VII - Sweetness

It was soundcheck and I was just standing there. Aaron broke out into percussion for "Lucky to be Alive" by Braid and Jonah joined in. It took a few seconds but suddenly Paul and Johnny joined in. I stopped and looked at them all. I smiled weakly and leaned onto the microphone. I couldn't sing. I didn't know the words.

They finished up with Paul laughing when Aaron broke into a drum solo and the sound guy rushing out and yelling about us fooling around. After a few "sorrys" we got back into good terms and passed the stage onto the band beneath us.

Owen stormed down the hall. I looked in his direction and decided to go into the dressing room designated for us and Owen's band. I stepped in and she was just sitting there. I swallowed and looked at her. She was rubbing her temples. I turned and went back down the halls and found a few guys from Owen smoking.

I never usually smoked because it doesn't do much for me. But there were neat lines on the table too. So I sat down and the guys welcomed me in. They were all Red Letter Day fans. They were all older than me but always treated me like a superior.

I hated myself for this.

* * *

When I got off-stage I walked out into the dressing room. "What the fuck is going on with you?" Johnny asked. "That was real professional, Williams, real professional."

I ignored him and walked out towards the bus. He grabbed my shoulder and forced me against the door. "Fuck you," He said. "You're fucking high aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes and touched my shoulder. "Nothings-wrong," I talked quickly. "I'm fine. I'm great." He shoved me again and my shoulderblades hit. They hit the metal door hard and he turned to walk away. He stopped. "Look," He said. "I know you guys are all buddies and you've all known each other since high school, but if they don't get you some fucking help I give up. I'm leaving the end of this tour. You are fucking this up for everyone."

I stared at him.

"There's something up with you," He said. "And if you don't get fucking help, this is it. I quit."

The band was falling apart.

* * *

They were all silent on the bus. Paul didn't call Rainie he didn't talk to me either. Johnny probably told him everything. I felt the high wearing off. I got off of the bus and started walking. Walking quickly and silently.

"Bennett?"

I kept walking. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk walkwalk. Walk. She came up beside me. "What's happened?" She asked.

"Nothing," I said tightly.

"What?" She said.

"Nothing," I said stopping. I was yelling at her. "Now fuck off. I don't want to deal with anyone."

She looked small all of a sudden. It was as if I jsut hit her. I started walking again but I was aware of her walking behind me. "Bennett, what is going on with you?"

I stopped. "Really, Elisa," I said. "I mean it. Get away from me."

There was silence. I waited until her footsteps moved away. But no. She stayed therte behind me. I waited turning. She stared at me. "Who do you think you are?" She asked suddenly. I stared at her. I shrunk. I crenated. I swallowed and she looked at me with these narrow eyes. "I know things aren't that good. I'm not a brain scientist, but Johnny was so pissed off at you and everything..."

I dropped my shoulders. "It doesn't concern you," I said.

She nodded. "Yes," She said. "It does. You're my friend, right?"

I paused. Were we friends? Did we fit that? It could have been the drugs. I nodded slowly and suddenly and we both waited. "Do you want to talk about anything?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No," I said.

She nodded. "What happened last night when you came on the bus?" She asked softly.

I swallowed looking down. "I ran into a fan." I said.

"What happened?"

"She said I saved her life."

"Really? That's incredible,"

"No,"

"Why?"

"I never did anything,"

"Do you honestly believe that?"

Silence.

* * *

When we got back to the buses she broke off to Owen's. She waved back ta me and said goodnight. Said she was happy she got to talk to me. I stared at her. I nodded. She said things I could never forget. I nodded. "It was good talking to someone," I said.

She disappeared onto the bus and I went onto mine. Jonah was drunk and so was half the people on the bus. Paul was even drunk. Paul never gets drunk. I went into the back of the bus. I didn't want to sleep in the middle. I climbed up on top and lay there where Elisa had the night before.

The sheets smelled like her. I almost moved but I stayed. I went off into sleep thinking about what she said. I'll never forget it.