pov/setting?: a secret

I was still. My bones were frozen and bonded together in a still unmoving position. I felt the whole dug deep in my chest. It was there. It was always there. I stared at the back of my eyelids and felt suddenly some form of warmth radiate out of my insides. I remembered his voice. Everything he's said to me that has actually stuck after all of this. It made the ache worse but I felt the slightest relief. I went through all I knew about him. Every detail, every moment, ever song... it was all right there. His touch was always there on me somehow. I didn't have signs of him anywhere but inside of me. His fingerprints were everywhere. I picked them up and looked at them. I examined every touch. I felt happiness and the deep, deep pain. I couldn't feel anything else. It was a need. A want. A passion. It was like someone had taken all my life and compacted it into a feeling. A trigger in my mind was off. I remembered when we met. When we first kissed. When I first felt this feeling in small inanimate doses. He reshaped my life. He reshaped all I had ever known. I was denying it deep down. But I was so aware of it. The emotion was intoxicating. The feeling was an addiction. It wasn't fulfilling- but it was something- I was going to feel this for the rest of my life. As long as he existed to me. As long as I didn't cast him aside as some sick daydream. As a myth. People like him had to exist. I needed to know that. Because I'd never feel this again if he didn't.

I was in love for the first time. And it had been my love's demise.