Are you prepared for this?
I sat down next to her and she kept her eyes closed. I did the same and the music filled me. I felt her presence next to me and I just felt happy. It didn't matter if I was still alone, this hope was false and she loved Nathan but I couldn't stop myself anymore. I just stayed where I was. I listened to the album and fell into it. The guitar the voice, it all swallowed me whole. I opeend my eyes at the last song and looked at her.
She smiled weakly. Her soft gorgeous smile. Her eyes were blue tonight and she just looked at me softly. I tried to breath but it wasn't going to work. I couldn't get in oxygen without hypervenolating. The album ended in a sweeping second and I just looked at her. I wanted to kiss her so badly. She closed her eyes for a second smiling a little bigger. That was my one oppurtunity. The window was open. I couldn't go on much longer.
The window slammed shut.
She looked ahead and exhaled. "I should go home," She said softly.
I nodded. My heart was bruising in my chest. I couldn't keep getting my hopes up like this. I felt boneless and pushed myself to my feet in three seconds after I blinked. I just missed my one chance. It was over. It was hitting me. This wasn't going to happen like with Rainie. If I were to get her in some twisted world she wouldn't be mine. She'd belong with someone else in the end. And here I was falling for a girl I could never have. I reached down and pulled her to her feet. She walked over putting on her shoes. I got my keys and we headed down the stairs.
She was never going to be mine. Nathan was such a waste. He didn't see her the way I did. I stepped next to her and we walked next to each other in silence. We walked along the dimly lit sidewalks under flickering streetlights heading towards solid light right at the corner of her street. She looked at me tucking hair behind her ear, she smiled. "I haven't had a night like this in a while." She said.
I looked at her. "Like what?" I asked.
She shrugged looking at her feet. "When everything is just... perfect." She said. "In some weird way, everything was perfect tonight."
The world was sick-minded. She was saying all of these things to me and all I could do was nod and try not to feel my heart racing in my chest and feel like I'm bleeding out of my mouth. "I know," I said smiling. What was sick was how our perspectives were so different. I met my hero and met him with Elisa. I saw my favorite band with Elisa. I was with Elisa. I listened to my favorite record with Elisa. I spent a night with Elisa. I pretended I had Elisa. I borrowed her for a few hours. Tonight was perfect.
She went quiet all of a sudden. "I haven't been this happy in so long," She said talking to both of us. "I think..." She swallowed. My heart was racing like I was anticipating a murderer to jump out and rip my heart out or something out of a horror movie to happen all of a sudden. "I think, I'm going to break up with Nathan."
I looked at her. She didn't look at me. I swallowed. "Honestly," I said. "I'm sorry if I'm butting in." I breathed. I had to say this. I couldn't just avoid this one thought. "Nathan... he just, I don't know... he doesn't deserve you." She looked at me all of a sudden and we were stopping under a streetlight. "I mean, he... he just doesn't see who you are and how... how amazing you are. I mean, I'm not saying..." Her eyes were frozen on me.
I just lost this all completely. I looked down. I just revealed myself to her. She was still in shock. She didn't want to be but she was piecing it together quickly. "I," My voice got caught. "I really..." I shook my head and looked her dead in the eyes. "I fell for you, so hard."
Her eyes were scared and soft. She didn't say anything. She just looked at me. I lost her completely. I looked down and touched the back of my neck. "I'll see you, I guess," I mumbled and turned around and walked away. I lose her. That's how easy it is to fuck up sometimes. I just made the biggest fuck-up of my life.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
"califone" anthony green
hi
so i was going ot sit down today and start writing up a storm. turns out... my computer's all effed up. i have two in my computer room so one- with all my writing pieces- is sitting next to me and the other is in use. this only had the past "perfect kisses" and i'm going ot reread it a little. but it means 2 things.
no "last place." no "at the bottom."
potentially: a lot of "all we ever needed" and "perfect kisses."
i'm also reading a lot and messing around with my guitar too. i'm taking up photography and painting again. basically i'm being extremely creative and everything with no inspiration but i'm digging all this new music. i bought some albums- check out dashboard confessional's live unplugged mtv album. it'll blow your mind. i bought the CD/DVD for like four bucks at a record store and need ot sit down and watch it but i shouldn't listen to it. it always makes me write "last place" stuff.
anyways. happy fall. i love fall so much :)
jaseyrambler
so i was going ot sit down today and start writing up a storm. turns out... my computer's all effed up. i have two in my computer room so one- with all my writing pieces- is sitting next to me and the other is in use. this only had the past "perfect kisses" and i'm going ot reread it a little. but it means 2 things.
no "last place." no "at the bottom."
potentially: a lot of "all we ever needed" and "perfect kisses."
i'm also reading a lot and messing around with my guitar too. i'm taking up photography and painting again. basically i'm being extremely creative and everything with no inspiration but i'm digging all this new music. i bought some albums- check out dashboard confessional's live unplugged mtv album. it'll blow your mind. i bought the CD/DVD for like four bucks at a record store and need ot sit down and watch it but i shouldn't listen to it. it always makes me write "last place" stuff.
anyways. happy fall. i love fall so much :)
jaseyrambler
Saturday, September 19, 2009
cass's pov --- elisa's hair dying
hit a wall in my rewrite/any story except for ones i can't write. waiting for my allergy medicine to hit. so i wrote a one-shot.
* * *
"Cass! Elisa's here!"
I walked out of the bathroom and saw Elisa coming up the stairs. She nodded at me. "Hi," She said quietly.
"Hey," I said smiling a little. "What's up?"
"Nothing," She said. I knew that wasn't true. She always texted me or called when she was coming over. Here she was, so she followed me into my room. "Hey, um, I was thinking..." She started.
I looked at her and sat on my bed.
"Um, you know how you said..." She started again pausing. I had no idea where this was going. I was expecting a conversation about Bennett yelling at her or them fighting. "You said I should try dying my hair, and, I don't know... do you think you could?"
My eyes widened a little. I proposed that as a joke. She would look better with darker hair- but she'd never do it in real life. "Yeah," I said smiling. "Are you kidding? Are you busy today?" I got up.
"No," She said stuttering now. "Well, um, actually tonight I am-"
"What time?" I asked stopping at my door. She paused thinking. "Seven thirty."
"Great," I said. "Three hours is perfect. I've had it done in two." I walked into my bathroom closet pushing out of the way toothpaste bottles and toothbrushes from the dentist visits we were saving for later. I found the really dark brown hair dye I bought once but never returned. Here Elisa was in the mood to do something with herself like dying her hair. If I didn't act fast she'd chicken out.
"I was thinking we could do this-" She said walking in. I already had the box open.
"Sit," I said pushing her onto the closed toilet. She did and I got busy setting up quickly. She started dropping excuses. Never well thought out excuses just small lame ones.
"I was thinking I could just tell Bennett first, like I coudl tonight before I actually did it..."
I went into my room and got a huge t-shirt and told her to put it on. I put a towel on her shoulders. "My mom too, she'll kill me Cass..."
I ignored her. I couldn't believe she had actually come to me asking me to dye her hair. This was a radical Elisa I didn't know. I was actually really excited. I was waiting for this since I met Elisa. The moment she'd snap and pull something like this. Something that was permanent. The job thing- if she actually told her mother- she'd quit or something. Her hair was permanent. I brushed it.
"You're going to look so good," I said to her. And that's what did it.
"Okay," She said. "Just make sure I don't look stupid. I can't miss tonight."
"Why?"
"I'm finally going out with Bennett and his friends." She said quietly. I knew Becky. She was weird, but I had no idea who Bennett was even friends with- or the names of the kdis I saw him with. Elisa knew some of them, I knew that. They always went at her in the halls and at lunch and at Bennett teasing him, but this I guess was new.
"You'll look great." I said. "Head down," I pushed her head down and then I started Elisa's hair transformation.
* * *
She put her phone on speaker and waited. She looked nervous. Not only nervous- shocked with herself. Then: "Hello?" It was Bennett. She was going to be late.
"Hi," She said.
"What's up?"
She closed her eyes a little. "I don't know if I can-"
"You can," I said loudly.
Elisa shot me a look. I had told her to say she was going ot be late. She had talked herself into saying she couldn't make it. "So you don't know if you can, but you can...?" I smiled and listened still putting on the finishing touches.
"I'm going to be late," She said. "I just got held up, and it's a really long story."
He laughed quietly. "What?" He asked.
She was panicking a little now. "How is this even a long story?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"Is that Cass?" Bennett's voice asked.
"Yeah," Elisa said. "Sorry, I have to put this on speaker phone."
"So what happened?" He asked laughing quietly.
She sighed. "My mom and I got into a fight." She said.
I listened carefully. I thought Elisa and her mother were really close. I knew Elisa was telling both of us this but I just listened pretending not to. "And she said I was making stupid choices so I just went out and made another one." She said blushing a little.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not stupid," I said.
"What?" Bennett stopped laughing. "What did you do?"
"She just dyed her hair." I said for him.
He sighed. "Good, I thought it was something bad." He said laughing. "It's okay if you're late. You're not going to miss much. Jonah's got a 'huge story' he wants to tell everyone and that'll take about a half hour."
She seemed a little relieved. "Okay," She said. "I'll call you when I go onto 27."
"What color did you dye your hair?" He asked.
"Purple," I said as a joke.
Elisa jumped in quickly. "Brown," She said.
"Which?"
"Brown," She said. "I'm not crazy yet."
He laughed. "Is she lying Cass?" He asked. I honestly liked Bennett. I expected him to be an asshole because he was Bennett Williams but really, he was just plain nice. He wasn't a dick and he wasn't annoying. He was just perfect. Elisa was lucky. She finally found a decent guy.
"Yep," I said.
Elisa turned around. "Stop," She said laughing a little. She wasn't stressed anymore. I think it was Bennett. He had weird effects on her now. It was so strange. "It's dark brown." She said.
"Really? Well, I can't wait to see it." He said. He was cute too. I was a little jealous of her- I'm not lying.
"Okay," She said. "See you tonight."
"Bye," He said.
She hung up. And I nudged her. "A stupid decision my butt." I said. "You look like Rainie Joseph. I wish I looked like Rainie Joseph." She smiled a little tucking her phone away.
"Bennett's friends with Paul Spinella now," She said. "They work together."
I smiled. "Have you seen Rainie Joseph finally?" I asked.
She smiled. "See her?" She said faking cockiness. "I talk to her all the time."
"Whatever," I said.
* * *
She hung up her phone adn put it into her pocket. She was insecure. Touching her neck and looking ahead like a car was coming to hit us. "You look fine," I said driving her. She was letting me borrow her car tonight because I was bored and the Wagon was in the shop- again.
"I'm so scared." She said.
"Of what?" I asked. She had jsut hung up with Bennett. "He isn't going to break up with you because you dyed your hair."
She nodded. "I know." She said. She was such a mess now. The IHOP was looming blue in the distance. We pulled up and there were two silhouettes in the parking lot. I let them cross in front of me but suddenly I knew who they were. It was a girl and a boy and the girl lit up instantly. She came over to Elisa's side and Elisa rolled down the window.
"When did you dye your hair?" She asked.
I was staring at Rainie Joseph. She knew Elisa. I felt bad for not believing this. Elisa just blushed. "Tonight," She said.
"You look so pretty," Rainie Joseph said smiling. "I love it!"
Rainie Joseph was prettier in person and up close. She looked across at me. "Hi," She said reaching her hand in. "I'm Rainie." I hesitated but shook it.
"Cass," I said.
"Oh," She brightened up. "The famous friend Cass," She smiled at me. "It's nice to meet you."
I stared at Rainie Joseph. "It's nice to meet you too." She knew who I was? I felt like hypervenolating.
"Rain," She whirled around. "I'm going inside it's cold."
I felt like I was meeting celebrities or something. Paul Spinella was there talking to Bennett Williams and yelling to Rainie Joseph. I thought this was so unreal. "Eh-lisa!" A kid shot out of the restaurant. "Come out, I hear you changed your hair."
Elisa looked at me. "Do you want to come in with us?" She asked. She wanted me to. She wanted someone with her. I shook my head seeing Bennett waiting for Elisa to get out of the car. I was seeing Elisa less but tonight she was supposed to hang out with Bennett.
"No," I said. "I promised Miles I'd go over and watch a movie with him."
"Come on," Rainie Joseph said. "I always wanted to meet Miles too."
I stared at her shortly. She knew Miles too. I felt starstruck. A kid came over pushing Rain out of the way. He opened the door. "Elisa you look spectacular." The kid said. "You're already out of Bennett's league, now you're on fucking Pluto."
Rainie laughed, she was so pretty.
Elisa looked at me. "Are you sure?" She asked. "You can invite Miles too."
"No," I said. "Go,"
I wacthed her get out and all of a sudden I saw Bennett come out and look at her. He smiled. I was so happy for her. Rainie waved to me and I pulled out. I drove Miles' house and told him everything.
Elisa was friends with all of these popular kids now. I couldn't even believe it. Rainie Joseph knew both of us. But Miles just nodded. "Yuo could have gone with them." He said. "I would have understood."
I shook my head. I wanted to hang out with Miles. I always did. "I want to be here," I said.
He smiled and we watched the movie.
Rainie Joseph knew who I was. I couldn't get over it.
* * *
"Cass! Elisa's here!"
I walked out of the bathroom and saw Elisa coming up the stairs. She nodded at me. "Hi," She said quietly.
"Hey," I said smiling a little. "What's up?"
"Nothing," She said. I knew that wasn't true. She always texted me or called when she was coming over. Here she was, so she followed me into my room. "Hey, um, I was thinking..." She started.
I looked at her and sat on my bed.
"Um, you know how you said..." She started again pausing. I had no idea where this was going. I was expecting a conversation about Bennett yelling at her or them fighting. "You said I should try dying my hair, and, I don't know... do you think you could?"
My eyes widened a little. I proposed that as a joke. She would look better with darker hair- but she'd never do it in real life. "Yeah," I said smiling. "Are you kidding? Are you busy today?" I got up.
"No," She said stuttering now. "Well, um, actually tonight I am-"
"What time?" I asked stopping at my door. She paused thinking. "Seven thirty."
"Great," I said. "Three hours is perfect. I've had it done in two." I walked into my bathroom closet pushing out of the way toothpaste bottles and toothbrushes from the dentist visits we were saving for later. I found the really dark brown hair dye I bought once but never returned. Here Elisa was in the mood to do something with herself like dying her hair. If I didn't act fast she'd chicken out.
"I was thinking we could do this-" She said walking in. I already had the box open.
"Sit," I said pushing her onto the closed toilet. She did and I got busy setting up quickly. She started dropping excuses. Never well thought out excuses just small lame ones.
"I was thinking I could just tell Bennett first, like I coudl tonight before I actually did it..."
I went into my room and got a huge t-shirt and told her to put it on. I put a towel on her shoulders. "My mom too, she'll kill me Cass..."
I ignored her. I couldn't believe she had actually come to me asking me to dye her hair. This was a radical Elisa I didn't know. I was actually really excited. I was waiting for this since I met Elisa. The moment she'd snap and pull something like this. Something that was permanent. The job thing- if she actually told her mother- she'd quit or something. Her hair was permanent. I brushed it.
"You're going to look so good," I said to her. And that's what did it.
"Okay," She said. "Just make sure I don't look stupid. I can't miss tonight."
"Why?"
"I'm finally going out with Bennett and his friends." She said quietly. I knew Becky. She was weird, but I had no idea who Bennett was even friends with- or the names of the kdis I saw him with. Elisa knew some of them, I knew that. They always went at her in the halls and at lunch and at Bennett teasing him, but this I guess was new.
"You'll look great." I said. "Head down," I pushed her head down and then I started Elisa's hair transformation.
* * *
She put her phone on speaker and waited. She looked nervous. Not only nervous- shocked with herself. Then: "Hello?" It was Bennett. She was going to be late.
"Hi," She said.
"What's up?"
She closed her eyes a little. "I don't know if I can-"
"You can," I said loudly.
Elisa shot me a look. I had told her to say she was going ot be late. She had talked herself into saying she couldn't make it. "So you don't know if you can, but you can...?" I smiled and listened still putting on the finishing touches.
"I'm going to be late," She said. "I just got held up, and it's a really long story."
He laughed quietly. "What?" He asked.
She was panicking a little now. "How is this even a long story?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"Is that Cass?" Bennett's voice asked.
"Yeah," Elisa said. "Sorry, I have to put this on speaker phone."
"So what happened?" He asked laughing quietly.
She sighed. "My mom and I got into a fight." She said.
I listened carefully. I thought Elisa and her mother were really close. I knew Elisa was telling both of us this but I just listened pretending not to. "And she said I was making stupid choices so I just went out and made another one." She said blushing a little.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not stupid," I said.
"What?" Bennett stopped laughing. "What did you do?"
"She just dyed her hair." I said for him.
He sighed. "Good, I thought it was something bad." He said laughing. "It's okay if you're late. You're not going to miss much. Jonah's got a 'huge story' he wants to tell everyone and that'll take about a half hour."
She seemed a little relieved. "Okay," She said. "I'll call you when I go onto 27."
"What color did you dye your hair?" He asked.
"Purple," I said as a joke.
Elisa jumped in quickly. "Brown," She said.
"Which?"
"Brown," She said. "I'm not crazy yet."
He laughed. "Is she lying Cass?" He asked. I honestly liked Bennett. I expected him to be an asshole because he was Bennett Williams but really, he was just plain nice. He wasn't a dick and he wasn't annoying. He was just perfect. Elisa was lucky. She finally found a decent guy.
"Yep," I said.
Elisa turned around. "Stop," She said laughing a little. She wasn't stressed anymore. I think it was Bennett. He had weird effects on her now. It was so strange. "It's dark brown." She said.
"Really? Well, I can't wait to see it." He said. He was cute too. I was a little jealous of her- I'm not lying.
"Okay," She said. "See you tonight."
"Bye," He said.
She hung up. And I nudged her. "A stupid decision my butt." I said. "You look like Rainie Joseph. I wish I looked like Rainie Joseph." She smiled a little tucking her phone away.
"Bennett's friends with Paul Spinella now," She said. "They work together."
I smiled. "Have you seen Rainie Joseph finally?" I asked.
She smiled. "See her?" She said faking cockiness. "I talk to her all the time."
"Whatever," I said.
* * *
She hung up her phone adn put it into her pocket. She was insecure. Touching her neck and looking ahead like a car was coming to hit us. "You look fine," I said driving her. She was letting me borrow her car tonight because I was bored and the Wagon was in the shop- again.
"I'm so scared." She said.
"Of what?" I asked. She had jsut hung up with Bennett. "He isn't going to break up with you because you dyed your hair."
She nodded. "I know." She said. She was such a mess now. The IHOP was looming blue in the distance. We pulled up and there were two silhouettes in the parking lot. I let them cross in front of me but suddenly I knew who they were. It was a girl and a boy and the girl lit up instantly. She came over to Elisa's side and Elisa rolled down the window.
"When did you dye your hair?" She asked.
I was staring at Rainie Joseph. She knew Elisa. I felt bad for not believing this. Elisa just blushed. "Tonight," She said.
"You look so pretty," Rainie Joseph said smiling. "I love it!"
Rainie Joseph was prettier in person and up close. She looked across at me. "Hi," She said reaching her hand in. "I'm Rainie." I hesitated but shook it.
"Cass," I said.
"Oh," She brightened up. "The famous friend Cass," She smiled at me. "It's nice to meet you."
I stared at Rainie Joseph. "It's nice to meet you too." She knew who I was? I felt like hypervenolating.
"Rain," She whirled around. "I'm going inside it's cold."
I felt like I was meeting celebrities or something. Paul Spinella was there talking to Bennett Williams and yelling to Rainie Joseph. I thought this was so unreal. "Eh-lisa!" A kid shot out of the restaurant. "Come out, I hear you changed your hair."
Elisa looked at me. "Do you want to come in with us?" She asked. She wanted me to. She wanted someone with her. I shook my head seeing Bennett waiting for Elisa to get out of the car. I was seeing Elisa less but tonight she was supposed to hang out with Bennett.
"No," I said. "I promised Miles I'd go over and watch a movie with him."
"Come on," Rainie Joseph said. "I always wanted to meet Miles too."
I stared at her shortly. She knew Miles too. I felt starstruck. A kid came over pushing Rain out of the way. He opened the door. "Elisa you look spectacular." The kid said. "You're already out of Bennett's league, now you're on fucking Pluto."
Rainie laughed, she was so pretty.
Elisa looked at me. "Are you sure?" She asked. "You can invite Miles too."
"No," I said. "Go,"
I wacthed her get out and all of a sudden I saw Bennett come out and look at her. He smiled. I was so happy for her. Rainie waved to me and I pulled out. I drove Miles' house and told him everything.
Elisa was friends with all of these popular kids now. I couldn't even believe it. Rainie Joseph knew both of us. But Miles just nodded. "Yuo could have gone with them." He said. "I would have understood."
I shook my head. I wanted to hang out with Miles. I always did. "I want to be here," I said.
He smiled and we watched the movie.
Rainie Joseph knew who I was. I couldn't get over it.
Friday, September 18, 2009
What if One-shot
I stood there. This was it. The last goodbye for all of this. The best year of my life was ending. I moved my hands into my pockets and looked around. I had no idea where she was, but I just waited- searching for dark blue. A pair of hands covered my eyes and I smiled peeling them off. I turned around and there she was. She smiled leaning up to kiss me. "You look so depressed," She said softly smiling. I moved my fingers through her hair.
"I'm not," I said. I kissed her forehead and moved my arms down her back. She pressed her face into my chest. I moved my arms tighter around her.
She stepped back and kissed me again. "Tonight was perfect," She said smiling at me. I loved when she smiled at me like this. A year ago I thought this was never possible. And here she was. I kissed her. "I know," I said softly.
She wove her fingers into mine and turned looking around. "Rainie!" Someone called. We looked over and it was Allison. And instantly Rain squeezed my hand beside me.
"Hi," She said faking a smile. I hung back swallowing. Paul was here.
"I didn't see you at all tonight," Allison said. "You look so pretty."
"You too," Rain said to be polite. I ran a hand through my hair awkwardly looking around for him. He had his back to us- having no idea Allison was over here.
"So what's new?" She asked brightly. "What colleges are you both going to?"
Rain looked at me exchanging a look. "Chicago," I said. "We're both going."
"Oh," Allison said smiling. "Good for you. I'm going to Brown in Boston, and Paul's going to Chicago too. I got into Chicago but my parents went to Brown so I had to go there."
Rainie smiled for her. I could tell. Paul was going to Chicago. Fuck. "That's such a good school." Was all she came up with to say. They went back and forth. Asking about this and about that. I just stood there listening and tuning them out slowly.
I looked over and saw Elisa. I looked at Rain. "I'll be right back." I said.
She gave me a look like don't-leave-me but I had to say goodbye to Elisa. I walked over to her- even though we haven't spoken in a month or two. I waved and she nodded looking down. "Hey," I said smiling a little.
"Hi," She said softly.
"So," I said. "How was prom?"
She shrugged a shoulder. "Uneventful," She said quietly. "How about you?"
I shrugged. "Alright," I didn't want to rub in her face that I had a great time. I spent the whole time with Rain and we just talked and danced a little- not much. She was gorgeous and she was perfect. I slipped my hands into my pockets. "Who did you go with?"
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Matt Godrick," She said quietly.
I paused. I heard her and Nathan broke up a few weeks ago. "What happened with you and Nathan?" I asked.
She swallowed. "He broke up with me," She said softly. "We were together a year and it was right on our anniversary."
I stared at her. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.
She shrugged. "I don't know why I stayed with him." She said. "I just thought I'd end up alone or something." I remembered our last conversation. It was Sunday Drive and we were sitting at IHOP. Rainie was in the bathroom and Jonah was asleep. Jeremy long gone. It started with normal conversation and ended with I'm sorry I even said anything. I take it back.
I never second-guessed that Rainie loved me. I knew somewhere she did- she'd always love Paul and I can't compete with him, but here was Elisa. A girl who said she thought she had feelings for me and that they were stronger than her feelings for Nathan. That's what it was like so long ago last summer when I did the same thing Elisa did but to Rainie.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
She nodded. I felt bad. "What college are you going to?" She changed the subject.
"Chicago," I said.
She nodded. "My dad teaches there," She said. "He does English classes. It's a nice school."
I nodded. She looked over my shoulder. "Rain's waiting," She informed me. I nodded looking at Elisa. She was pretty. Her hair was black now. She looked tired and she was wearing a black short dress. She was much darker than Rainie and could actually wear black witohut looking pale. She was pretty, and I opened my mouth.
"I want to stay in touch," I said. "You were one of my closest friends and I miss talking to you."
She stared at me. Her eyes were two different colors tonight. I couldn't look in them too long.
"Who knows," I said. "If things were different, maybe we would have ended up together and who knows what will happen eventually, but I don't want to lose touch with you because of something like that."
She nodded. "Who knows," She said quietly. "It could have happened with us."
I nodded. "I have to get going soon, but I'll email you this weekend."
She nodded. "Stay in touch," I got suddenly she was mocking me. We wouldn't stay in touch. It was like Rain and Paul. They always say they're friends but they really aren't. I stepped closer to her and hugged her. She sat there stiff in my arms and I walked away over to Rainie. She kissed me. "Ready to go?" She asked.
I smiled. "Yeah," I said. "If you are."
I meant Paul. She wanted to talk to Paul. I knew she did. She nodded. "Come on," She says. We got into my car and pulled out. She put on a Sunday Drive CD and turned it up. She staretd singing and smiling and laughing. She was beautiful. And when we pulled into her driveway we turned it down and turned all the lights off. I kissed her. "I love you Rain."
She just kissed me. And still, I told myself not to doubt her. She had to love me at least a little bit.
"I'm not," I said. I kissed her forehead and moved my arms down her back. She pressed her face into my chest. I moved my arms tighter around her.
She stepped back and kissed me again. "Tonight was perfect," She said smiling at me. I loved when she smiled at me like this. A year ago I thought this was never possible. And here she was. I kissed her. "I know," I said softly.
She wove her fingers into mine and turned looking around. "Rainie!" Someone called. We looked over and it was Allison. And instantly Rain squeezed my hand beside me.
"Hi," She said faking a smile. I hung back swallowing. Paul was here.
"I didn't see you at all tonight," Allison said. "You look so pretty."
"You too," Rain said to be polite. I ran a hand through my hair awkwardly looking around for him. He had his back to us- having no idea Allison was over here.
"So what's new?" She asked brightly. "What colleges are you both going to?"
Rain looked at me exchanging a look. "Chicago," I said. "We're both going."
"Oh," Allison said smiling. "Good for you. I'm going to Brown in Boston, and Paul's going to Chicago too. I got into Chicago but my parents went to Brown so I had to go there."
Rainie smiled for her. I could tell. Paul was going to Chicago. Fuck. "That's such a good school." Was all she came up with to say. They went back and forth. Asking about this and about that. I just stood there listening and tuning them out slowly.
I looked over and saw Elisa. I looked at Rain. "I'll be right back." I said.
She gave me a look like don't-leave-me but I had to say goodbye to Elisa. I walked over to her- even though we haven't spoken in a month or two. I waved and she nodded looking down. "Hey," I said smiling a little.
"Hi," She said softly.
"So," I said. "How was prom?"
She shrugged a shoulder. "Uneventful," She said quietly. "How about you?"
I shrugged. "Alright," I didn't want to rub in her face that I had a great time. I spent the whole time with Rain and we just talked and danced a little- not much. She was gorgeous and she was perfect. I slipped my hands into my pockets. "Who did you go with?"
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Matt Godrick," She said quietly.
I paused. I heard her and Nathan broke up a few weeks ago. "What happened with you and Nathan?" I asked.
She swallowed. "He broke up with me," She said softly. "We were together a year and it was right on our anniversary."
I stared at her. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.
She shrugged. "I don't know why I stayed with him." She said. "I just thought I'd end up alone or something." I remembered our last conversation. It was Sunday Drive and we were sitting at IHOP. Rainie was in the bathroom and Jonah was asleep. Jeremy long gone. It started with normal conversation and ended with I'm sorry I even said anything. I take it back.
I never second-guessed that Rainie loved me. I knew somewhere she did- she'd always love Paul and I can't compete with him, but here was Elisa. A girl who said she thought she had feelings for me and that they were stronger than her feelings for Nathan. That's what it was like so long ago last summer when I did the same thing Elisa did but to Rainie.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
She nodded. I felt bad. "What college are you going to?" She changed the subject.
"Chicago," I said.
She nodded. "My dad teaches there," She said. "He does English classes. It's a nice school."
I nodded. She looked over my shoulder. "Rain's waiting," She informed me. I nodded looking at Elisa. She was pretty. Her hair was black now. She looked tired and she was wearing a black short dress. She was much darker than Rainie and could actually wear black witohut looking pale. She was pretty, and I opened my mouth.
"I want to stay in touch," I said. "You were one of my closest friends and I miss talking to you."
She stared at me. Her eyes were two different colors tonight. I couldn't look in them too long.
"Who knows," I said. "If things were different, maybe we would have ended up together and who knows what will happen eventually, but I don't want to lose touch with you because of something like that."
She nodded. "Who knows," She said quietly. "It could have happened with us."
I nodded. "I have to get going soon, but I'll email you this weekend."
She nodded. "Stay in touch," I got suddenly she was mocking me. We wouldn't stay in touch. It was like Rain and Paul. They always say they're friends but they really aren't. I stepped closer to her and hugged her. She sat there stiff in my arms and I walked away over to Rainie. She kissed me. "Ready to go?" She asked.
I smiled. "Yeah," I said. "If you are."
I meant Paul. She wanted to talk to Paul. I knew she did. She nodded. "Come on," She says. We got into my car and pulled out. She put on a Sunday Drive CD and turned it up. She staretd singing and smiling and laughing. She was beautiful. And when we pulled into her driveway we turned it down and turned all the lights off. I kissed her. "I love you Rain."
She just kissed me. And still, I told myself not to doubt her. She had to love me at least a little bit.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
sean's pov ---- jonah's house/bennett's house
Jonah was getting drunk. I could tell. There wasn't much of a difference from normal Jonah and drunk Jonah except when he's drunk he talks less. When he's high he just sits on the ground and stares at fixed points. I was walking by when I heard it. "Eh-lisa Lor-en!"
Bennett was playing downstairs so I didn't feel a need to play the role of protecting him. I walked towards the door and she was standing there alone "Hi," She said quietly.
"What is new?" He asked leaning against the door.
I walk closer and see that her face is flushed and she has been crying. "Nothing," She says. "Um, is Bennett here?" She points in towards the party.
I walk up. "I wouldn't talk to him if I were you," I said. She looks at me and suddenly she shrinks back. "He's not doing too good. He's down there playing depressing Dashboard and Alkaline... if you're here to talk to him about whatever, I'm sorry."
She looks down. "Oh," She says quietly.
Then Jonah puts a hand on my chest. He looks at her. "I'll let you in," He says. "Depending on what your intentions are."
She looks at him, and she blushes instantly. "I just," She loses what she's saying. "I just broke up with Nathan."
Jonah pushes me back and steps out of the way. He ushers her in and she steps in awkwardly looking around. "Come on," He says. He starts down the stairs after shutting the door. Bennett is packing up and people are avoiding him. He's pretty pissed off and emo right now. He shuts his case and sips the water bottle in his hand. I don't know if it's liquor or water or both but he stands up and Jonah waves at him.
He makes eye contact with me and then his eyes move in Elisa's direction and he just nods at Jonah and me and walks away. I look at Elisa who is just watching him. "Sorry," Jonah says. "He's not that happy of a camper."
She looks down and tucks hair behind her ear. "Okay," She says. "Um, thanks though, for letting me in."
"No problem," Jonah says. I watch her but the door opposite the room opens and closes with Bennett slipping out with Jonah's guitar to keep it in the sound room. Elisa starts up the stairs and I watch her.
It's stupid and it'll just make more of a mess but I call after her. "Hey," She turns. "He's leaving now and walking home probably. You can probably catch him if you want to."
She pauses. "Thanks," She says quietly to me. And I turn around. Jonah sighs throwing an arm around my shoulder. "The things we do for Bennett fucking Williams." He sighs.
I roll my eyes. "I don't know why I bother," I said moving my arm around Jonah as a joke. "He's cool and shit but God, his love life's wearing me down."
"What even happened with her?" Jonah asks. "They had sex didn't they?"
"If only," I roll my eyes. "He's still a virgin- just found out him and Rainie never did anything. I have no idea why he's so pissed off." I pull my arm away.
"She is pretty," Jonah says. "And a Sunday Drive hardcore- that lead singer of Sunday Drive was eating her up at the show. She's more obsessed than Bennett."
I raise my eyebrows. "Ten bucks he ignores her," I say.
"Ten bucks she takes his virginity," Jonah says smirking.
"He wishes," I go up to get a beer. Jeremy's walking in with a backpack. He points behind him.
"Bennett and the girl are out there," He said. "Well, she's trying to keep up with him."
I turn around to Jonah. "Give me those ten bucks," I said. "He speed walks like a motherfucker." Jonah sighs and reaches into his back pocket and gets out a wad of cash he got from the keg an hour ago. He hands me a soggy ten and I pocket it. I feel bad for Elisa, but theirs no second-chances in Bennett's books.
By the end of the night I don't get any pissed off Bennett phone calls. I don't hear from him again. That means he's sulking. I don't really give a shit. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I smoke a few bowls with Jeremy only to wake up the next morning in Jonah's basement not even remembering anything about last night other than I should have a voicemail from Bennett.
Jonah jumps on top of me. "I'm going to visit Bennett," He says. "Wanna' come?"
I sigh getting up. "No," I say. My head doesn't hurt and Jonah never gets hung over. Jeremy's passed out next to me.
"Come on," He says. "I stole your wallet while you were sleeping." I reach back and pat my pockets. He did. Not surprising...
"Then you'll buy us IHOP as we try and emotionally re-stabilize him. I say we buy him a prositute too or a stripper or something. He needs to get some fucking balls sooner or later." He pulls me up to my feet. "You can just talk Ellen up while I pick up our shattered little boy and get him some deep fried mother fucking pancakes."
I run a hand through my hair. "Come on," I say. We walk over to his house and it's a short walk. I'm pretty sure I won the bet no matter what. His car is parked in the driveway with Ellen's and it's freezing. We go into the house.
"Hello?" Ellen calls fromthe kitchen.
"Ellen!" Jonah calls. "Where's my second favorite tenant in the Williams household?"
I see her come out drying a dish off. "He's still asleep," She says smiling. Ellen looks about twenty but she's really thirty seven or eight. She lowers her voice. "What's wrong with him?"
Sometimes I forget this is his mother. I forget she gave birth to him like seventeen years ago. I walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter as Jonah takes the stairs. "Elisa Loren," I say.
There is a moment when she pouts a little. I wish my mom was like this. "That's a shame, she was my favorite." She said.
I nod and then I hear Jonah's voice from Bennett's room. I sigh and Ellen and I both start for the stairs. We make it and head up. "You have to get up," She says to Bennett.
He groans and whines about going to bed at four. He's not hung over. He's just pissy. I blast music and he just groans getting up to shut it off. Jonah is insinuating he goes after Elisa but I can tell. I sigh and take out the ten bucks from my pocket when Bennett isn't looking. I give ti to Jonah. "I'll give you free coffee," I said. "Give me my wallett back."
Jonah hands it to me and I shove it down my back pocket.
"So," Jonah starts. "You and Elisa... you guys heading for Rainie and Paul's status?"
Bennett ignores us and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "We're going ot IHOP." Jonah announces.
"You are," He said. "I'm going to Carol's."
"Why?" I ask.
"I'm going with Elisa," He says.
"Wow..." Jonah starts. "You ditch me already fro some chick who likes a band you like... wow. What ever happened to bros before Elisa?"
Bennett just rolls his eyes and goes downstairs and gets some coffee. I follow him. This is better than picking up his mess.
*****
wrtoe a wek ago in twenty minutes. pretty fast-paced and lacking there of detail. hah. sorry.
Bennett was playing downstairs so I didn't feel a need to play the role of protecting him. I walked towards the door and she was standing there alone "Hi," She said quietly.
"What is new?" He asked leaning against the door.
I walk closer and see that her face is flushed and she has been crying. "Nothing," She says. "Um, is Bennett here?" She points in towards the party.
I walk up. "I wouldn't talk to him if I were you," I said. She looks at me and suddenly she shrinks back. "He's not doing too good. He's down there playing depressing Dashboard and Alkaline... if you're here to talk to him about whatever, I'm sorry."
She looks down. "Oh," She says quietly.
Then Jonah puts a hand on my chest. He looks at her. "I'll let you in," He says. "Depending on what your intentions are."
She looks at him, and she blushes instantly. "I just," She loses what she's saying. "I just broke up with Nathan."
Jonah pushes me back and steps out of the way. He ushers her in and she steps in awkwardly looking around. "Come on," He says. He starts down the stairs after shutting the door. Bennett is packing up and people are avoiding him. He's pretty pissed off and emo right now. He shuts his case and sips the water bottle in his hand. I don't know if it's liquor or water or both but he stands up and Jonah waves at him.
He makes eye contact with me and then his eyes move in Elisa's direction and he just nods at Jonah and me and walks away. I look at Elisa who is just watching him. "Sorry," Jonah says. "He's not that happy of a camper."
She looks down and tucks hair behind her ear. "Okay," She says. "Um, thanks though, for letting me in."
"No problem," Jonah says. I watch her but the door opposite the room opens and closes with Bennett slipping out with Jonah's guitar to keep it in the sound room. Elisa starts up the stairs and I watch her.
It's stupid and it'll just make more of a mess but I call after her. "Hey," She turns. "He's leaving now and walking home probably. You can probably catch him if you want to."
She pauses. "Thanks," She says quietly to me. And I turn around. Jonah sighs throwing an arm around my shoulder. "The things we do for Bennett fucking Williams." He sighs.
I roll my eyes. "I don't know why I bother," I said moving my arm around Jonah as a joke. "He's cool and shit but God, his love life's wearing me down."
"What even happened with her?" Jonah asks. "They had sex didn't they?"
"If only," I roll my eyes. "He's still a virgin- just found out him and Rainie never did anything. I have no idea why he's so pissed off." I pull my arm away.
"She is pretty," Jonah says. "And a Sunday Drive hardcore- that lead singer of Sunday Drive was eating her up at the show. She's more obsessed than Bennett."
I raise my eyebrows. "Ten bucks he ignores her," I say.
"Ten bucks she takes his virginity," Jonah says smirking.
"He wishes," I go up to get a beer. Jeremy's walking in with a backpack. He points behind him.
"Bennett and the girl are out there," He said. "Well, she's trying to keep up with him."
I turn around to Jonah. "Give me those ten bucks," I said. "He speed walks like a motherfucker." Jonah sighs and reaches into his back pocket and gets out a wad of cash he got from the keg an hour ago. He hands me a soggy ten and I pocket it. I feel bad for Elisa, but theirs no second-chances in Bennett's books.
By the end of the night I don't get any pissed off Bennett phone calls. I don't hear from him again. That means he's sulking. I don't really give a shit. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I smoke a few bowls with Jeremy only to wake up the next morning in Jonah's basement not even remembering anything about last night other than I should have a voicemail from Bennett.
Jonah jumps on top of me. "I'm going to visit Bennett," He says. "Wanna' come?"
I sigh getting up. "No," I say. My head doesn't hurt and Jonah never gets hung over. Jeremy's passed out next to me.
"Come on," He says. "I stole your wallet while you were sleeping." I reach back and pat my pockets. He did. Not surprising...
"Then you'll buy us IHOP as we try and emotionally re-stabilize him. I say we buy him a prositute too or a stripper or something. He needs to get some fucking balls sooner or later." He pulls me up to my feet. "You can just talk Ellen up while I pick up our shattered little boy and get him some deep fried mother fucking pancakes."
I run a hand through my hair. "Come on," I say. We walk over to his house and it's a short walk. I'm pretty sure I won the bet no matter what. His car is parked in the driveway with Ellen's and it's freezing. We go into the house.
"Hello?" Ellen calls fromthe kitchen.
"Ellen!" Jonah calls. "Where's my second favorite tenant in the Williams household?"
I see her come out drying a dish off. "He's still asleep," She says smiling. Ellen looks about twenty but she's really thirty seven or eight. She lowers her voice. "What's wrong with him?"
Sometimes I forget this is his mother. I forget she gave birth to him like seventeen years ago. I walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter as Jonah takes the stairs. "Elisa Loren," I say.
There is a moment when she pouts a little. I wish my mom was like this. "That's a shame, she was my favorite." She said.
I nod and then I hear Jonah's voice from Bennett's room. I sigh and Ellen and I both start for the stairs. We make it and head up. "You have to get up," She says to Bennett.
He groans and whines about going to bed at four. He's not hung over. He's just pissy. I blast music and he just groans getting up to shut it off. Jonah is insinuating he goes after Elisa but I can tell. I sigh and take out the ten bucks from my pocket when Bennett isn't looking. I give ti to Jonah. "I'll give you free coffee," I said. "Give me my wallett back."
Jonah hands it to me and I shove it down my back pocket.
"So," Jonah starts. "You and Elisa... you guys heading for Rainie and Paul's status?"
Bennett ignores us and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "We're going ot IHOP." Jonah announces.
"You are," He said. "I'm going to Carol's."
"Why?" I ask.
"I'm going with Elisa," He says.
"Wow..." Jonah starts. "You ditch me already fro some chick who likes a band you like... wow. What ever happened to bros before Elisa?"
Bennett just rolls his eyes and goes downstairs and gets some coffee. I follow him. This is better than picking up his mess.
*****
wrtoe a wek ago in twenty minutes. pretty fast-paced and lacking there of detail. hah. sorry.
sean's pov ---- kerrington high parking lot
We opened the doors of his car and got in. I sat there buckling myself in. Bennett stared at the steering wheel. "Do you have a cigarette?" He asked.
This was bad. I reached into my back pocket and pulled one out. Bennett tried smoking but his mom got mad at him so he stopped. He just went back to dreaming about Rainie Joseph and wasting all of his money going to shows. Now he smokes when he's stressed. I produced a cigarette and handed it to him. I got out my lighter and passed it to him too and he lite it taking in a deep drag.
I get myself one too. And we sit there smoking in his car. "Where were you yesterday?" He coughs and I wait. It'll come out soon. He stares at the steering wheel and inhales again. "I smoked a few bowls with Jeremy yesterday." He says.
He smokes pot when he's depressed or just trying to get fucked up. I nod. "Elisa give you the speech?" I ask. I figure it was that. Elisa would never cheat on her boyfriend. The girls he don't just give the speech. "I like you as a friend and sort of like you-like you but I'm in love with my boyfriend- you're just making this hard for me. I think we should stop talking for a little while."
"Nope," He says.
"Then what?" I ask looking at him. Maybe Elisa is really different when you get to know her.
He takes another drag blowing out smoke concentrating on the steering wheel. "I stayed over her house."
"You fucked her?" I ask. Scratch that: Elisa is a slut.
He shakes his head. "No," He says. "We just hooked up but I fell asleep, but she's staying with Nathan. She fucked me."
I look forward and smoke some more. He finished his cigarette and throws it out the window. He starts his car and pulls out of his parking space. He makes it to the cross-walk in front of the school where he stops. Nathan Pratt is making his way across it with some friends- his arm thrown around a girl who isn't Elisa by about half a foot and three bra sizes. He waves grinning at Bennett.
This is worse. His knuckles go white and he hits the gas and then the brakes in three seconds. He doesn't hit Nathan just scares him. Bennett lays on his horn and Nathan just stares and hurries across with his band of stupid frat-football players. I look at Bennett. He's pissed and he keeps driving not looking at me.
I feel like I'm driving with a maniac but once we hit a red light his knuckles turn red as he loosens his grip. He's just depressed again. Not pissed off or off in left field, he's just depressed. I lean forward and put on New Found Glory and instead of looking at me. He just keeps driving concentrating on the road.
So I don't bother with the guitar solo. I'm not even in the mood.
This was bad. I reached into my back pocket and pulled one out. Bennett tried smoking but his mom got mad at him so he stopped. He just went back to dreaming about Rainie Joseph and wasting all of his money going to shows. Now he smokes when he's stressed. I produced a cigarette and handed it to him. I got out my lighter and passed it to him too and he lite it taking in a deep drag.
I get myself one too. And we sit there smoking in his car. "Where were you yesterday?" He coughs and I wait. It'll come out soon. He stares at the steering wheel and inhales again. "I smoked a few bowls with Jeremy yesterday." He says.
He smokes pot when he's depressed or just trying to get fucked up. I nod. "Elisa give you the speech?" I ask. I figure it was that. Elisa would never cheat on her boyfriend. The girls he don't just give the speech. "I like you as a friend and sort of like you-like you but I'm in love with my boyfriend- you're just making this hard for me. I think we should stop talking for a little while."
"Nope," He says.
"Then what?" I ask looking at him. Maybe Elisa is really different when you get to know her.
He takes another drag blowing out smoke concentrating on the steering wheel. "I stayed over her house."
"You fucked her?" I ask. Scratch that: Elisa is a slut.
He shakes his head. "No," He says. "We just hooked up but I fell asleep, but she's staying with Nathan. She fucked me."
I look forward and smoke some more. He finished his cigarette and throws it out the window. He starts his car and pulls out of his parking space. He makes it to the cross-walk in front of the school where he stops. Nathan Pratt is making his way across it with some friends- his arm thrown around a girl who isn't Elisa by about half a foot and three bra sizes. He waves grinning at Bennett.
This is worse. His knuckles go white and he hits the gas and then the brakes in three seconds. He doesn't hit Nathan just scares him. Bennett lays on his horn and Nathan just stares and hurries across with his band of stupid frat-football players. I look at Bennett. He's pissed and he keeps driving not looking at me.
I feel like I'm driving with a maniac but once we hit a red light his knuckles turn red as he loosens his grip. He's just depressed again. Not pissed off or off in left field, he's just depressed. I lean forward and put on New Found Glory and instead of looking at me. He just keeps driving concentrating on the road.
So I don't bother with the guitar solo. I'm not even in the mood.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
rainie's pov --- setting: coolen high cafeteria
I come up sitting down next to Paul whose already sitting at our usual table. Jess-ee-cah sits across from me. "Guess what I got?" I ask him leaning again him.
"Strawberry fruit snacks," He says not even looking at me. I shake his cast under the table.
"You're too smart for me, Paul Spinella," I say pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Jess rolls her eyes. "You do this everyday," She said. "God, it's intoxicating sitting near you guys." She always makes that comment too. I take them out and rip the bag open and start picking out pieces and popping them into my mouth.
"Guess what?" I ask.
"What?" Jess asks.
"I guess I hooked up with Bennett Williams last week," I say. "I mean, the details are a little fuzzy but I've heard the possibility of oral and other nasty deeds were involved."
Paul doesn't even wince. "That's funny," He says. "Where?"
"Jonah O'Connor's house," I say popping another strawberry fruit snack into my mouth. "Which is funnier because we were together the whole time. Must be amnesia..."
Jess shakes her head. "Heard Bennett has a new girl." She says sipping her soda pop. I look at her. "Who?" I ask.
"Elisa Loren," Paul says next to me.
I look at him. He takes a bite of his school buffalo chicken sandwich. And I wait. "Whose that?" Jess asks looking at him. "Some new girl? A slut without a reputation yet?"
He chews and swallows. "You know that shitty band Three Cheers?" He asks me.
I hug his arm. "The band we met over?" I ask smiling batting my eyes.
He sighs. "Yeah, that one," He says. "The singer Nathan Pratt's girlfriend."
"How do you know?" Jess-ee-cah asks. "I thought you and Williams weren't on speaking terms."
Paul looks up. "No," He says. "We talk all the time. We work together a lot and she came in once and he freaked out about it. Sean Mayor said he's liked her for almost a month now."
"Have you seen her?" I ask him loosening my grip of his arm.
He nods. "She's short," He says. "And-"
"Is she pretty?" Jess-ee-cah cuts in.
"Don't say 'yes' I say," I say pulling away from him. He rolls his eyes and eats more of his sandwich. I look at his lunch grimancing. His lips taste gross after he eats this sandwich. I pop a strawberry fruit snack into my mouth.
"I'm hunting her down," Jess-ee-cah says matter-of-factly. "I bet she's pretty. I'm surprised I don't know her..."
"She's a junior," Paul says. "She's really quiet too."
"She's not a slut?" Jess asks.
I shoot her a look. "You're not funny." I say. "These Rainie-is-a-slut jokes are getting old."
She smiles and looks down. Paul shifts and then Jess looks up and sees this girl walking by. "Hey, Mand," She jumps up. "Do you know a girl names Elisa Lauren at Kerrington?"
I pop another strawberry fruit snack into my mouth and Paul keeps eating his gross sandwich. I look at him. "Is she pretty?" I ask.
He looks at me shrugging. That's an obvious yes. I nudge him. "Oh, well," I say. "At least I know if you break up with me for some girl you're going to drive into a tree once you realize you've blown it."
He sighs and looks away. I lean my head on his shoulder. He puts his andwich down. "I love you," I say.
"I love you, too," He says. I smile and look at him. He kisses my lips quickly and gets up to throw his tray away. I stand up with him weaving my fingers into his. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"You're going to buy some fruit snacks to share with me," I say. "Right?"
He throws his tray away and we walk over to where they sell fruit snacks. He gets the strawberry kind and hands them to me. I'm still not done with my other bag but we go back and sit across from each other and eat them. I love strawberry fruit snacks, and his lips taste like strawberries like when they do when he eats strawberry pancakes at IHOP.
"Strawberry fruit snacks," He says not even looking at me. I shake his cast under the table.
"You're too smart for me, Paul Spinella," I say pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Jess rolls her eyes. "You do this everyday," She said. "God, it's intoxicating sitting near you guys." She always makes that comment too. I take them out and rip the bag open and start picking out pieces and popping them into my mouth.
"Guess what?" I ask.
"What?" Jess asks.
"I guess I hooked up with Bennett Williams last week," I say. "I mean, the details are a little fuzzy but I've heard the possibility of oral and other nasty deeds were involved."
Paul doesn't even wince. "That's funny," He says. "Where?"
"Jonah O'Connor's house," I say popping another strawberry fruit snack into my mouth. "Which is funnier because we were together the whole time. Must be amnesia..."
Jess shakes her head. "Heard Bennett has a new girl." She says sipping her soda pop. I look at her. "Who?" I ask.
"Elisa Loren," Paul says next to me.
I look at him. He takes a bite of his school buffalo chicken sandwich. And I wait. "Whose that?" Jess asks looking at him. "Some new girl? A slut without a reputation yet?"
He chews and swallows. "You know that shitty band Three Cheers?" He asks me.
I hug his arm. "The band we met over?" I ask smiling batting my eyes.
He sighs. "Yeah, that one," He says. "The singer Nathan Pratt's girlfriend."
"How do you know?" Jess-ee-cah asks. "I thought you and Williams weren't on speaking terms."
Paul looks up. "No," He says. "We talk all the time. We work together a lot and she came in once and he freaked out about it. Sean Mayor said he's liked her for almost a month now."
"Have you seen her?" I ask him loosening my grip of his arm.
He nods. "She's short," He says. "And-"
"Is she pretty?" Jess-ee-cah cuts in.
"Don't say 'yes' I say," I say pulling away from him. He rolls his eyes and eats more of his sandwich. I look at his lunch grimancing. His lips taste gross after he eats this sandwich. I pop a strawberry fruit snack into my mouth.
"I'm hunting her down," Jess-ee-cah says matter-of-factly. "I bet she's pretty. I'm surprised I don't know her..."
"She's a junior," Paul says. "She's really quiet too."
"She's not a slut?" Jess asks.
I shoot her a look. "You're not funny." I say. "These Rainie-is-a-slut jokes are getting old."
She smiles and looks down. Paul shifts and then Jess looks up and sees this girl walking by. "Hey, Mand," She jumps up. "Do you know a girl names Elisa Lauren at Kerrington?"
I pop another strawberry fruit snack into my mouth and Paul keeps eating his gross sandwich. I look at him. "Is she pretty?" I ask.
He looks at me shrugging. That's an obvious yes. I nudge him. "Oh, well," I say. "At least I know if you break up with me for some girl you're going to drive into a tree once you realize you've blown it."
He sighs and looks away. I lean my head on his shoulder. He puts his andwich down. "I love you," I say.
"I love you, too," He says. I smile and look at him. He kisses my lips quickly and gets up to throw his tray away. I stand up with him weaving my fingers into his. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"You're going to buy some fruit snacks to share with me," I say. "Right?"
He throws his tray away and we walk over to where they sell fruit snacks. He gets the strawberry kind and hands them to me. I'm still not done with my other bag but we go back and sit across from each other and eat them. I love strawberry fruit snacks, and his lips taste like strawberries like when they do when he eats strawberry pancakes at IHOP.
cass's pov --- setting: kerrington high cafeteria
"No," Miles said dryly. "I'm not going to talk to Kevin for you."
"Why?" I asked. There was no reason not to. Miles was my best friend. I'd do the same thing for him. If he ever even liked someone. I sighed when he just took a bite out of his green salad wrap and busied himself eating it. Elisa sat silently beside me picking at her sandwich and staring down at it. The silence overtook us. I leaned onto my arm and looked at my half of Elisa's sandwich. I hated lunches like this.
Then I saw Kevin. He smiled at me and my heart started speeding. I waved to him and smiled back. He started coming over but was cut off by Bennett Williams who was walking back to his table. I remembered the only time I ever sort-of talked to Bennett Williams- he was so goodlooking. Rainie Joseph was lucky to have even had a small chance with him. I heard he dumped her.
Kevin kept coming over and sat down across from me when Miles scooted over across from Elisa quickly. "Hey," He said.
"Hi," I said brightly. I never wanted a boyfriend so badly. Miles rolled his eyes the way he does and ignores us the best he can. "What's up?"
"Nothing," He said. "I always thought I had a shitty lunch until now. Do you mind me sitting here?"
"It's completely fine," I said smiling leaning closer to him.
Miles got up in the mad way he does. "I need a knife," He mumbles and walks away. I look at him and then Kevin leans towards me. "What's up with that kid? He's always so pissed off..."
I shake my head. "Miles is so cool," I said. "We're really good friends." I always make it a point that people know how good friends me and Miles are. Everyone really likes him or they just don't get him. He's hard to graps but he's on of the nicest people you will ever meet. I look over and see him walking stiffly away over to the plastic knives and what not. He just is insecure around Kevin, I think.
Elisa stiffens all of a sudden, she's looking up ahead of her and all of a sudden I see Bennett Williams. He's not just walking by mindlessly like he always does- he's like a fucking movie star. Everyone around him is just white noise. He's smiling. Not at one of his friends or someone he knows. "Hey, Elisa," He says waving.
I look at her as Kevin looks behind himself. She touches her neck and smiles a little. "Hi," She says but instantly dives into a rosey shade of pink. He comes over to her.
"Did you get your tickets for Sunday Drive?"
My mind is exploding at amazing rates. Reason number one, Bennett Williams knows and is talking to Elisa. Two, she's answering him which means she knows him- because I've never seen anyone except for her stress the rule "don't talk to strangers." Three, he is talking to her about... drumroll, Sudnay Drive. This is a mirage or something.
She shifts looking over at me, and I'm still staring at her. She's a foot or two away from me. "No," She says- her voice tightening. "They sold out by the time I went to order them."
What show are they even talking about? He raises his eyebrows. "Are you serious?" He asks.
She nods, shrugging one shoulder. "I guess I'll just have to see them next time." She says softly.
He points behind him. "You know how I told you Jonah was ordering me a ticket?" He asked. She nods. What? They talk somewhat normally? Elisa Loren is probably the shiest and half-mute person you'll ever get a first impression of. She's talking to Bennett Williams and not even breaking much of a sweat because of him- more because of me. "Well, he got me one and then my other friend ordered me one too, so I was just going to bring someone, but if you want to go with us I could give it to you... I haven't promised it to anyone yet. I was nervous you didn't get one."
Then all of a sudden she brightens up. "Are you sure?" She asks. "I mean, it's okay with your friends if I go?"
"Jonah's obsessed with you," Bennett Williams says... my mind re-explodes. She knows his friends? What. The. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She is basically planning a date with the hottest emo kid in the entire district and she's more newvous about me staring at her. I. am. fucking. oh. my god. "I don't think it's going to be a problem. Besides I was going to ask Sean who would have gladly shoved the ticket away anyways."
She smiles a little. "Okay," She says. "Yeah, that sounds great."
He smiles. "Cool," He says. "And I've been listening to the EP over and over again. It's incredible."
She smiles at him still. I look at Kevin who's waiting for me to notice him. I flash a finger quickly up for a minute to listen some more. "I'm in love with it," She says. Then she looks at me. I make eye contact with her. Then I look and see Bennett look at me.
"This is Cass," Elisa says quickly blushing again. "Cass this is Bennett."
Bennett Williams smiles at me. "I think I've met you before, you're friends with Miles right?"
"Yeah," I say in a high-pitched voice. He remembers me? I was practically fainting in his presence. How is Elisan not dead?
"Elisa's told me a lot about you," He says smiling. "It's nice to meet you again."
I smile and nod. "She hasn't said much about you," I say looking over at her quickly. "Nice meeting you again, too."
A kid jumps up next to him. "Hey there," The kid has glasses on and is tall and in a Saves the Day shirt. "How's my friend Eh-lisa?"
"Hi," She says quietly blushing again.
Bennett Williams sighs and peels the other kid off of his shoulder. "Sorry," He says. "I'll leave you guys alone. But yeah, we can talk later about the details..."
"About what?" The kid presses. Then he gets excited. Not normal excited. A loud hyper kidn of excited. He slams his hands down on the table. "No! You're coming to Sunday Drive with us?" He holds his hand out for a high-five that Elisa blushes again- because of me, I know- and gives him his high-five. "I told him to ask if you had a ticket, sick, now this is a good crowd."
Elisa smiles a little. "Yeah," She says says. She looks at Bennett. "Yeah, I'll see you later. Um, do you want me to send you what I have done on the project?" What project? The only class we have that would have Bennett Williams involved.... the Shakespeare project. I look at Bennett Williams who is smiling at her.
"Yeah," He says. "Send it tonight, and I'll send you the final copy for you to print out tomorrow."
"Okay," She says.
"You coming to see Bennett play at my house this weekend?" The other kid asks sitting down across from Elisa. Miles seems to have vanished but I look at the kid taking his place across from her. She shakes her head. "I can't." She says. "There's..."
"Come on," Bennett Williams tugs on the kids arm. The kid gets up. And keeps looking at Elisa.
"Shh," He says to Bennett Williams. He looks at Elisa. "I want you at my house," He says pointing at Elisa. "Fuck your boyfriend, Sean and Spinella says his band is complete shit anyways. You've missed him two weeks in a row." The kid points to himself. "Do me a solid, Elisa, come to my party get crazy drunk and make out with me."
Elisa shakes her head- strangely she doesn't blush. "I can't," She says. "I'll try and make it though."
Bennett Williams shakes his head. "If you have to see Nathan, go see his band. It's fine."
The kid points at Bennett Williams. "He'll just shit his pants if you come," He says. "He gets nervous easily. Just promise me you'll stop by for five minutes to hear him cover a Sunday Drive song and then you can leave."
Bennett Williams shakes his head and wraps his hand around the kids arm and pulls him away. "I'm sorry," Bennett Williams says sympathetically to Elisa. "He didn't take his meds today. But, hey, I'll talk to you later."
She smiles. "It's okay," She says. "Um, yeah, talk to you later." At that Bennett Williams drags his hyper friend away and Elisa bunches up her sandwich and bag into a ball and gets up quickly and rushes away from me. I look at Kevin.
"Excuse me," I say.
I follow her to the trash and then into the bathroom. She barely makes it to the stall. I grab her arm. "What was that?" I ask smiling.
She turns around defeated. "Please," She says quietly. "Don't make this a big deal. We just talk in English."
"And out of English," I point out. "You know his friends?"
She crosses her arms. "Please, Cass," She looks at me. What's wrong with me asking about her random weird friendship with The Bennett fucking Williams. "It's not a huge deal. One of his friends introduced themselves to me at Death Cab and then I hung out with him on Halloween-"
I stare at her. "I thought you ditched me to hang out with Nathan?" I said. She winces at the word 'ditched' but I can't say she didn't.
She touched her neck. "He ditched me," She said quietly. "And then Jonah and San were trick-or-treating and they invited me over... so I went."
I stare at her. "How long have you been friends with him?" I ask.
She thinks. "A month and a half," She says quietly. "But please, I don't want to get a hard time about this. And I don't want Nathan to find out."
I stare at her. "Why?" I ask.
She turns suddenly as Rachel Powers comes out of the stall. Her mouth is a tight thin line. It splits into a grin when she sees us. "Oh, hi, Elisa." She says. She goes to wash her hands. Elisa goes silent and looks down.
I don't know where to start asking questions. Elisa- who is in love with Nathan- doesn't want him to know about how she's friends with Bennett Williams. Elisa- perfect, pretty, smart, quiet Elisa- is hiding something from the love of her high school career. Then I start to think she's hiding something else.
"What," She says. "Do you like him or something?"
She gives me a look. "No," She says quickly.
Rachel walks out of the bathroom and heads into the cafeteria. Then Elisa turns to the sink and washes her hands for a minute. I stare at her. I feel like I barely know her. She is gone. She's so different. I hadn't even noticed. I look at her and she dries her hands on the thin paper towels balling them up and throwing them in the trash.
"I don't like him," She repeats to me. I look at her. I can tell. She does. I just know.
"Does he like you?" I ask.
She shakes her head silently. Then I start asking questions. They follow her to the lunch table and she tries to tell me as little as possible. Miles and Kevin are talking. There is an exchanging of looks between Elisa and Miles. "You knew?" I ask Miles.
"Yeah," He says hesitating looking at Elisa.
Kevin looks at Elisa suddenly. It's a weird look. It's the looks I see people give Bennett Williams. I start to get why she doesn't want people to know. I find myself looking at her in a new light all on my own. She's not the person I used to know.
The bell rings and she gets up. This is an Elisa Loren I don't know at all. But she's my best friend no matter what.
"Why?" I asked. There was no reason not to. Miles was my best friend. I'd do the same thing for him. If he ever even liked someone. I sighed when he just took a bite out of his green salad wrap and busied himself eating it. Elisa sat silently beside me picking at her sandwich and staring down at it. The silence overtook us. I leaned onto my arm and looked at my half of Elisa's sandwich. I hated lunches like this.
Then I saw Kevin. He smiled at me and my heart started speeding. I waved to him and smiled back. He started coming over but was cut off by Bennett Williams who was walking back to his table. I remembered the only time I ever sort-of talked to Bennett Williams- he was so goodlooking. Rainie Joseph was lucky to have even had a small chance with him. I heard he dumped her.
Kevin kept coming over and sat down across from me when Miles scooted over across from Elisa quickly. "Hey," He said.
"Hi," I said brightly. I never wanted a boyfriend so badly. Miles rolled his eyes the way he does and ignores us the best he can. "What's up?"
"Nothing," He said. "I always thought I had a shitty lunch until now. Do you mind me sitting here?"
"It's completely fine," I said smiling leaning closer to him.
Miles got up in the mad way he does. "I need a knife," He mumbles and walks away. I look at him and then Kevin leans towards me. "What's up with that kid? He's always so pissed off..."
I shake my head. "Miles is so cool," I said. "We're really good friends." I always make it a point that people know how good friends me and Miles are. Everyone really likes him or they just don't get him. He's hard to graps but he's on of the nicest people you will ever meet. I look over and see him walking stiffly away over to the plastic knives and what not. He just is insecure around Kevin, I think.
Elisa stiffens all of a sudden, she's looking up ahead of her and all of a sudden I see Bennett Williams. He's not just walking by mindlessly like he always does- he's like a fucking movie star. Everyone around him is just white noise. He's smiling. Not at one of his friends or someone he knows. "Hey, Elisa," He says waving.
I look at her as Kevin looks behind himself. She touches her neck and smiles a little. "Hi," She says but instantly dives into a rosey shade of pink. He comes over to her.
"Did you get your tickets for Sunday Drive?"
My mind is exploding at amazing rates. Reason number one, Bennett Williams knows and is talking to Elisa. Two, she's answering him which means she knows him- because I've never seen anyone except for her stress the rule "don't talk to strangers." Three, he is talking to her about... drumroll, Sudnay Drive. This is a mirage or something.
She shifts looking over at me, and I'm still staring at her. She's a foot or two away from me. "No," She says- her voice tightening. "They sold out by the time I went to order them."
What show are they even talking about? He raises his eyebrows. "Are you serious?" He asks.
She nods, shrugging one shoulder. "I guess I'll just have to see them next time." She says softly.
He points behind him. "You know how I told you Jonah was ordering me a ticket?" He asked. She nods. What? They talk somewhat normally? Elisa Loren is probably the shiest and half-mute person you'll ever get a first impression of. She's talking to Bennett Williams and not even breaking much of a sweat because of him- more because of me. "Well, he got me one and then my other friend ordered me one too, so I was just going to bring someone, but if you want to go with us I could give it to you... I haven't promised it to anyone yet. I was nervous you didn't get one."
Then all of a sudden she brightens up. "Are you sure?" She asks. "I mean, it's okay with your friends if I go?"
"Jonah's obsessed with you," Bennett Williams says... my mind re-explodes. She knows his friends? What. The. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She is basically planning a date with the hottest emo kid in the entire district and she's more newvous about me staring at her. I. am. fucking. oh. my god. "I don't think it's going to be a problem. Besides I was going to ask Sean who would have gladly shoved the ticket away anyways."
She smiles a little. "Okay," She says. "Yeah, that sounds great."
He smiles. "Cool," He says. "And I've been listening to the EP over and over again. It's incredible."
She smiles at him still. I look at Kevin who's waiting for me to notice him. I flash a finger quickly up for a minute to listen some more. "I'm in love with it," She says. Then she looks at me. I make eye contact with her. Then I look and see Bennett look at me.
"This is Cass," Elisa says quickly blushing again. "Cass this is Bennett."
Bennett Williams smiles at me. "I think I've met you before, you're friends with Miles right?"
"Yeah," I say in a high-pitched voice. He remembers me? I was practically fainting in his presence. How is Elisan not dead?
"Elisa's told me a lot about you," He says smiling. "It's nice to meet you again."
I smile and nod. "She hasn't said much about you," I say looking over at her quickly. "Nice meeting you again, too."
A kid jumps up next to him. "Hey there," The kid has glasses on and is tall and in a Saves the Day shirt. "How's my friend Eh-lisa?"
"Hi," She says quietly blushing again.
Bennett Williams sighs and peels the other kid off of his shoulder. "Sorry," He says. "I'll leave you guys alone. But yeah, we can talk later about the details..."
"About what?" The kid presses. Then he gets excited. Not normal excited. A loud hyper kidn of excited. He slams his hands down on the table. "No! You're coming to Sunday Drive with us?" He holds his hand out for a high-five that Elisa blushes again- because of me, I know- and gives him his high-five. "I told him to ask if you had a ticket, sick, now this is a good crowd."
Elisa smiles a little. "Yeah," She says says. She looks at Bennett. "Yeah, I'll see you later. Um, do you want me to send you what I have done on the project?" What project? The only class we have that would have Bennett Williams involved.... the Shakespeare project. I look at Bennett Williams who is smiling at her.
"Yeah," He says. "Send it tonight, and I'll send you the final copy for you to print out tomorrow."
"Okay," She says.
"You coming to see Bennett play at my house this weekend?" The other kid asks sitting down across from Elisa. Miles seems to have vanished but I look at the kid taking his place across from her. She shakes her head. "I can't." She says. "There's..."
"Come on," Bennett Williams tugs on the kids arm. The kid gets up. And keeps looking at Elisa.
"Shh," He says to Bennett Williams. He looks at Elisa. "I want you at my house," He says pointing at Elisa. "Fuck your boyfriend, Sean and Spinella says his band is complete shit anyways. You've missed him two weeks in a row." The kid points to himself. "Do me a solid, Elisa, come to my party get crazy drunk and make out with me."
Elisa shakes her head- strangely she doesn't blush. "I can't," She says. "I'll try and make it though."
Bennett Williams shakes his head. "If you have to see Nathan, go see his band. It's fine."
The kid points at Bennett Williams. "He'll just shit his pants if you come," He says. "He gets nervous easily. Just promise me you'll stop by for five minutes to hear him cover a Sunday Drive song and then you can leave."
Bennett Williams shakes his head and wraps his hand around the kids arm and pulls him away. "I'm sorry," Bennett Williams says sympathetically to Elisa. "He didn't take his meds today. But, hey, I'll talk to you later."
She smiles. "It's okay," She says. "Um, yeah, talk to you later." At that Bennett Williams drags his hyper friend away and Elisa bunches up her sandwich and bag into a ball and gets up quickly and rushes away from me. I look at Kevin.
"Excuse me," I say.
I follow her to the trash and then into the bathroom. She barely makes it to the stall. I grab her arm. "What was that?" I ask smiling.
She turns around defeated. "Please," She says quietly. "Don't make this a big deal. We just talk in English."
"And out of English," I point out. "You know his friends?"
She crosses her arms. "Please, Cass," She looks at me. What's wrong with me asking about her random weird friendship with The Bennett fucking Williams. "It's not a huge deal. One of his friends introduced themselves to me at Death Cab and then I hung out with him on Halloween-"
I stare at her. "I thought you ditched me to hang out with Nathan?" I said. She winces at the word 'ditched' but I can't say she didn't.
She touched her neck. "He ditched me," She said quietly. "And then Jonah and San were trick-or-treating and they invited me over... so I went."
I stare at her. "How long have you been friends with him?" I ask.
She thinks. "A month and a half," She says quietly. "But please, I don't want to get a hard time about this. And I don't want Nathan to find out."
I stare at her. "Why?" I ask.
She turns suddenly as Rachel Powers comes out of the stall. Her mouth is a tight thin line. It splits into a grin when she sees us. "Oh, hi, Elisa." She says. She goes to wash her hands. Elisa goes silent and looks down.
I don't know where to start asking questions. Elisa- who is in love with Nathan- doesn't want him to know about how she's friends with Bennett Williams. Elisa- perfect, pretty, smart, quiet Elisa- is hiding something from the love of her high school career. Then I start to think she's hiding something else.
"What," She says. "Do you like him or something?"
She gives me a look. "No," She says quickly.
Rachel walks out of the bathroom and heads into the cafeteria. Then Elisa turns to the sink and washes her hands for a minute. I stare at her. I feel like I barely know her. She is gone. She's so different. I hadn't even noticed. I look at her and she dries her hands on the thin paper towels balling them up and throwing them in the trash.
"I don't like him," She repeats to me. I look at her. I can tell. She does. I just know.
"Does he like you?" I ask.
She shakes her head silently. Then I start asking questions. They follow her to the lunch table and she tries to tell me as little as possible. Miles and Kevin are talking. There is an exchanging of looks between Elisa and Miles. "You knew?" I ask Miles.
"Yeah," He says hesitating looking at Elisa.
Kevin looks at Elisa suddenly. It's a weird look. It's the looks I see people give Bennett Williams. I start to get why she doesn't want people to know. I find myself looking at her in a new light all on my own. She's not the person I used to know.
The bell rings and she gets up. This is an Elisa Loren I don't know at all. But she's my best friend no matter what.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
"I'm Yours Tonight" The Academy Is...
Forever alone, until I found you
And now your always there
There's only your scent on my clothes
Oh, but when the sun exposes all my demons,
will you stay or run away?
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skiesI'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
Wherever you go,
they say I'm bad news
When everyone agrees,
Whispers start sounding like screams
Oh, but I know what you want
To say before the words escape your teeth
Will you just believe?
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
My good intentions,
can leave the hardest parts
The harshes scars you'll never see (you'll never see)
My bad impressions, oh they will follow me,
Making enemies that I can't see
Forever alone, until I found you
And I know that you'll stay
You won't run away
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight (I'm yours tonight)
I'm yours tonight
****
does this not scream bennett talking to elisa?
And now your always there
There's only your scent on my clothes
Oh, but when the sun exposes all my demons,
will you stay or run away?
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skiesI'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
Wherever you go,
they say I'm bad news
When everyone agrees,
Whispers start sounding like screams
Oh, but I know what you want
To say before the words escape your teeth
Will you just believe?
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
My good intentions,
can leave the hardest parts
The harshes scars you'll never see (you'll never see)
My bad impressions, oh they will follow me,
Making enemies that I can't see
Forever alone, until I found you
And I know that you'll stay
You won't run away
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight
I'm yours tonight
I'll help you find your way
Every moment your awake,
You know I'll stay
Even in your dreams
I'll pull the stars down from the heavens,
To fill your empty skies
I'm yours tonight (I'm yours tonight)
I'm yours tonight
****
does this not scream bennett talking to elisa?
"everything we had" the academy is...
hi
the reson i can't post the thousands of notes i have in bennett's pov is because they'll ruin th whole story. but i might start posting band interviews of Red Letter Day or just one-shots of life when they're older. i actually have a piece of a little "what if" and it's pretty cool to write. it's pretty realistic actually. i think.
but there is a lot happening with a certain favorite band of mine and as an active member of the "boards" i have my copy of their new ep preordered and i'm assuming it will cause a jump in inspiration for "last place" so hopefully it will be done eventually.
*sigh*
i'm going to write.
edit: i am POSITIVE there will be a burst of "last place" around sept. 29th. oh.my.god. i'm.... oh god. in love.
jaseyray
the reson i can't post the thousands of notes i have in bennett's pov is because they'll ruin th whole story. but i might start posting band interviews of Red Letter Day or just one-shots of life when they're older. i actually have a piece of a little "what if" and it's pretty cool to write. it's pretty realistic actually. i think.
but there is a lot happening with a certain favorite band of mine and as an active member of the "boards" i have my copy of their new ep preordered and i'm assuming it will cause a jump in inspiration for "last place" so hopefully it will be done eventually.
*sigh*
i'm going to write.
edit: i am POSITIVE there will be a burst of "last place" around sept. 29th. oh.my.god. i'm.... oh god. in love.
jaseyray
Saturday, September 12, 2009
bennett's pov -- setting: ihop
Jonah slid down in the booth to make room for us- we were obviously late- we didn't miss much, just a few fat jokes at Aaron and Rainie trying to make Paul snap. I stepped back so Elisa could sit down and she moved in sitting next to Jonah. I looked at Paul who nodded trying to pretend he was listening to Jonah. I sat down across from him and looked at Elisa.
It didn't bother me so much anymore to be around Rainie and Paul with Elisa. Rain obviously liked Elisa a lot and talked to her all of the time about who knows what whenever they were alone- but even though I'm fine around Paul and Rain alone, having Elisa with me makes them intimidating. They're in love, and I'm not so envious of them, but it's just hard to see them the way they are- so disfunctionally together- and then how Elisa and I are in front of people.
We rarely acknowledge each other. We are in the same conversations and no matter how much she's changed- she still sits back a little. She still blushes sometimes when she says something opposing what someone else says. She still speaks quietly and laughs softly. She still stiffens whenever Jonah makes a joke at her, but I feel like she rarely notices me. Rainie and Paul only function as one person.
If Rain is tired he'll leave early to take her home. If she's in the bathroom he'll order for her and if he's fighting with me about something Rain will order for him. If she's thirsty he's thirtsy. If he needs air she needs air. If he looks upset she pulls him off to the side. I look at Elisa again out of the corner of me eye.
She's the reason Rainie and I never worked out. She's the reason Rain and I fell apart- if we were ever something more than a free hook-up and drinking partners.
I look at Jonah's whose still talking. I could have what Paul has easily. I have the girl I just need some more time. Eventually we could be just like them. And that thought makes my stomach flip flop. I've never thought that about a girl. Elisa's different, I guess.
She takes out her phone and looks at it. I see it and it's Cass so I get up and move out. She gets out of the booth and passes me saying she'll be right back. I watch her walk out saying "Hello," but I sit down and try and get back into Jonah's story.
Rain looks at me, bored with Jonah's story already or just distracted. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "How are things with Elisa?" She asked.
I smiled instantly. I tend to always do. "Great," I said.
She smiled too, and rested her arms on the table. "That's good," She said. "You guys are perfect for each other." She always tells me that, but I never doubted it for a second. The months before I met Elisa- if you asked me what my dream girl was I probably would have described Elisa without even knowing her. Paul moved his arm to the back of Rain's chair and listened more to Jonah. Her eyes moved to him. "Get up," She said.
He looked at her but she was already up moving out of the way. "Switch seats," She said. He moved over and she moved into his seat looking at me. "I see her at Carol's all the time, she's so nice." She said.
"Yeah," I said. "She's told me she's seen you a couple times." She doesn't get into it, she says she saw Rain and that they talked a little- I'm never sure what they talk about but who really knows.
I looked over and saw her. She was walking back. I moved out instantly and she smiled at me quietly. "Um," She said. "I have to give Miles that thing for Cass really fast, he's coming by so can I just have your keys really fast?"
I reached into my pockets and got them out. "Do you want me to wait with you?" I asked.
"No," She said. "It's okay, it'll only be a few minutes."
She took them and walked out. I sat back down watching her still walk away. Rain was jsut looking at me. "I've never seen you like this," She said smiling. "It's so weird."
"Like what?" I looked at her. I wasn't acting different at all. I felt so normal whenever I was around Elisa.
"I don't know," She said. "You just care about her I guess." I looked at Rainie for a few seconds and then I understood. I remembered when her and Paul started getting serious. The change was small but when they were together you could see it. I smiled a little. "I know," I said.
We both got sucked back into listening to Jonah. A minute or two passed and I got up walking out. Nobody noticed but I walked outside and saw her leaning against my car. She turned when I came out and we smild at each other. "Hey," I said I walked over standing next to her.
"Hi," She said. She looked back at the little white and blue building. "Not that exciting?"
"Nah," I said. "Jonah's still talking."
"This is his longest story yet, I think," She said.
I smiled. "It's record shattering," I said. She smiled and looked down. "I don't think anyone's listening, I think he's just hearing himself talk by now."
She nodded. We were quiet. She looked at me. "I'm sorry about this," She said. "It's cold, you should go inside."
"I don't think it's cold," I said.
She had her arms crossed and smiled. "Wait another minute," She said. "It hits you." I inched closer moving my arm around her. She leaned into my and looked up. I kissed her- her lips smiled agaisnt mine. She leaned her head against my side.
A pair of headlights swung in and it was Miles- she reached back and got the book. And walekd towards it. He rolled down a window. "Thanks," He said. He made Cass this book- it was a photo album but he charcoal-colored every page and colored in one thing per page. He doesn't have a computer so he had Elisa burn her a CD of the songs she thought went with each page. He just gave her the book in school and had her do the CD but it was pretty cool.
"You're welcome," She said. "She's going to love it."
"I hope so." He sighed.
"See you,"
"Bye," He rolled up the window and started driving away. She turned around and looked at me coming closer. I kissed her and pulled her into my arms.
"We should go inside," She said.
"Okay," I said. I touched her hand and felt it shaking a little. I squeezed it and we walked inside. I never felt her shake. We went back and sat down. Everyone had their pancakes. Rainie was slowly stealing Paul's whipped cream when he wasn't looking and I had mine sitting in front of where I had been sitting.
I looked at them- they were just strawberry ones. They didn't look that good. I didn't really want them. Rainie cut into her chocolate chips. Those looked really good. "Want to trade?" Elisa asked softly. I looked at her. She held the edge of her plate.
"No," I said. "It's okay."
She didn't listened. She picked mine up and put her chocolate chip pancakes in front of me. I reached back for mine. I felt bad for taking her pancakes. She pressed her lips to mine and picked up her fork. She didn't say anything else. She just cut off a piece of my pancakes for herself and ate it. I smild a little kissing the top of her head. "Thanks," I whispered.
She kissed me, her lips tasting like strawberries. I looked down at her pancakes and cut off a piece. Rainie was smiling at us and moved her head against Paul's shoulder. He kept fighting with Jonah reaching over and touching Rain's hand.
I didn't really need what Paul and Rainie had, I was gaining it slowly on my own with Elisa.
It didn't bother me so much anymore to be around Rainie and Paul with Elisa. Rain obviously liked Elisa a lot and talked to her all of the time about who knows what whenever they were alone- but even though I'm fine around Paul and Rain alone, having Elisa with me makes them intimidating. They're in love, and I'm not so envious of them, but it's just hard to see them the way they are- so disfunctionally together- and then how Elisa and I are in front of people.
We rarely acknowledge each other. We are in the same conversations and no matter how much she's changed- she still sits back a little. She still blushes sometimes when she says something opposing what someone else says. She still speaks quietly and laughs softly. She still stiffens whenever Jonah makes a joke at her, but I feel like she rarely notices me. Rainie and Paul only function as one person.
If Rain is tired he'll leave early to take her home. If she's in the bathroom he'll order for her and if he's fighting with me about something Rain will order for him. If she's thirsty he's thirtsy. If he needs air she needs air. If he looks upset she pulls him off to the side. I look at Elisa again out of the corner of me eye.
She's the reason Rainie and I never worked out. She's the reason Rain and I fell apart- if we were ever something more than a free hook-up and drinking partners.
I look at Jonah's whose still talking. I could have what Paul has easily. I have the girl I just need some more time. Eventually we could be just like them. And that thought makes my stomach flip flop. I've never thought that about a girl. Elisa's different, I guess.
She takes out her phone and looks at it. I see it and it's Cass so I get up and move out. She gets out of the booth and passes me saying she'll be right back. I watch her walk out saying "Hello," but I sit down and try and get back into Jonah's story.
Rain looks at me, bored with Jonah's story already or just distracted. She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "How are things with Elisa?" She asked.
I smiled instantly. I tend to always do. "Great," I said.
She smiled too, and rested her arms on the table. "That's good," She said. "You guys are perfect for each other." She always tells me that, but I never doubted it for a second. The months before I met Elisa- if you asked me what my dream girl was I probably would have described Elisa without even knowing her. Paul moved his arm to the back of Rain's chair and listened more to Jonah. Her eyes moved to him. "Get up," She said.
He looked at her but she was already up moving out of the way. "Switch seats," She said. He moved over and she moved into his seat looking at me. "I see her at Carol's all the time, she's so nice." She said.
"Yeah," I said. "She's told me she's seen you a couple times." She doesn't get into it, she says she saw Rain and that they talked a little- I'm never sure what they talk about but who really knows.
I looked over and saw her. She was walking back. I moved out instantly and she smiled at me quietly. "Um," She said. "I have to give Miles that thing for Cass really fast, he's coming by so can I just have your keys really fast?"
I reached into my pockets and got them out. "Do you want me to wait with you?" I asked.
"No," She said. "It's okay, it'll only be a few minutes."
She took them and walked out. I sat back down watching her still walk away. Rain was jsut looking at me. "I've never seen you like this," She said smiling. "It's so weird."
"Like what?" I looked at her. I wasn't acting different at all. I felt so normal whenever I was around Elisa.
"I don't know," She said. "You just care about her I guess." I looked at Rainie for a few seconds and then I understood. I remembered when her and Paul started getting serious. The change was small but when they were together you could see it. I smiled a little. "I know," I said.
We both got sucked back into listening to Jonah. A minute or two passed and I got up walking out. Nobody noticed but I walked outside and saw her leaning against my car. She turned when I came out and we smild at each other. "Hey," I said I walked over standing next to her.
"Hi," She said. She looked back at the little white and blue building. "Not that exciting?"
"Nah," I said. "Jonah's still talking."
"This is his longest story yet, I think," She said.
I smiled. "It's record shattering," I said. She smiled and looked down. "I don't think anyone's listening, I think he's just hearing himself talk by now."
She nodded. We were quiet. She looked at me. "I'm sorry about this," She said. "It's cold, you should go inside."
"I don't think it's cold," I said.
She had her arms crossed and smiled. "Wait another minute," She said. "It hits you." I inched closer moving my arm around her. She leaned into my and looked up. I kissed her- her lips smiled agaisnt mine. She leaned her head against my side.
A pair of headlights swung in and it was Miles- she reached back and got the book. And walekd towards it. He rolled down a window. "Thanks," He said. He made Cass this book- it was a photo album but he charcoal-colored every page and colored in one thing per page. He doesn't have a computer so he had Elisa burn her a CD of the songs she thought went with each page. He just gave her the book in school and had her do the CD but it was pretty cool.
"You're welcome," She said. "She's going to love it."
"I hope so." He sighed.
"See you,"
"Bye," He rolled up the window and started driving away. She turned around and looked at me coming closer. I kissed her and pulled her into my arms.
"We should go inside," She said.
"Okay," I said. I touched her hand and felt it shaking a little. I squeezed it and we walked inside. I never felt her shake. We went back and sat down. Everyone had their pancakes. Rainie was slowly stealing Paul's whipped cream when he wasn't looking and I had mine sitting in front of where I had been sitting.
I looked at them- they were just strawberry ones. They didn't look that good. I didn't really want them. Rainie cut into her chocolate chips. Those looked really good. "Want to trade?" Elisa asked softly. I looked at her. She held the edge of her plate.
"No," I said. "It's okay."
She didn't listened. She picked mine up and put her chocolate chip pancakes in front of me. I reached back for mine. I felt bad for taking her pancakes. She pressed her lips to mine and picked up her fork. She didn't say anything else. She just cut off a piece of my pancakes for herself and ate it. I smild a little kissing the top of her head. "Thanks," I whispered.
She kissed me, her lips tasting like strawberries. I looked down at her pancakes and cut off a piece. Rainie was smiling at us and moved her head against Paul's shoulder. He kept fighting with Jonah reaching over and touching Rain's hand.
I didn't really need what Paul and Rainie had, I was gaining it slowly on my own with Elisa.
Friday, September 11, 2009
bennett's pov - setting: bennett's bedroom (***not as dirty as it seems)
Saturday was my day to sleep in. I was lying there passed out and before I knew it I woke up to the worst of alarm clocks. I didn't even hear anything I just felt someone jump on top of me and pin me down on my bed. "Guess." Multiple slaps were planted in my face. "What. I. Heard."
I moved my arm up placing my elbow on his chest and pushing him off of me. "Jonah, what the fuck," I hissed. "Get out, right now." He moved off of me tumbling onto my floor. I saw his head pop up and he started ripping off my sheets.
"No," He said. "You need all the scheeming and charm you can muster, because guess who got dumped last night?"
I groaned and buried my face into my pillow. It wasn't that I didn't put two and two together, I was just exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. I need. Sleep. I rolled over and instantly he sat on my bed bouncing up and down making it to it was uncomfortable and impossible to sleep whatsoever. I lifted my head and heard Sean and my mother talking.
"Fuck you," I mumbled.
"Nope," He said. "Not Paul Spinella... but you're close... well not really, but you know... just guess dude."
I'm not going to guess. I didn't say that outloud. Sleep. I wanted to sleep. I went to bed at what? Four at the earliest, I don't even remember. Then I remembered why. I smiled a little and moved my head to the side and breathed. Jonah kept bouncing. "Guess, guess, guess, guess," He said over and over again. I didn't need to fucking guess. I needed three more hours of sleep. Just three. More. Hours.
I heard footsteps come upstairs. Sean came in and then my mother. "Bennett, honey," She said. "You need to get up, don't you have work today?"
"No," I groaned. "I went to sleep at like four... can't I just have one or two more hours?" I was whining like a little kid. I was exhausted. Sean went over to my stereo and started blasting whatever I had in.
"Did you tell him?" He yelled over the music.
"He's not guessing," He said.
I rolled onto my back rubbing my eyes. "Guys," I said. They kept yelling over the music. "Guys... guys!" I sat up and they looked at me.
"What?" Sean said. I got up and turned down the music.
"I know," I said.
"Know what?" Jonah asked. "I didn't even tell you."
I rubbed my eye again. "Is the person I'm guessing a guy or a girl?" I asked. My arms dropped to my sides.
"Dude," Jonah said crossing his legs onto my bed.
"****** *****," I said. And he stared at me.
"Bennett Charles Williams," Jonah said. I didn't ghave a middle name so he made it up most of the time. But he grinned. "What, did you turn on the scheming and the charm last night?"
I shook my head. "Nope," I said. "I'm dating someone. I don't need to start flirting with anyone else."
I moved my arm up placing my elbow on his chest and pushing him off of me. "Jonah, what the fuck," I hissed. "Get out, right now." He moved off of me tumbling onto my floor. I saw his head pop up and he started ripping off my sheets.
"No," He said. "You need all the scheeming and charm you can muster, because guess who got dumped last night?"
I groaned and buried my face into my pillow. It wasn't that I didn't put two and two together, I was just exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. I need. Sleep. I rolled over and instantly he sat on my bed bouncing up and down making it to it was uncomfortable and impossible to sleep whatsoever. I lifted my head and heard Sean and my mother talking.
"Fuck you," I mumbled.
"Nope," He said. "Not Paul Spinella... but you're close... well not really, but you know... just guess dude."
I'm not going to guess. I didn't say that outloud. Sleep. I wanted to sleep. I went to bed at what? Four at the earliest, I don't even remember. Then I remembered why. I smiled a little and moved my head to the side and breathed. Jonah kept bouncing. "Guess, guess, guess, guess," He said over and over again. I didn't need to fucking guess. I needed three more hours of sleep. Just three. More. Hours.
I heard footsteps come upstairs. Sean came in and then my mother. "Bennett, honey," She said. "You need to get up, don't you have work today?"
"No," I groaned. "I went to sleep at like four... can't I just have one or two more hours?" I was whining like a little kid. I was exhausted. Sean went over to my stereo and started blasting whatever I had in.
"Did you tell him?" He yelled over the music.
"He's not guessing," He said.
I rolled onto my back rubbing my eyes. "Guys," I said. They kept yelling over the music. "Guys... guys!" I sat up and they looked at me.
"What?" Sean said. I got up and turned down the music.
"I know," I said.
"Know what?" Jonah asked. "I didn't even tell you."
I rubbed my eye again. "Is the person I'm guessing a guy or a girl?" I asked. My arms dropped to my sides.
"Dude," Jonah said crossing his legs onto my bed.
"****** *****," I said. And he stared at me.
"Bennett Charles Williams," Jonah said. I didn't ghave a middle name so he made it up most of the time. But he grinned. "What, did you turn on the scheming and the charm last night?"
I shook my head. "Nope," I said. "I'm dating someone. I don't need to start flirting with anyone else."
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
versaemerge what not
hi
ps! wtf? why hasn't anyone ranted to me about my lack of updates? almost a month since i posted anything? where's the yelling screaming people? it feels like last week since i posted something. come on, stay on your toes.
jaseyray.
\/ read the oneshot
ps! wtf? why hasn't anyone ranted to me about my lack of updates? almost a month since i posted anything? where's the yelling screaming people? it feels like last week since i posted something. come on, stay on your toes.
jaseyray.
\/ read the oneshot
Sean/Bennett's POV -- Setting: Jonah's House
Sean’s POV
My fingers were wedged between all the rings on two of Becky’s fingers. I looked down at them. “Can you try taking some of them off?” I asked. She looked down playing with her lip ring with her tongue.
“No,” She said rolling her eyes and she went back to talking to her friend Mandy. I sighed leaning my head back. I saw Bennett and normally that never concerned me. I usually didn’t give a shit about him- he gave me no reason to. I saw him on the ground in the corner talking to Rainie Joseph. She cut her hair or something but she was listening to him talk excitedly. I hadn’t seen him like that since he liked Rainie the first time. I sighed again. This was it. I was back to being his crutch again.
“What’s your problem Negative Nancy?” Mandy asked. I looked back at Becky and Mandy. They usually just talk about the most pointless things like Mandy liking this boy named Kevin and how he liked one of the girls Becky works with sometimes. I didn’t give a fuck about that shit but now I had to deal with another Rainie episode.
“Bennett’s talking to Rainie Joseph again,” I said. “He likes her… again.”
Becky looked over and she sighed too. “God,” She said. “Why the fuck does he do that to himself all the time?”
“What is he doing that’s so bad?” Mandy asked. No offense to Mandy and all- but she’s half retarded. I want to shoot her half of the time. All she does is mope and ask the most retarded questions. She’s worse than Jonah sometimes when he’s off his medication. I looked over at Bennett who was smiling and looking at Rainie as she was probably talking.
“Because,” Becky said. “She’s in love with that kid Paul Spinella and they just got back together a few weeks ago. Her and Bennett had a thing when they were broken up but Bennett dumped her and now he likes her again… it’s so fucking stupid. I mean I thought he’d learn by now…” I nodded in agreement. I looked up and saw Jonah. He jumped over the couch- I saw him midair and tumbled onto the ground lying on his side. Mandy screeched and almost everyone in the room looked over- except for Bennett and Rainie.
“What’s up?” Jonah said fixing himself upright. I crossed my legs and nodded over at Bennett drooling over that slut. Jonah whipped his head over and looked. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s Joseph again,” Becky said. “It’s happening all over again.”
He leaned back and looked at Rainie from a different angle. “Why is she wearing a Sunday Drive shirt?” Jonah asked. It was obvious. Bennett was obsessed with them- he was bound to make her a mix-CD of all Sunday Drive songs and drag her out to a show. I didn’t answer and we all looked over. Bennett caught all of us he gripped his neck and kept talking.
Jonah started to get up but Becky grabbed his arm forcing him back onto the ground. “Don’t go over there,” She hissed. “Let him get fucked over if that’s what he wants.”
Mandy looked over. “Wait isn’t that Paul Spinella?” She asked. I looked over and there was Paul with Rainie all over him. She was kissing him as she sat on a card table. Then I looked over at the Rainie Joseph look-a-like. “Holy shit,” I said. “Who is that then?”
Becky looked over. “I have no idea…” She said.
Jonah looked over again. “He’s into her,” He said. “Whoa, he looks like a serial killer smiling like that. What the hell?” I looked over and he was laughing- not laughing like he does around us- serial killer real laughing. I shook my head. “I have no idea then.”
Miles went over to them. He started talking and Bennett just listened- I think Miles was just talking to the girl. “She’s a weed-head,” Jonah said. “She’s friends with Miles.”
Mandy shook her head. “No,” She said loudly like that was so stupid. Miles used to do drugs with Jeremy- obviously if he smoked with the girl if they were friends. “Miles got clean last summer.”
“Yeah,” Jonah said. “But he was only friends with weed-heads.”
Becky looked over. “I think he’s friends with this girl Cass now.” She said. “But I’ve never seen this girl before- she goes to Kerrington probably.” I looked over and saw Bennett stand up helping the girl up too. She took his hand hesitantly but she stood up and just made it to his chest. She was tiny.
“Cass?” Mandy asked. “As in Kevin’s Cass?”
“Yup,” Becky said. Then we saw her face. “Holy shit, I know her from somewhere…”
Bennett said goodbye to the girl and she walked away with Miles. She looked eleven but he watched her walk away before coming over to us. He looked down sighing and sat down readying himself for whatever we were going to throw at him.
Bennett’s POV
I had no idea she was going to come. I thought she just said she’d try, but there she was walking away. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I looked over and saw Sean who was just looking at me with a dead stare in his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was get into Elisa. I walked over looking at them. Jonah was grinning up at me like an idiot. The last thing I wanted to do was tell them about Elisa.
I sat down and it was quiet except for Becky and her friend going on about “some bitch who was flirting with Kevin all the time now.” I looked at Sean and he didn’t sat anything.
Jonah dived in. “Whose the chick?” He asked. “That where you get your weed now?”
I looked at him confused. Elisa and drugs? “What?” I said quickly.
“Shut up,” Sean said to Jonah. I looked at Sean who shrugged. “She hangs out with Miles.” I shook my head – that was ridiculous. Elisa wasn’t like that. She said herself she never drank, that night a few weeks ago was rare. She was just upset.
“She doesn’t do drugs,” I said defensively. How could they even say that about her? She never looked like the kind of person who would ever do that crap.
“Who is she then?” Jonah asked grinning again. “You were all over her.”
My eyes widened, was I all over her? I didn’t touch her. I didn’t sit too close to her. I didn’t look at her in weird ways. We were just talking alone- that was the only time she was normal, or at least comfortable. “I wasn’t all over her,” I said.
“Dude,” Jonah said tipping his head forward. “You were practically undressing her with your serial killer eyes.”
I rolled my eyes leaning back. “Shut up,” I said.
Jonah leaned over elbowing me. “So how long have you been in love with this chick?” He asked, smiling still. I rolled my eyes again. I didn’t like Elisa. I wasn’t in love with her. Sure, she was pretty. That didn’t mean I wanted to date her, she had Nathan anyways.
“I don’t like her,” I said. “We’re friends.”
“I’ve never heard of her,” Jonah said.
“You don’t even know her name,” I said.
“What is it then?” Sean said.
Do I tell them? I already didn’t have a chance of hiding her anymore from them. Becky was leaning forward pressing her hands to her forehead. “She hangs out with Cass,” She said. “What’s her name… Lisa?”
“You like a Lisa?” Jonah said laughing.
I froze looking at him. “How did you know her name?” I asked.
“Becky just said it…” Jonah said laughing.
I felt stupid all of a sudden. “Eh-lisa” and “a Lisa” sounded so alike. “Elisa!” Becky said loudly. “That’s it!”
“Her name’s Elisa?” Sean asked.
“Yeah,” I said shrinking down. “But I don’t like her like that.”
“Where do you know her from?” Becky asked. “She’s like a mute.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “You guys are just going to go on saying I like her. I don’t.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “You might as well tell us,” He said. “I’m going to look for her now.”
I stared at him. “You better not,” I said. The last thing I wanted was Jonah or Sean following her around the school asking her if she liked me. She had Nathan and the last thing I wanted was for us to get awkward.
“She has a boyfriend,” I said. “I can’t like her if I wanted to.”
“Why?” Mandy said. “You liked Rainie Joseph when she had a boyfriend.”
I looked up at her. She shrunk back. I looked down. “That’s exactly why,” I said. I looked up and saw her walking downstairs again. I got up and left them. Jonah yelled after me- awkward things- but all I saw was her. I smiled and she smiled a little too tucking hair behind her ear. She was so insecure about her new hair- I could just tell.
“Sorry if you were talking to your friends,” She said softly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pointed at the door up to the backyard. “I need some air, do you want to hang out outside?”
She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear again. “Okay,” She said softly. I walked in front of her outside. There were too many smokers on the deck so I brought her over to Jonah’s hammock- back behind the shed. I remembered the last time I was ever on this. I was with Rainie. Rainie had jumped on right away but Elisa hesitated. She looked at the space right across from me and got on sitting quietly as she always did when she was out of her element. I couldn’t help it. In the dark- in the shadow with the moon shining down- in the cold- I pulled my sweatshirt over my arms more and felt warm without it- on the hammock- she looked beautiful. She looked so lost but I knew that’s what it’s like sometimes. I blinked looking down.
I couldn’t like Elisa.
But all I wanted to do was understand her. She was a mystery to me in so many ways but everything was falling out. I don’t know why but she trusts me. In five minutes I had her smiling- and laughing.
I lay down looking up at the sky. “It’s so clear out tonight.” I said.
In a minute I felt the spot next to me on the hammock get heavier. I looked over and saw her leaning back not realizing how much you can sink on this hammock. She started a few inches away from me but sank so our shoulders pressed against one another. I looked up again and her voice rose up- the voice she only used when we were alone- “Yeah, it’s so beautiful.”
I knew the only reason she was here was because you can only see the sky from this side- the trees cut to frame out the stars like a picture. I smiled a little and felt her next to me. The last thing I wanted was for everything to shift back to where it was. Where she was back with Nathan and I was back alone trying to get over Rainie.
But as of right now, I’m over Rainie. I wonder what it’s going to be like when I went back to normal for me. I looked up at the sky.
I can’t like Elisa.
My fingers were wedged between all the rings on two of Becky’s fingers. I looked down at them. “Can you try taking some of them off?” I asked. She looked down playing with her lip ring with her tongue.
“No,” She said rolling her eyes and she went back to talking to her friend Mandy. I sighed leaning my head back. I saw Bennett and normally that never concerned me. I usually didn’t give a shit about him- he gave me no reason to. I saw him on the ground in the corner talking to Rainie Joseph. She cut her hair or something but she was listening to him talk excitedly. I hadn’t seen him like that since he liked Rainie the first time. I sighed again. This was it. I was back to being his crutch again.
“What’s your problem Negative Nancy?” Mandy asked. I looked back at Becky and Mandy. They usually just talk about the most pointless things like Mandy liking this boy named Kevin and how he liked one of the girls Becky works with sometimes. I didn’t give a fuck about that shit but now I had to deal with another Rainie episode.
“Bennett’s talking to Rainie Joseph again,” I said. “He likes her… again.”
Becky looked over and she sighed too. “God,” She said. “Why the fuck does he do that to himself all the time?”
“What is he doing that’s so bad?” Mandy asked. No offense to Mandy and all- but she’s half retarded. I want to shoot her half of the time. All she does is mope and ask the most retarded questions. She’s worse than Jonah sometimes when he’s off his medication. I looked over at Bennett who was smiling and looking at Rainie as she was probably talking.
“Because,” Becky said. “She’s in love with that kid Paul Spinella and they just got back together a few weeks ago. Her and Bennett had a thing when they were broken up but Bennett dumped her and now he likes her again… it’s so fucking stupid. I mean I thought he’d learn by now…” I nodded in agreement. I looked up and saw Jonah. He jumped over the couch- I saw him midair and tumbled onto the ground lying on his side. Mandy screeched and almost everyone in the room looked over- except for Bennett and Rainie.
“What’s up?” Jonah said fixing himself upright. I crossed my legs and nodded over at Bennett drooling over that slut. Jonah whipped his head over and looked. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s Joseph again,” Becky said. “It’s happening all over again.”
He leaned back and looked at Rainie from a different angle. “Why is she wearing a Sunday Drive shirt?” Jonah asked. It was obvious. Bennett was obsessed with them- he was bound to make her a mix-CD of all Sunday Drive songs and drag her out to a show. I didn’t answer and we all looked over. Bennett caught all of us he gripped his neck and kept talking.
Jonah started to get up but Becky grabbed his arm forcing him back onto the ground. “Don’t go over there,” She hissed. “Let him get fucked over if that’s what he wants.”
Mandy looked over. “Wait isn’t that Paul Spinella?” She asked. I looked over and there was Paul with Rainie all over him. She was kissing him as she sat on a card table. Then I looked over at the Rainie Joseph look-a-like. “Holy shit,” I said. “Who is that then?”
Becky looked over. “I have no idea…” She said.
Jonah looked over again. “He’s into her,” He said. “Whoa, he looks like a serial killer smiling like that. What the hell?” I looked over and he was laughing- not laughing like he does around us- serial killer real laughing. I shook my head. “I have no idea then.”
Miles went over to them. He started talking and Bennett just listened- I think Miles was just talking to the girl. “She’s a weed-head,” Jonah said. “She’s friends with Miles.”
Mandy shook her head. “No,” She said loudly like that was so stupid. Miles used to do drugs with Jeremy- obviously if he smoked with the girl if they were friends. “Miles got clean last summer.”
“Yeah,” Jonah said. “But he was only friends with weed-heads.”
Becky looked over. “I think he’s friends with this girl Cass now.” She said. “But I’ve never seen this girl before- she goes to Kerrington probably.” I looked over and saw Bennett stand up helping the girl up too. She took his hand hesitantly but she stood up and just made it to his chest. She was tiny.
“Cass?” Mandy asked. “As in Kevin’s Cass?”
“Yup,” Becky said. Then we saw her face. “Holy shit, I know her from somewhere…”
Bennett said goodbye to the girl and she walked away with Miles. She looked eleven but he watched her walk away before coming over to us. He looked down sighing and sat down readying himself for whatever we were going to throw at him.
Bennett’s POV
I had no idea she was going to come. I thought she just said she’d try, but there she was walking away. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I looked over and saw Sean who was just looking at me with a dead stare in his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was get into Elisa. I walked over looking at them. Jonah was grinning up at me like an idiot. The last thing I wanted to do was tell them about Elisa.
I sat down and it was quiet except for Becky and her friend going on about “some bitch who was flirting with Kevin all the time now.” I looked at Sean and he didn’t sat anything.
Jonah dived in. “Whose the chick?” He asked. “That where you get your weed now?”
I looked at him confused. Elisa and drugs? “What?” I said quickly.
“Shut up,” Sean said to Jonah. I looked at Sean who shrugged. “She hangs out with Miles.” I shook my head – that was ridiculous. Elisa wasn’t like that. She said herself she never drank, that night a few weeks ago was rare. She was just upset.
“She doesn’t do drugs,” I said defensively. How could they even say that about her? She never looked like the kind of person who would ever do that crap.
“Who is she then?” Jonah asked grinning again. “You were all over her.”
My eyes widened, was I all over her? I didn’t touch her. I didn’t sit too close to her. I didn’t look at her in weird ways. We were just talking alone- that was the only time she was normal, or at least comfortable. “I wasn’t all over her,” I said.
“Dude,” Jonah said tipping his head forward. “You were practically undressing her with your serial killer eyes.”
I rolled my eyes leaning back. “Shut up,” I said.
Jonah leaned over elbowing me. “So how long have you been in love with this chick?” He asked, smiling still. I rolled my eyes again. I didn’t like Elisa. I wasn’t in love with her. Sure, she was pretty. That didn’t mean I wanted to date her, she had Nathan anyways.
“I don’t like her,” I said. “We’re friends.”
“I’ve never heard of her,” Jonah said.
“You don’t even know her name,” I said.
“What is it then?” Sean said.
Do I tell them? I already didn’t have a chance of hiding her anymore from them. Becky was leaning forward pressing her hands to her forehead. “She hangs out with Cass,” She said. “What’s her name… Lisa?”
“You like a Lisa?” Jonah said laughing.
I froze looking at him. “How did you know her name?” I asked.
“Becky just said it…” Jonah said laughing.
I felt stupid all of a sudden. “Eh-lisa” and “a Lisa” sounded so alike. “Elisa!” Becky said loudly. “That’s it!”
“Her name’s Elisa?” Sean asked.
“Yeah,” I said shrinking down. “But I don’t like her like that.”
“Where do you know her from?” Becky asked. “She’s like a mute.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “You guys are just going to go on saying I like her. I don’t.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “You might as well tell us,” He said. “I’m going to look for her now.”
I stared at him. “You better not,” I said. The last thing I wanted was Jonah or Sean following her around the school asking her if she liked me. She had Nathan and the last thing I wanted was for us to get awkward.
“She has a boyfriend,” I said. “I can’t like her if I wanted to.”
“Why?” Mandy said. “You liked Rainie Joseph when she had a boyfriend.”
I looked up at her. She shrunk back. I looked down. “That’s exactly why,” I said. I looked up and saw her walking downstairs again. I got up and left them. Jonah yelled after me- awkward things- but all I saw was her. I smiled and she smiled a little too tucking hair behind her ear. She was so insecure about her new hair- I could just tell.
“Sorry if you were talking to your friends,” She said softly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pointed at the door up to the backyard. “I need some air, do you want to hang out outside?”
She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear again. “Okay,” She said softly. I walked in front of her outside. There were too many smokers on the deck so I brought her over to Jonah’s hammock- back behind the shed. I remembered the last time I was ever on this. I was with Rainie. Rainie had jumped on right away but Elisa hesitated. She looked at the space right across from me and got on sitting quietly as she always did when she was out of her element. I couldn’t help it. In the dark- in the shadow with the moon shining down- in the cold- I pulled my sweatshirt over my arms more and felt warm without it- on the hammock- she looked beautiful. She looked so lost but I knew that’s what it’s like sometimes. I blinked looking down.
I couldn’t like Elisa.
But all I wanted to do was understand her. She was a mystery to me in so many ways but everything was falling out. I don’t know why but she trusts me. In five minutes I had her smiling- and laughing.
I lay down looking up at the sky. “It’s so clear out tonight.” I said.
In a minute I felt the spot next to me on the hammock get heavier. I looked over and saw her leaning back not realizing how much you can sink on this hammock. She started a few inches away from me but sank so our shoulders pressed against one another. I looked up again and her voice rose up- the voice she only used when we were alone- “Yeah, it’s so beautiful.”
I knew the only reason she was here was because you can only see the sky from this side- the trees cut to frame out the stars like a picture. I smiled a little and felt her next to me. The last thing I wanted was for everything to shift back to where it was. Where she was back with Nathan and I was back alone trying to get over Rainie.
But as of right now, I’m over Rainie. I wonder what it’s going to be like when I went back to normal for me. I looked up at the sky.
I can’t like Elisa.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
"tomorrow's too late" kevin devine
hi
i've been camping in my backyard/sick/over [home]worked and i'm soooooo sorry.
almost got no views yesterday :\ but i've been super away from my computer. i'm letting chapters compile and writing my story i probably won't post on fanfiction (which is coming out spendidly :) kody is hanging out with anthony on the train as we speak). i'm getting better and will hopefully post something tomorrow?
who knows. all honors classes ain't helping me much but i'm working out some endings and getting into "perfect kisses" again. miss them so much. well when they were happy. i'm going to read the original a little while i download illegal music and put huge dents in my exfavorite bands (boys like girls and jimmy robbins)'s careers.
jaseyray,
also have a juicy one-shot from sean's and or bennett's pov of when bennett's friends realized he had a thing for a certain girl. sooooo i'll post that if nothing else tomorrow if i'm not swamped with work.
i've been camping in my backyard/sick/over [home]worked and i'm soooooo sorry.
almost got no views yesterday :\ but i've been super away from my computer. i'm letting chapters compile and writing my story i probably won't post on fanfiction (which is coming out spendidly :) kody is hanging out with anthony on the train as we speak). i'm getting better and will hopefully post something tomorrow?
who knows. all honors classes ain't helping me much but i'm working out some endings and getting into "perfect kisses" again. miss them so much. well when they were happy. i'm going to read the original a little while i download illegal music and put huge dents in my exfavorite bands (boys like girls and jimmy robbins)'s careers.
jaseyray,
also have a juicy one-shot from sean's and or bennett's pov of when bennett's friends realized he had a thing for a certain girl. sooooo i'll post that if nothing else tomorrow if i'm not swamped with work.
Friday, September 4, 2009
"something that produces results" the early november
hi
i've done a little writing here and there. a ton of notes lately for "last place" but what about new stories? well, i've been avoiding "at the bottom" and i'm a little hesitant about "all we ever needed" because it's been a little rushed. i mean i skipped over a month already which is like a major "oof" moment for me. and then "perfect kisses" is still dead to me. i'm writing out some paul pov's and some bennett pov's too and then sean's. which is pretty fun. i like his pov a lot because it's really annoyed and envious and angsty like bennett's but more choppy and less cheesy. then i might try out becky's pov because she is undergoing major changes. i'll post one maybe now. if i have a good one.
jaseyray
i've done a little writing here and there. a ton of notes lately for "last place" but what about new stories? well, i've been avoiding "at the bottom" and i'm a little hesitant about "all we ever needed" because it's been a little rushed. i mean i skipped over a month already which is like a major "oof" moment for me. and then "perfect kisses" is still dead to me. i'm writing out some paul pov's and some bennett pov's too and then sean's. which is pretty fun. i like his pov a lot because it's really annoyed and envious and angsty like bennett's but more choppy and less cheesy. then i might try out becky's pov because she is undergoing major changes. i'll post one maybe now. if i have a good one.
jaseyray
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