hi
the reson i can't post the thousands of notes i have in bennett's pov is because they'll ruin th whole story. but i might start posting band interviews of Red Letter Day or just one-shots of life when they're older. i actually have a piece of a little "what if" and it's pretty cool to write. it's pretty realistic actually. i think.
but there is a lot happening with a certain favorite band of mine and as an active member of the "boards" i have my copy of their new ep preordered and i'm assuming it will cause a jump in inspiration for "last place" so hopefully it will be done eventually.
*sigh*
i'm going to write.
edit: i am POSITIVE there will be a burst of "last place" around sept. 29th. oh.my.god. i'm.... oh god. in love.
jaseyray
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
bennett's pov -- setting: ihop
Jonah slid down in the booth to make room for us- we were obviously late- we didn't miss much, just a few fat jokes at Aaron and Rainie trying to make Paul snap. I stepped back so Elisa could sit down and she moved in sitting next to Jonah. I looked at Paul who nodded trying to pretend he was listening to Jonah. I sat down across from him and looked at Elisa.
It didn't bother me so much anymore to be around Rainie and Paul with Elisa. Rain obviously liked Elisa a lot and talked to her all of the time about who knows what whenever they were alone- but even though I'm fine around Paul and Rain alone, having Elisa with me makes them intimidating. They're in love, and I'm not so envious of them, but it's just hard to see them the way they are- so disfunctionally together- and then how Elisa and I are in front of people.
We rarely acknowledge each other. We are in the same conversations and no matter how much she's changed- she still sits back a little. She still blushes sometimes when she says something opposing what someone else says. She still speaks quietly and laughs softly. She still stiffens whenever Jonah makes a joke at her, but I feel like she rarely notices me. Rainie and Paul only function as one person.
If Rain is tired he'll leave early to take her home. If she's in the bathroom he'll order for her and if he's fighting with me about something Rain will order for him. If she's thirsty he's thirtsy. If he needs air she needs air. If he looks upset she pulls him off to the side. I look at Elisa again out of the corner of me eye.
She's the reason Rainie and I never worked out. She's the reason Rain and I fell apart- if we were ever something more than a free hook-up and drinking partners.
I look at Jonah's whose still talking. I could have what Paul has easily. I have the girl I just need some more time. Eventually we could be just like them. And that thought makes my stomach flip flop. I've never thought that about a girl. Elisa's different, I guess.
She takes out her phone and looks at it. I see it and it's Cass so I get up and move out. She gets out of the booth and passes me saying she'll be right back. I watch her walk out saying "Hello," but I sit down and try and get back into Jonah's story.
Rain looks at me, bored with Jonah's story already or just distracted. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "How are things with Elisa?" She asked.
I smiled instantly. I tend to always do. "Great," I said.
She smiled too, and rested her arms on the table. "That's good," She said. "You guys are perfect for each other." She always tells me that, but I never doubted it for a second. The months before I met Elisa- if you asked me what my dream girl was I probably would have described Elisa without even knowing her. Paul moved his arm to the back of Rain's chair and listened more to Jonah. Her eyes moved to him. "Get up," She said.
He looked at her but she was already up moving out of the way. "Switch seats," She said. He moved over and she moved into his seat looking at me. "I see her at Carol's all the time, she's so nice." She said.
"Yeah," I said. "She's told me she's seen you a couple times." She doesn't get into it, she says she saw Rain and that they talked a little- I'm never sure what they talk about but who really knows.
I looked over and saw her. She was walking back. I moved out instantly and she smiled at me quietly. "Um," She said. "I have to give Miles that thing for Cass really fast, he's coming by so can I just have your keys really fast?"
I reached into my pockets and got them out. "Do you want me to wait with you?" I asked.
"No," She said. "It's okay, it'll only be a few minutes."
She took them and walked out. I sat back down watching her still walk away. Rain was jsut looking at me. "I've never seen you like this," She said smiling. "It's so weird."
"Like what?" I looked at her. I wasn't acting different at all. I felt so normal whenever I was around Elisa.
"I don't know," She said. "You just care about her I guess." I looked at Rainie for a few seconds and then I understood. I remembered when her and Paul started getting serious. The change was small but when they were together you could see it. I smiled a little. "I know," I said.
We both got sucked back into listening to Jonah. A minute or two passed and I got up walking out. Nobody noticed but I walked outside and saw her leaning against my car. She turned when I came out and we smild at each other. "Hey," I said I walked over standing next to her.
"Hi," She said. She looked back at the little white and blue building. "Not that exciting?"
"Nah," I said. "Jonah's still talking."
"This is his longest story yet, I think," She said.
I smiled. "It's record shattering," I said. She smiled and looked down. "I don't think anyone's listening, I think he's just hearing himself talk by now."
She nodded. We were quiet. She looked at me. "I'm sorry about this," She said. "It's cold, you should go inside."
"I don't think it's cold," I said.
She had her arms crossed and smiled. "Wait another minute," She said. "It hits you." I inched closer moving my arm around her. She leaned into my and looked up. I kissed her- her lips smiled agaisnt mine. She leaned her head against my side.
A pair of headlights swung in and it was Miles- she reached back and got the book. And walekd towards it. He rolled down a window. "Thanks," He said. He made Cass this book- it was a photo album but he charcoal-colored every page and colored in one thing per page. He doesn't have a computer so he had Elisa burn her a CD of the songs she thought went with each page. He just gave her the book in school and had her do the CD but it was pretty cool.
"You're welcome," She said. "She's going to love it."
"I hope so." He sighed.
"See you,"
"Bye," He rolled up the window and started driving away. She turned around and looked at me coming closer. I kissed her and pulled her into my arms.
"We should go inside," She said.
"Okay," I said. I touched her hand and felt it shaking a little. I squeezed it and we walked inside. I never felt her shake. We went back and sat down. Everyone had their pancakes. Rainie was slowly stealing Paul's whipped cream when he wasn't looking and I had mine sitting in front of where I had been sitting.
I looked at them- they were just strawberry ones. They didn't look that good. I didn't really want them. Rainie cut into her chocolate chips. Those looked really good. "Want to trade?" Elisa asked softly. I looked at her. She held the edge of her plate.
"No," I said. "It's okay."
She didn't listened. She picked mine up and put her chocolate chip pancakes in front of me. I reached back for mine. I felt bad for taking her pancakes. She pressed her lips to mine and picked up her fork. She didn't say anything else. She just cut off a piece of my pancakes for herself and ate it. I smild a little kissing the top of her head. "Thanks," I whispered.
She kissed me, her lips tasting like strawberries. I looked down at her pancakes and cut off a piece. Rainie was smiling at us and moved her head against Paul's shoulder. He kept fighting with Jonah reaching over and touching Rain's hand.
I didn't really need what Paul and Rainie had, I was gaining it slowly on my own with Elisa.
It didn't bother me so much anymore to be around Rainie and Paul with Elisa. Rain obviously liked Elisa a lot and talked to her all of the time about who knows what whenever they were alone- but even though I'm fine around Paul and Rain alone, having Elisa with me makes them intimidating. They're in love, and I'm not so envious of them, but it's just hard to see them the way they are- so disfunctionally together- and then how Elisa and I are in front of people.
We rarely acknowledge each other. We are in the same conversations and no matter how much she's changed- she still sits back a little. She still blushes sometimes when she says something opposing what someone else says. She still speaks quietly and laughs softly. She still stiffens whenever Jonah makes a joke at her, but I feel like she rarely notices me. Rainie and Paul only function as one person.
If Rain is tired he'll leave early to take her home. If she's in the bathroom he'll order for her and if he's fighting with me about something Rain will order for him. If she's thirsty he's thirtsy. If he needs air she needs air. If he looks upset she pulls him off to the side. I look at Elisa again out of the corner of me eye.
She's the reason Rainie and I never worked out. She's the reason Rain and I fell apart- if we were ever something more than a free hook-up and drinking partners.
I look at Jonah's whose still talking. I could have what Paul has easily. I have the girl I just need some more time. Eventually we could be just like them. And that thought makes my stomach flip flop. I've never thought that about a girl. Elisa's different, I guess.
She takes out her phone and looks at it. I see it and it's Cass so I get up and move out. She gets out of the booth and passes me saying she'll be right back. I watch her walk out saying "Hello," but I sit down and try and get back into Jonah's story.
Rain looks at me, bored with Jonah's story already or just distracted. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "How are things with Elisa?" She asked.
I smiled instantly. I tend to always do. "Great," I said.
She smiled too, and rested her arms on the table. "That's good," She said. "You guys are perfect for each other." She always tells me that, but I never doubted it for a second. The months before I met Elisa- if you asked me what my dream girl was I probably would have described Elisa without even knowing her. Paul moved his arm to the back of Rain's chair and listened more to Jonah. Her eyes moved to him. "Get up," She said.
He looked at her but she was already up moving out of the way. "Switch seats," She said. He moved over and she moved into his seat looking at me. "I see her at Carol's all the time, she's so nice." She said.
"Yeah," I said. "She's told me she's seen you a couple times." She doesn't get into it, she says she saw Rain and that they talked a little- I'm never sure what they talk about but who really knows.
I looked over and saw her. She was walking back. I moved out instantly and she smiled at me quietly. "Um," She said. "I have to give Miles that thing for Cass really fast, he's coming by so can I just have your keys really fast?"
I reached into my pockets and got them out. "Do you want me to wait with you?" I asked.
"No," She said. "It's okay, it'll only be a few minutes."
She took them and walked out. I sat back down watching her still walk away. Rain was jsut looking at me. "I've never seen you like this," She said smiling. "It's so weird."
"Like what?" I looked at her. I wasn't acting different at all. I felt so normal whenever I was around Elisa.
"I don't know," She said. "You just care about her I guess." I looked at Rainie for a few seconds and then I understood. I remembered when her and Paul started getting serious. The change was small but when they were together you could see it. I smiled a little. "I know," I said.
We both got sucked back into listening to Jonah. A minute or two passed and I got up walking out. Nobody noticed but I walked outside and saw her leaning against my car. She turned when I came out and we smild at each other. "Hey," I said I walked over standing next to her.
"Hi," She said. She looked back at the little white and blue building. "Not that exciting?"
"Nah," I said. "Jonah's still talking."
"This is his longest story yet, I think," She said.
I smiled. "It's record shattering," I said. She smiled and looked down. "I don't think anyone's listening, I think he's just hearing himself talk by now."
She nodded. We were quiet. She looked at me. "I'm sorry about this," She said. "It's cold, you should go inside."
"I don't think it's cold," I said.
She had her arms crossed and smiled. "Wait another minute," She said. "It hits you." I inched closer moving my arm around her. She leaned into my and looked up. I kissed her- her lips smiled agaisnt mine. She leaned her head against my side.
A pair of headlights swung in and it was Miles- she reached back and got the book. And walekd towards it. He rolled down a window. "Thanks," He said. He made Cass this book- it was a photo album but he charcoal-colored every page and colored in one thing per page. He doesn't have a computer so he had Elisa burn her a CD of the songs she thought went with each page. He just gave her the book in school and had her do the CD but it was pretty cool.
"You're welcome," She said. "She's going to love it."
"I hope so." He sighed.
"See you,"
"Bye," He rolled up the window and started driving away. She turned around and looked at me coming closer. I kissed her and pulled her into my arms.
"We should go inside," She said.
"Okay," I said. I touched her hand and felt it shaking a little. I squeezed it and we walked inside. I never felt her shake. We went back and sat down. Everyone had their pancakes. Rainie was slowly stealing Paul's whipped cream when he wasn't looking and I had mine sitting in front of where I had been sitting.
I looked at them- they were just strawberry ones. They didn't look that good. I didn't really want them. Rainie cut into her chocolate chips. Those looked really good. "Want to trade?" Elisa asked softly. I looked at her. She held the edge of her plate.
"No," I said. "It's okay."
She didn't listened. She picked mine up and put her chocolate chip pancakes in front of me. I reached back for mine. I felt bad for taking her pancakes. She pressed her lips to mine and picked up her fork. She didn't say anything else. She just cut off a piece of my pancakes for herself and ate it. I smild a little kissing the top of her head. "Thanks," I whispered.
She kissed me, her lips tasting like strawberries. I looked down at her pancakes and cut off a piece. Rainie was smiling at us and moved her head against Paul's shoulder. He kept fighting with Jonah reaching over and touching Rain's hand.
I didn't really need what Paul and Rainie had, I was gaining it slowly on my own with Elisa.
Friday, September 11, 2009
bennett's pov - setting: bennett's bedroom (***not as dirty as it seems)
Saturday was my day to sleep in. I was lying there passed out and before I knew it I woke up to the worst of alarm clocks. I didn't even hear anything I just felt someone jump on top of me and pin me down on my bed. "Guess." Multiple slaps were planted in my face. "What. I. Heard."
I moved my arm up placing my elbow on his chest and pushing him off of me. "Jonah, what the fuck," I hissed. "Get out, right now." He moved off of me tumbling onto my floor. I saw his head pop up and he started ripping off my sheets.
"No," He said. "You need all the scheeming and charm you can muster, because guess who got dumped last night?"
I groaned and buried my face into my pillow. It wasn't that I didn't put two and two together, I was just exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. I need. Sleep. I rolled over and instantly he sat on my bed bouncing up and down making it to it was uncomfortable and impossible to sleep whatsoever. I lifted my head and heard Sean and my mother talking.
"Fuck you," I mumbled.
"Nope," He said. "Not Paul Spinella... but you're close... well not really, but you know... just guess dude."
I'm not going to guess. I didn't say that outloud. Sleep. I wanted to sleep. I went to bed at what? Four at the earliest, I don't even remember. Then I remembered why. I smiled a little and moved my head to the side and breathed. Jonah kept bouncing. "Guess, guess, guess, guess," He said over and over again. I didn't need to fucking guess. I needed three more hours of sleep. Just three. More. Hours.
I heard footsteps come upstairs. Sean came in and then my mother. "Bennett, honey," She said. "You need to get up, don't you have work today?"
"No," I groaned. "I went to sleep at like four... can't I just have one or two more hours?" I was whining like a little kid. I was exhausted. Sean went over to my stereo and started blasting whatever I had in.
"Did you tell him?" He yelled over the music.
"He's not guessing," He said.
I rolled onto my back rubbing my eyes. "Guys," I said. They kept yelling over the music. "Guys... guys!" I sat up and they looked at me.
"What?" Sean said. I got up and turned down the music.
"I know," I said.
"Know what?" Jonah asked. "I didn't even tell you."
I rubbed my eye again. "Is the person I'm guessing a guy or a girl?" I asked. My arms dropped to my sides.
"Dude," Jonah said crossing his legs onto my bed.
"****** *****," I said. And he stared at me.
"Bennett Charles Williams," Jonah said. I didn't ghave a middle name so he made it up most of the time. But he grinned. "What, did you turn on the scheming and the charm last night?"
I shook my head. "Nope," I said. "I'm dating someone. I don't need to start flirting with anyone else."
I moved my arm up placing my elbow on his chest and pushing him off of me. "Jonah, what the fuck," I hissed. "Get out, right now." He moved off of me tumbling onto my floor. I saw his head pop up and he started ripping off my sheets.
"No," He said. "You need all the scheeming and charm you can muster, because guess who got dumped last night?"
I groaned and buried my face into my pillow. It wasn't that I didn't put two and two together, I was just exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. I need. Sleep. I rolled over and instantly he sat on my bed bouncing up and down making it to it was uncomfortable and impossible to sleep whatsoever. I lifted my head and heard Sean and my mother talking.
"Fuck you," I mumbled.
"Nope," He said. "Not Paul Spinella... but you're close... well not really, but you know... just guess dude."
I'm not going to guess. I didn't say that outloud. Sleep. I wanted to sleep. I went to bed at what? Four at the earliest, I don't even remember. Then I remembered why. I smiled a little and moved my head to the side and breathed. Jonah kept bouncing. "Guess, guess, guess, guess," He said over and over again. I didn't need to fucking guess. I needed three more hours of sleep. Just three. More. Hours.
I heard footsteps come upstairs. Sean came in and then my mother. "Bennett, honey," She said. "You need to get up, don't you have work today?"
"No," I groaned. "I went to sleep at like four... can't I just have one or two more hours?" I was whining like a little kid. I was exhausted. Sean went over to my stereo and started blasting whatever I had in.
"Did you tell him?" He yelled over the music.
"He's not guessing," He said.
I rolled onto my back rubbing my eyes. "Guys," I said. They kept yelling over the music. "Guys... guys!" I sat up and they looked at me.
"What?" Sean said. I got up and turned down the music.
"I know," I said.
"Know what?" Jonah asked. "I didn't even tell you."
I rubbed my eye again. "Is the person I'm guessing a guy or a girl?" I asked. My arms dropped to my sides.
"Dude," Jonah said crossing his legs onto my bed.
"****** *****," I said. And he stared at me.
"Bennett Charles Williams," Jonah said. I didn't ghave a middle name so he made it up most of the time. But he grinned. "What, did you turn on the scheming and the charm last night?"
I shook my head. "Nope," I said. "I'm dating someone. I don't need to start flirting with anyone else."
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
versaemerge what not
hi
ps! wtf? why hasn't anyone ranted to me about my lack of updates? almost a month since i posted anything? where's the yelling screaming people? it feels like last week since i posted something. come on, stay on your toes.
jaseyray.
\/ read the oneshot
ps! wtf? why hasn't anyone ranted to me about my lack of updates? almost a month since i posted anything? where's the yelling screaming people? it feels like last week since i posted something. come on, stay on your toes.
jaseyray.
\/ read the oneshot
Sean/Bennett's POV -- Setting: Jonah's House
Sean’s POV
My fingers were wedged between all the rings on two of Becky’s fingers. I looked down at them. “Can you try taking some of them off?” I asked. She looked down playing with her lip ring with her tongue.
“No,” She said rolling her eyes and she went back to talking to her friend Mandy. I sighed leaning my head back. I saw Bennett and normally that never concerned me. I usually didn’t give a shit about him- he gave me no reason to. I saw him on the ground in the corner talking to Rainie Joseph. She cut her hair or something but she was listening to him talk excitedly. I hadn’t seen him like that since he liked Rainie the first time. I sighed again. This was it. I was back to being his crutch again.
“What’s your problem Negative Nancy?” Mandy asked. I looked back at Becky and Mandy. They usually just talk about the most pointless things like Mandy liking this boy named Kevin and how he liked one of the girls Becky works with sometimes. I didn’t give a fuck about that shit but now I had to deal with another Rainie episode.
“Bennett’s talking to Rainie Joseph again,” I said. “He likes her… again.”
Becky looked over and she sighed too. “God,” She said. “Why the fuck does he do that to himself all the time?”
“What is he doing that’s so bad?” Mandy asked. No offense to Mandy and all- but she’s half retarded. I want to shoot her half of the time. All she does is mope and ask the most retarded questions. She’s worse than Jonah sometimes when he’s off his medication. I looked over at Bennett who was smiling and looking at Rainie as she was probably talking.
“Because,” Becky said. “She’s in love with that kid Paul Spinella and they just got back together a few weeks ago. Her and Bennett had a thing when they were broken up but Bennett dumped her and now he likes her again… it’s so fucking stupid. I mean I thought he’d learn by now…” I nodded in agreement. I looked up and saw Jonah. He jumped over the couch- I saw him midair and tumbled onto the ground lying on his side. Mandy screeched and almost everyone in the room looked over- except for Bennett and Rainie.
“What’s up?” Jonah said fixing himself upright. I crossed my legs and nodded over at Bennett drooling over that slut. Jonah whipped his head over and looked. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s Joseph again,” Becky said. “It’s happening all over again.”
He leaned back and looked at Rainie from a different angle. “Why is she wearing a Sunday Drive shirt?” Jonah asked. It was obvious. Bennett was obsessed with them- he was bound to make her a mix-CD of all Sunday Drive songs and drag her out to a show. I didn’t answer and we all looked over. Bennett caught all of us he gripped his neck and kept talking.
Jonah started to get up but Becky grabbed his arm forcing him back onto the ground. “Don’t go over there,” She hissed. “Let him get fucked over if that’s what he wants.”
Mandy looked over. “Wait isn’t that Paul Spinella?” She asked. I looked over and there was Paul with Rainie all over him. She was kissing him as she sat on a card table. Then I looked over at the Rainie Joseph look-a-like. “Holy shit,” I said. “Who is that then?”
Becky looked over. “I have no idea…” She said.
Jonah looked over again. “He’s into her,” He said. “Whoa, he looks like a serial killer smiling like that. What the hell?” I looked over and he was laughing- not laughing like he does around us- serial killer real laughing. I shook my head. “I have no idea then.”
Miles went over to them. He started talking and Bennett just listened- I think Miles was just talking to the girl. “She’s a weed-head,” Jonah said. “She’s friends with Miles.”
Mandy shook her head. “No,” She said loudly like that was so stupid. Miles used to do drugs with Jeremy- obviously if he smoked with the girl if they were friends. “Miles got clean last summer.”
“Yeah,” Jonah said. “But he was only friends with weed-heads.”
Becky looked over. “I think he’s friends with this girl Cass now.” She said. “But I’ve never seen this girl before- she goes to Kerrington probably.” I looked over and saw Bennett stand up helping the girl up too. She took his hand hesitantly but she stood up and just made it to his chest. She was tiny.
“Cass?” Mandy asked. “As in Kevin’s Cass?”
“Yup,” Becky said. Then we saw her face. “Holy shit, I know her from somewhere…”
Bennett said goodbye to the girl and she walked away with Miles. She looked eleven but he watched her walk away before coming over to us. He looked down sighing and sat down readying himself for whatever we were going to throw at him.
Bennett’s POV
I had no idea she was going to come. I thought she just said she’d try, but there she was walking away. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I looked over and saw Sean who was just looking at me with a dead stare in his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was get into Elisa. I walked over looking at them. Jonah was grinning up at me like an idiot. The last thing I wanted to do was tell them about Elisa.
I sat down and it was quiet except for Becky and her friend going on about “some bitch who was flirting with Kevin all the time now.” I looked at Sean and he didn’t sat anything.
Jonah dived in. “Whose the chick?” He asked. “That where you get your weed now?”
I looked at him confused. Elisa and drugs? “What?” I said quickly.
“Shut up,” Sean said to Jonah. I looked at Sean who shrugged. “She hangs out with Miles.” I shook my head – that was ridiculous. Elisa wasn’t like that. She said herself she never drank, that night a few weeks ago was rare. She was just upset.
“She doesn’t do drugs,” I said defensively. How could they even say that about her? She never looked like the kind of person who would ever do that crap.
“Who is she then?” Jonah asked grinning again. “You were all over her.”
My eyes widened, was I all over her? I didn’t touch her. I didn’t sit too close to her. I didn’t look at her in weird ways. We were just talking alone- that was the only time she was normal, or at least comfortable. “I wasn’t all over her,” I said.
“Dude,” Jonah said tipping his head forward. “You were practically undressing her with your serial killer eyes.”
I rolled my eyes leaning back. “Shut up,” I said.
Jonah leaned over elbowing me. “So how long have you been in love with this chick?” He asked, smiling still. I rolled my eyes again. I didn’t like Elisa. I wasn’t in love with her. Sure, she was pretty. That didn’t mean I wanted to date her, she had Nathan anyways.
“I don’t like her,” I said. “We’re friends.”
“I’ve never heard of her,” Jonah said.
“You don’t even know her name,” I said.
“What is it then?” Sean said.
Do I tell them? I already didn’t have a chance of hiding her anymore from them. Becky was leaning forward pressing her hands to her forehead. “She hangs out with Cass,” She said. “What’s her name… Lisa?”
“You like a Lisa?” Jonah said laughing.
I froze looking at him. “How did you know her name?” I asked.
“Becky just said it…” Jonah said laughing.
I felt stupid all of a sudden. “Eh-lisa” and “a Lisa” sounded so alike. “Elisa!” Becky said loudly. “That’s it!”
“Her name’s Elisa?” Sean asked.
“Yeah,” I said shrinking down. “But I don’t like her like that.”
“Where do you know her from?” Becky asked. “She’s like a mute.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “You guys are just going to go on saying I like her. I don’t.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “You might as well tell us,” He said. “I’m going to look for her now.”
I stared at him. “You better not,” I said. The last thing I wanted was Jonah or Sean following her around the school asking her if she liked me. She had Nathan and the last thing I wanted was for us to get awkward.
“She has a boyfriend,” I said. “I can’t like her if I wanted to.”
“Why?” Mandy said. “You liked Rainie Joseph when she had a boyfriend.”
I looked up at her. She shrunk back. I looked down. “That’s exactly why,” I said. I looked up and saw her walking downstairs again. I got up and left them. Jonah yelled after me- awkward things- but all I saw was her. I smiled and she smiled a little too tucking hair behind her ear. She was so insecure about her new hair- I could just tell.
“Sorry if you were talking to your friends,” She said softly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pointed at the door up to the backyard. “I need some air, do you want to hang out outside?”
She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear again. “Okay,” She said softly. I walked in front of her outside. There were too many smokers on the deck so I brought her over to Jonah’s hammock- back behind the shed. I remembered the last time I was ever on this. I was with Rainie. Rainie had jumped on right away but Elisa hesitated. She looked at the space right across from me and got on sitting quietly as she always did when she was out of her element. I couldn’t help it. In the dark- in the shadow with the moon shining down- in the cold- I pulled my sweatshirt over my arms more and felt warm without it- on the hammock- she looked beautiful. She looked so lost but I knew that’s what it’s like sometimes. I blinked looking down.
I couldn’t like Elisa.
But all I wanted to do was understand her. She was a mystery to me in so many ways but everything was falling out. I don’t know why but she trusts me. In five minutes I had her smiling- and laughing.
I lay down looking up at the sky. “It’s so clear out tonight.” I said.
In a minute I felt the spot next to me on the hammock get heavier. I looked over and saw her leaning back not realizing how much you can sink on this hammock. She started a few inches away from me but sank so our shoulders pressed against one another. I looked up again and her voice rose up- the voice she only used when we were alone- “Yeah, it’s so beautiful.”
I knew the only reason she was here was because you can only see the sky from this side- the trees cut to frame out the stars like a picture. I smiled a little and felt her next to me. The last thing I wanted was for everything to shift back to where it was. Where she was back with Nathan and I was back alone trying to get over Rainie.
But as of right now, I’m over Rainie. I wonder what it’s going to be like when I went back to normal for me. I looked up at the sky.
I can’t like Elisa.
My fingers were wedged between all the rings on two of Becky’s fingers. I looked down at them. “Can you try taking some of them off?” I asked. She looked down playing with her lip ring with her tongue.
“No,” She said rolling her eyes and she went back to talking to her friend Mandy. I sighed leaning my head back. I saw Bennett and normally that never concerned me. I usually didn’t give a shit about him- he gave me no reason to. I saw him on the ground in the corner talking to Rainie Joseph. She cut her hair or something but she was listening to him talk excitedly. I hadn’t seen him like that since he liked Rainie the first time. I sighed again. This was it. I was back to being his crutch again.
“What’s your problem Negative Nancy?” Mandy asked. I looked back at Becky and Mandy. They usually just talk about the most pointless things like Mandy liking this boy named Kevin and how he liked one of the girls Becky works with sometimes. I didn’t give a fuck about that shit but now I had to deal with another Rainie episode.
“Bennett’s talking to Rainie Joseph again,” I said. “He likes her… again.”
Becky looked over and she sighed too. “God,” She said. “Why the fuck does he do that to himself all the time?”
“What is he doing that’s so bad?” Mandy asked. No offense to Mandy and all- but she’s half retarded. I want to shoot her half of the time. All she does is mope and ask the most retarded questions. She’s worse than Jonah sometimes when he’s off his medication. I looked over at Bennett who was smiling and looking at Rainie as she was probably talking.
“Because,” Becky said. “She’s in love with that kid Paul Spinella and they just got back together a few weeks ago. Her and Bennett had a thing when they were broken up but Bennett dumped her and now he likes her again… it’s so fucking stupid. I mean I thought he’d learn by now…” I nodded in agreement. I looked up and saw Jonah. He jumped over the couch- I saw him midair and tumbled onto the ground lying on his side. Mandy screeched and almost everyone in the room looked over- except for Bennett and Rainie.
“What’s up?” Jonah said fixing himself upright. I crossed my legs and nodded over at Bennett drooling over that slut. Jonah whipped his head over and looked. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s Joseph again,” Becky said. “It’s happening all over again.”
He leaned back and looked at Rainie from a different angle. “Why is she wearing a Sunday Drive shirt?” Jonah asked. It was obvious. Bennett was obsessed with them- he was bound to make her a mix-CD of all Sunday Drive songs and drag her out to a show. I didn’t answer and we all looked over. Bennett caught all of us he gripped his neck and kept talking.
Jonah started to get up but Becky grabbed his arm forcing him back onto the ground. “Don’t go over there,” She hissed. “Let him get fucked over if that’s what he wants.”
Mandy looked over. “Wait isn’t that Paul Spinella?” She asked. I looked over and there was Paul with Rainie all over him. She was kissing him as she sat on a card table. Then I looked over at the Rainie Joseph look-a-like. “Holy shit,” I said. “Who is that then?”
Becky looked over. “I have no idea…” She said.
Jonah looked over again. “He’s into her,” He said. “Whoa, he looks like a serial killer smiling like that. What the hell?” I looked over and he was laughing- not laughing like he does around us- serial killer real laughing. I shook my head. “I have no idea then.”
Miles went over to them. He started talking and Bennett just listened- I think Miles was just talking to the girl. “She’s a weed-head,” Jonah said. “She’s friends with Miles.”
Mandy shook her head. “No,” She said loudly like that was so stupid. Miles used to do drugs with Jeremy- obviously if he smoked with the girl if they were friends. “Miles got clean last summer.”
“Yeah,” Jonah said. “But he was only friends with weed-heads.”
Becky looked over. “I think he’s friends with this girl Cass now.” She said. “But I’ve never seen this girl before- she goes to Kerrington probably.” I looked over and saw Bennett stand up helping the girl up too. She took his hand hesitantly but she stood up and just made it to his chest. She was tiny.
“Cass?” Mandy asked. “As in Kevin’s Cass?”
“Yup,” Becky said. Then we saw her face. “Holy shit, I know her from somewhere…”
Bennett said goodbye to the girl and she walked away with Miles. She looked eleven but he watched her walk away before coming over to us. He looked down sighing and sat down readying himself for whatever we were going to throw at him.
Bennett’s POV
I had no idea she was going to come. I thought she just said she’d try, but there she was walking away. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I looked over and saw Sean who was just looking at me with a dead stare in his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was get into Elisa. I walked over looking at them. Jonah was grinning up at me like an idiot. The last thing I wanted to do was tell them about Elisa.
I sat down and it was quiet except for Becky and her friend going on about “some bitch who was flirting with Kevin all the time now.” I looked at Sean and he didn’t sat anything.
Jonah dived in. “Whose the chick?” He asked. “That where you get your weed now?”
I looked at him confused. Elisa and drugs? “What?” I said quickly.
“Shut up,” Sean said to Jonah. I looked at Sean who shrugged. “She hangs out with Miles.” I shook my head – that was ridiculous. Elisa wasn’t like that. She said herself she never drank, that night a few weeks ago was rare. She was just upset.
“She doesn’t do drugs,” I said defensively. How could they even say that about her? She never looked like the kind of person who would ever do that crap.
“Who is she then?” Jonah asked grinning again. “You were all over her.”
My eyes widened, was I all over her? I didn’t touch her. I didn’t sit too close to her. I didn’t look at her in weird ways. We were just talking alone- that was the only time she was normal, or at least comfortable. “I wasn’t all over her,” I said.
“Dude,” Jonah said tipping his head forward. “You were practically undressing her with your serial killer eyes.”
I rolled my eyes leaning back. “Shut up,” I said.
Jonah leaned over elbowing me. “So how long have you been in love with this chick?” He asked, smiling still. I rolled my eyes again. I didn’t like Elisa. I wasn’t in love with her. Sure, she was pretty. That didn’t mean I wanted to date her, she had Nathan anyways.
“I don’t like her,” I said. “We’re friends.”
“I’ve never heard of her,” Jonah said.
“You don’t even know her name,” I said.
“What is it then?” Sean said.
Do I tell them? I already didn’t have a chance of hiding her anymore from them. Becky was leaning forward pressing her hands to her forehead. “She hangs out with Cass,” She said. “What’s her name… Lisa?”
“You like a Lisa?” Jonah said laughing.
I froze looking at him. “How did you know her name?” I asked.
“Becky just said it…” Jonah said laughing.
I felt stupid all of a sudden. “Eh-lisa” and “a Lisa” sounded so alike. “Elisa!” Becky said loudly. “That’s it!”
“Her name’s Elisa?” Sean asked.
“Yeah,” I said shrinking down. “But I don’t like her like that.”
“Where do you know her from?” Becky asked. “She’s like a mute.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “You guys are just going to go on saying I like her. I don’t.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “You might as well tell us,” He said. “I’m going to look for her now.”
I stared at him. “You better not,” I said. The last thing I wanted was Jonah or Sean following her around the school asking her if she liked me. She had Nathan and the last thing I wanted was for us to get awkward.
“She has a boyfriend,” I said. “I can’t like her if I wanted to.”
“Why?” Mandy said. “You liked Rainie Joseph when she had a boyfriend.”
I looked up at her. She shrunk back. I looked down. “That’s exactly why,” I said. I looked up and saw her walking downstairs again. I got up and left them. Jonah yelled after me- awkward things- but all I saw was her. I smiled and she smiled a little too tucking hair behind her ear. She was so insecure about her new hair- I could just tell.
“Sorry if you were talking to your friends,” She said softly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pointed at the door up to the backyard. “I need some air, do you want to hang out outside?”
She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear again. “Okay,” She said softly. I walked in front of her outside. There were too many smokers on the deck so I brought her over to Jonah’s hammock- back behind the shed. I remembered the last time I was ever on this. I was with Rainie. Rainie had jumped on right away but Elisa hesitated. She looked at the space right across from me and got on sitting quietly as she always did when she was out of her element. I couldn’t help it. In the dark- in the shadow with the moon shining down- in the cold- I pulled my sweatshirt over my arms more and felt warm without it- on the hammock- she looked beautiful. She looked so lost but I knew that’s what it’s like sometimes. I blinked looking down.
I couldn’t like Elisa.
But all I wanted to do was understand her. She was a mystery to me in so many ways but everything was falling out. I don’t know why but she trusts me. In five minutes I had her smiling- and laughing.
I lay down looking up at the sky. “It’s so clear out tonight.” I said.
In a minute I felt the spot next to me on the hammock get heavier. I looked over and saw her leaning back not realizing how much you can sink on this hammock. She started a few inches away from me but sank so our shoulders pressed against one another. I looked up again and her voice rose up- the voice she only used when we were alone- “Yeah, it’s so beautiful.”
I knew the only reason she was here was because you can only see the sky from this side- the trees cut to frame out the stars like a picture. I smiled a little and felt her next to me. The last thing I wanted was for everything to shift back to where it was. Where she was back with Nathan and I was back alone trying to get over Rainie.
But as of right now, I’m over Rainie. I wonder what it’s going to be like when I went back to normal for me. I looked up at the sky.
I can’t like Elisa.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
"tomorrow's too late" kevin devine
hi
i've been camping in my backyard/sick/over [home]worked and i'm soooooo sorry.
almost got no views yesterday :\ but i've been super away from my computer. i'm letting chapters compile and writing my story i probably won't post on fanfiction (which is coming out spendidly :) kody is hanging out with anthony on the train as we speak). i'm getting better and will hopefully post something tomorrow?
who knows. all honors classes ain't helping me much but i'm working out some endings and getting into "perfect kisses" again. miss them so much. well when they were happy. i'm going to read the original a little while i download illegal music and put huge dents in my exfavorite bands (boys like girls and jimmy robbins)'s careers.
jaseyray,
also have a juicy one-shot from sean's and or bennett's pov of when bennett's friends realized he had a thing for a certain girl. sooooo i'll post that if nothing else tomorrow if i'm not swamped with work.
i've been camping in my backyard/sick/over [home]worked and i'm soooooo sorry.
almost got no views yesterday :\ but i've been super away from my computer. i'm letting chapters compile and writing my story i probably won't post on fanfiction (which is coming out spendidly :) kody is hanging out with anthony on the train as we speak). i'm getting better and will hopefully post something tomorrow?
who knows. all honors classes ain't helping me much but i'm working out some endings and getting into "perfect kisses" again. miss them so much. well when they were happy. i'm going to read the original a little while i download illegal music and put huge dents in my exfavorite bands (boys like girls and jimmy robbins)'s careers.
jaseyray,
also have a juicy one-shot from sean's and or bennett's pov of when bennett's friends realized he had a thing for a certain girl. sooooo i'll post that if nothing else tomorrow if i'm not swamped with work.
Friday, September 4, 2009
"something that produces results" the early november
hi
i've done a little writing here and there. a ton of notes lately for "last place" but what about new stories? well, i've been avoiding "at the bottom" and i'm a little hesitant about "all we ever needed" because it's been a little rushed. i mean i skipped over a month already which is like a major "oof" moment for me. and then "perfect kisses" is still dead to me. i'm writing out some paul pov's and some bennett pov's too and then sean's. which is pretty fun. i like his pov a lot because it's really annoyed and envious and angsty like bennett's but more choppy and less cheesy. then i might try out becky's pov because she is undergoing major changes. i'll post one maybe now. if i have a good one.
jaseyray
i've done a little writing here and there. a ton of notes lately for "last place" but what about new stories? well, i've been avoiding "at the bottom" and i'm a little hesitant about "all we ever needed" because it's been a little rushed. i mean i skipped over a month already which is like a major "oof" moment for me. and then "perfect kisses" is still dead to me. i'm writing out some paul pov's and some bennett pov's too and then sean's. which is pretty fun. i like his pov a lot because it's really annoyed and envious and angsty like bennett's but more choppy and less cheesy. then i might try out becky's pov because she is undergoing major changes. i'll post one maybe now. if i have a good one.
jaseyray
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