hi
wrote a chapter for "at the bottom" but i'm letting it sit on me for a little while. don't know if i'll rewrite it again. i probably will. i've rewritten it over and over again. it's annoying me a little. i can't get it write.
i recylcle. i like turn in cans and stuff for concert ticket money and i went in today and went to 12 items or less and legit a nice boy named peter helped me and he reminded me so much of will i felt so compelled to be incredibly nice to him. i told him to have a nice day and thanked him and was trying to be a better person. he was so nice. i loved meeting a real life will.
i've never met a bennett but i see paul's out of the wazoo. i saw a couple rainie's yesterday at the mall and a jess-ee-cah at auntie annie's pretzels. but i've seen miles before too. basically i always find my characters. my image of paul completely changed and he isn't that kid i showed a pciture of a few months ago. he is so different now to me.
goodnews: i'm feeling the love. i miss rainie and paul. i'm starting to reread like crazy. i'm going to see if i'm ready to start writing for it again. but for now i'll just write cheesy lovey-dovey situations of them. :)
jaseyray
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
"gone for good" william beckett covering the shins.
hi
what do you think about my new story? it's pretty fun to write. i just rewrite rewrite rewrite and then i get her voice down and the characters right. the first letter was written over and over again like four times. this chapter's harder because i lovelovelove this character i took from my first chapter and added like fifty pounds to.
but i'm going to post some one-shots. what do you want? like a story about after high school? a what-if story? how about an after college story about bennett and elisa? circa their 20s. or do you want swapped povs? writing around the place helps me out heaps.
jaseyray
what do you think about my new story? it's pretty fun to write. i just rewrite rewrite rewrite and then i get her voice down and the characters right. the first letter was written over and over again like four times. this chapter's harder because i lovelovelove this character i took from my first chapter and added like fifty pounds to.
but i'm going to post some one-shots. what do you want? like a story about after high school? a what-if story? how about an after college story about bennett and elisa? circa their 20s. or do you want swapped povs? writing around the place helps me out heaps.
jaseyray
Friday, August 21, 2009
"in pursuing design" versaemerge
hi
CAPS LOCK ACTIVATED!!!
I love the streetlight scene but... I'm thinking about adding a little something to the story which means the streetlight scene may fall a victim to this. Personally: the streetlight scene was one of those points in the story that pushed me to keep writing to get to it. I've written and rewritten it but I am thinking this is better for a major change in this story.
WHICH MEANS I'M COMING UP WITH AN EVEN MORE N00B PWNING PART TO MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT OR MISS MENACINGLY THE STREETLIGHT SCENE BUT I WILL BE BRINGING THAT SCENE BACK A LITTLE LATER JUST NOT AS STORY DIRECTION SHATTERING. BUT BE EXCTIED. SO MANY IDEAS!!!! AHHHHH. THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE SO DIFFERENT.
Oh, wait... so you want a hint about the scene that will be replacing it? A hint? Well, um, it's already been talked about and I'll need to go back and add something to last chapter quickly but if you really want a hint... I don't know... are you ready for this? The hint is.....
Sunday Drive.
CAPS LOCK ACTIVATED!!!
I love the streetlight scene but... I'm thinking about adding a little something to the story which means the streetlight scene may fall a victim to this. Personally: the streetlight scene was one of those points in the story that pushed me to keep writing to get to it. I've written and rewritten it but I am thinking this is better for a major change in this story.
WHICH MEANS I'M COMING UP WITH AN EVEN MORE N00B PWNING PART TO MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT OR MISS MENACINGLY THE STREETLIGHT SCENE BUT I WILL BE BRINGING THAT SCENE BACK A LITTLE LATER JUST NOT AS STORY DIRECTION SHATTERING. BUT BE EXCTIED. SO MANY IDEAS!!!! AHHHHH. THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE SO DIFFERENT.
Oh, wait... so you want a hint about the scene that will be replacing it? A hint? Well, um, it's already been talked about and I'll need to go back and add something to last chapter quickly but if you really want a hint... I don't know... are you ready for this? The hint is.....
Sunday Drive.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Explanations:
Sunday Drive
I wanted to make up a band for Elisa and Bennett to be obsessed with. I owe all of my love to music to The Early November so this band is more or less the Early November in fictional form. The name is from my favorite Early November song and it's the first song I ever identified Bennett with. But later my image of Sunday Drive turned into the band Brand New. The songs I describe are basically my opinions on my favorite Brand New songs although the life and death of the fictional band Sunday Drive is parallel if not exactly the same as the life and death of The Early November when it comes to years and where I pinpoint events in my stories.
IHOP
A bounce off of Sarah Dessen and her Waffle House that later turned into something I could directly link to my main inspiration for these stories AKA a certain album from a certain favorite band of mine. Plus my love for their chocolate chip pancakes and my boredom with strawberries and whipped cream.
Bennett Williams
To be honest I'm changing his last name if I can or his name completely. Why? Because it lines up to exactly with my main inspiration for his character. One of the reasons these stories are changing a lot is because I relied to much on my inspiration for a plot so I'm changing so much in these stories as they have grown to much as original stories to be purly "fan-fiction" pieces and rip-offs on real life. But the acoustic project is too main of a part for me to surrender and the song-writing also of Bennett cannot be taken out.
Jonah's Engery Shot Abuse
To annoy my mother at Office Max I read all the details of one of those "five hour energy shots" outloud to her and was actually interested in them. As you can see my original intention of Jonah was just to be a friend and for Sean to be more of a part BUT as I started concieving the idea of one day taking twenty-four hours worths of five hour energy shots I decided to add them ot his character making him much more flambouyant and Jonah-esque and suprisingly everyone loves him and I do as well.
Kerrington in a Whole
I was listening to "Fast Times at Barrington High" by the Academy Is... for the first time and came up with the scene I remember posting of a punk-rocker and a personality-less girl liking him and having a boyfriend. Rainie and Paul came to be out of nowhere. The night under the streetlight was when I first came up with Rainie as the pretty ex-girlfriend whose in love. That's when Paul and Rainie caught my attention. But the two high school thing was a real-life thing I stole and added to it.
Carol's Coffeeshop
I'm fascinated by coffee-shops. I love them. I wish I could drink coffee. Having Elisa work there was natural and the jelly donuts were just something I had on my mind because I used to love the Dunkin Donuts jelly donuts.
I wanted to make up a band for Elisa and Bennett to be obsessed with. I owe all of my love to music to The Early November so this band is more or less the Early November in fictional form. The name is from my favorite Early November song and it's the first song I ever identified Bennett with. But later my image of Sunday Drive turned into the band Brand New. The songs I describe are basically my opinions on my favorite Brand New songs although the life and death of the fictional band Sunday Drive is parallel if not exactly the same as the life and death of The Early November when it comes to years and where I pinpoint events in my stories.
IHOP
A bounce off of Sarah Dessen and her Waffle House that later turned into something I could directly link to my main inspiration for these stories AKA a certain album from a certain favorite band of mine. Plus my love for their chocolate chip pancakes and my boredom with strawberries and whipped cream.
Bennett Williams
To be honest I'm changing his last name if I can or his name completely. Why? Because it lines up to exactly with my main inspiration for his character. One of the reasons these stories are changing a lot is because I relied to much on my inspiration for a plot so I'm changing so much in these stories as they have grown to much as original stories to be purly "fan-fiction" pieces and rip-offs on real life. But the acoustic project is too main of a part for me to surrender and the song-writing also of Bennett cannot be taken out.
Jonah's Engery Shot Abuse
To annoy my mother at Office Max I read all the details of one of those "five hour energy shots" outloud to her and was actually interested in them. As you can see my original intention of Jonah was just to be a friend and for Sean to be more of a part BUT as I started concieving the idea of one day taking twenty-four hours worths of five hour energy shots I decided to add them ot his character making him much more flambouyant and Jonah-esque and suprisingly everyone loves him and I do as well.
Kerrington in a Whole
I was listening to "Fast Times at Barrington High" by the Academy Is... for the first time and came up with the scene I remember posting of a punk-rocker and a personality-less girl liking him and having a boyfriend. Rainie and Paul came to be out of nowhere. The night under the streetlight was when I first came up with Rainie as the pretty ex-girlfriend whose in love. That's when Paul and Rainie caught my attention. But the two high school thing was a real-life thing I stole and added to it.
Carol's Coffeeshop
I'm fascinated by coffee-shops. I love them. I wish I could drink coffee. Having Elisa work there was natural and the jelly donuts were just something I had on my mind because I used to love the Dunkin Donuts jelly donuts.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
"his girl friday" the academy is...
hi
it's been almost a year exactly since i officially concieved the idea of "last place."
so much is gonna change. it will tear your head off in this rewrite.
just finished chapter 4 and it's it's gonna blow you up! are you ready for it?
jaseyray
what do yah think of chapter 3?
it's been almost a year exactly since i officially concieved the idea of "last place."
so much is gonna change. it will tear your head off in this rewrite.
just finished chapter 4 and it's it's gonna blow you up! are you ready for it?
jaseyray
what do yah think of chapter 3?
Monday, August 17, 2009
setting: halloween -- pov: bennett's
Jonah turned and dropped his head onto my lap. “This movie’s lame,” He moaned. “Plus it’s Halloween I want candy.” He’s been saying this all night. I shoved his head off of my lap.
“Get off,” I mumbled.
Becky threw something hard at Jonah but it hit me- yes- in the face. I gripped my face. At Jonah’s instant loud laughing Sean turned on a light. “You okay?” He asked me between a stifled laugh.
“I’m sorry!” Becky said loudly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pulled my hand away but suddenly Jonah got up. He wore a cape over for no reason. It was retarded looking but our constant making fun of it never stopped him. He just let it sly in the wind behind him as he went into the hall. I figured he was going to look for something to eat but no. I heard the pine cones- all of which are scented and smell like cinnamon- get dumped into a bowl and he came out with the picnic basket my mother once had full of pinecones three seconds ago.
“Anyone want to go trick-or-treating?” He asked.
Sean started cracking up. “You look like a tool,” He said.
“I’m starving,” Jonah said. “I’m out of here.”
Sean got up. “I’ll go,” He said. Becky was watching the movie carefully. All of her attention was into it. I didn’t like this movie that much but the last thing I wanted was to look like an idiot. “What can I use as a bag?”
“The pillow-zipper-thing-case,” Jonah said. I couldn’t stop them. I’d explain to my mom that they were crazy. They were so she wouldn’t care. I’d just put it back. I looked back at them. “If someone doesn’t answer stay away from the windows and don’t get into anyone’s cars when they offer free candy.”
Jonah laughed and they were gone. I sat back and watched the movie. Becky looked out the window. “How long do you think it is before the police bring them back?” She asked looking back at ‘Halloween.’
I sighed looking at the clock. “Nine sharp,” I said. “We’ll hear from them saying they were arrested.” She sighed in agreement and we went back to watching the movie. I didn’t watch the clock but at nine exactly nobody called. That was forty five minutes after they left. At nine-fifteen the movie ended and Becky shifted looking out the window. “Should we call them?”
I hesitated. “Maybe,” I said.
She took out her phone and sighed. “You have no reception whatsoever,” She sighed. “This is why I hate your house. Everything else is nice except for the fact it’s a plain out dead zone.”
I got up walking over to my house phone and dialed Jonah’s cell. There were a few rings. Long enough for him to dance to whatever Saves the Day ringtone he has this week. “Hey, guess whose house I’m at?”
I sighed. “Hi,” I said. Becky got up moving to the couch sitting backwards listening. She rested her head on her hands and waited. “I don’t know. Are you coming back soon? The movie just ended.”
“No, no,” He said. “Really, guess who?”
I wasn’t in the mood for this. “I don’t know,” I said.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Jonah said quickly. The energy tablets were hitting him, I could tell. “Her name starts with a vowel and ends in another name that starts with a consonant.”
I froze. “What?” Becky asked. My eyes were wide and my spine stiffened completely.
“No.” I said clenching my jaw. “Jonah, what are you doing there?”
“Doing where?” I heard him laugh.
I sighed heavily and rubbed my left eye pressing the phone to my ear. “Where are they?” Becky asked.
“Fine, fine,” Jonah said. “I’ll tell you, we’re at Elisa’s house.”
I covered my mouth and tried to calm down. When Jonah was on those tablets he said everything very quickly and very detailed. She probably wasn’t there. “So here’s the thing,” Jonah said quickly. “We were going by and she answered and we went in- she invited us in- and we were talking, you know, like normal human beings about Halloween and stuff and she actually had no plans, and since you know, we all know each other and you guys are… you know… friends, I said what the hell, you know, if you’re not busy Elisa, come over to Bennett’s and she’s just like ‘I don’t know, I should just stay here, take all my candy’ and I was like look, Elisa, you’ve given us all your candy and you’re all here by yourself and you’re not going out and getting drunk or dressing up as some whore-y-animal, why don’t you just do the same thing you’re doing here, at Bennett’s house. She’s like completely not convinced its okay, so… here you talk to her.”
Jonah said that in ten seconds.
I closed my eyes and Becky was listening like it was the most interesting show in the world. I heard the phone get covered and waited. “Hello?” Her voice was confused but the same I always pictured it. I turned my back to Becky so she didn’t see me smile a little. My palms got clammy and I felt my stomach tied into a knot.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m sorry about them, if they’re being annoying or bothering you or whatever.”
“It’s okay,” She said. She was so unsure and quiet. I didn’t know this side of her too well anymore. I met this Elisa. This wasn’t the one I was used to, but in front of other people this is who she acted like.
“Are you meeting up with Nathan later?” I asked. She probably just didn’t want to talk about Nathan to Jonah and Sean. I’d assume they had plans.
“No,” She said. “But you don’t have to feel obligated-”
“You should come over,” I said. I meant it. I felt bad. Nathan was such a dick- the least he could do was sit with Elisa on the couch or something. I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend and I knew you were supposed to do that. “We’re just hanging out and watching movies- nothing big, but if you’re not going out later you should come. I want you to.”
She was quiet as she considered this. “Are you sure?” She asked.
There was a loud: “YES” in the background from Jonah.
I smiled. “Yeah,” I said. “Completely one hundred and seven percent, but I’ll apologize in advance for my crazy friends.”
“Okay,” She said. “I’ll come over then.”
“Hey, can I say something to Jonah really quickly?” I said.
“Sure,” She said. She passed the phone to him.
“So she’s in? Cool-”
“If you,” I said slowly and softly so I wasn’t too loud that she’d hear it. “Mention anything about anything you and Sean make up I will kick your ass and murder you in your sleep when you pass out on my couch in three hours. I’m not in love with her or pining for her. You will not say I am. You’re going to walk silently to my house and you’re not going to say anything to her or you are fucked.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” He said. “No secret-spilling, got it.” He hung up and I put my phone down.
“That was the girl, right?” Becky asked.
“What?” I turned around.
She rolled her eyes. “The one the guys are teasing you relentlessly about.” She said. “The one you’re basically obsessed with.”
I paused. “I’m not obsessed with her,” I said.
“You’re insanely nice to her,” She said. “I’ve heard that and been a witness to it, and who is this Nathan guy?”
I inhaled. “Her boyfriend,” I said.
“Nathan Pratt?” She asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why?”
“She’s small,” She said. “Half your size and wears band t-shirts all the time and is insanely shy and quiet?”
I nodded. “Once you get to know her,” I said. “She’s not that quiet.”
She nodded thinking about it. “Now that I think about it… she is like exactly your type. Miles away from Rainie Joseph at least, which is a good thing since I heard her and Spinella are in love forever.”
I nodded.
She got up. “I need to smoke.”
I stood there in my empty house for now. I soon heard them talking and went over and sat on my couch. “Hey Bennett!” Jonah called coming inside. “Guess what? I got you a ton of Reese’s and guess who else really likes them? Eh-lisa…”
I looked over and saw her. She looked so uncomfortable and misplaced but she looked at me and smiled a little waving. “Hey,” I smiled instantly. Jonah chuck a Reese’s at my head. “Cool,” I said to him. He snickered and plopped down on the ground. Sean and Becky came in.
I got up. “What movie?” I asked.
“‘Friday the 13th,’” Sean said.
“No,” Jonah said. “I need some Tim Burton.”
I went over to the DVDs we had. “I have ‘Friday The 13th,’ ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas,’ ‘Edward Scissorhands,’ and…” I looked at Sean snickering. “‘The Little Mermaid.’”
He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean to bring it.” He said sitting down and pulling Becky onto the same chair as him. Elisa sat down uncomfortably on my couch looking around still.
“Put on the 13th movie,” Jonah said. “Never seen it…”
I did. I set everything up and listened to Jonah start awkward awful conversation with Elisa about the movie. She’s seen it before but not for a while. I came over and sat down. Jonah was sorting through his stash. The lights went off and every few pieces from his picnic basket he tossed a Reese’s back onto the couch between me and Elisa.
Elisa and I. Us. I looked over at her quickly. She didn’t have any make-up on but didn’t seem worried about it. She looked really pretty. I picked up a Reese’s and un-wrapped it taking a bite. She liked Reese’s too. She was my soul-mate there was no doubt in my mind.
Eventually her hand crept over picking up an orange wrapped candy and she ate one too. I swear our fingers brushed at one point. It was the single most thrilling part of watching this movie. It made my heart speed and my palms clam up again. I felt bad for not paying attention to the movie. I just paid attention to her- her movements and her eyes reflecting the image. I liked knowing she was three feet away from me. I was being creepy in the least creepy way. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I just wanted to start talking to her.
Jonah kept throwing things at Sean and Becky when they started to make out. But I just kept watching the movie with Elisa, at least when I paid attention to the movie I knew we wee probably thinking the same things about it.
“I have to pee,” Jonah got up.
“Thanks, for sharing,” Becky said. Her lips were pink from kissing Sean and Sean was just sitting there. He made a face at me. I got another Reese’s and Becky got up to smoke. Sean went with her. Leaving me alone with Elisa, I pulled my feet up onto the couch.
She looked over at the door as it closed behind Sean and Becky. Then she looked at me. “I’m sorry if you just invited me here because you felt bad,” This was the Elisa I knew.
“I didn’t,” I said.
“Nathan was going to come over but he ditched me,” She said. “I was just sitting at home and they invited me and I was saying no when you called.”
I paused. “Nathan ditched you?” I asked. That was the worst part of all of this for her probably. Her boyfriend ditched her and she feels like she got a pity invite.
She nodded. “He said he was going to come over but he never showed up,” She said.
“I want you here,” I said. “I like having one sane friend.”
She smiled a little. “They didn’t do anything bad,” She said. “They just came in when I invited them and I gave them all of the candy we had left.”
I smiled. “Are all these Reese’s from your house?” I asked.
She blushed a little- I’ll say it again- I love it when she blushes. “I buy all the candy so I got some extra,” She said. “They’re my favorite and I usually get sick of everything else and I usually end up eating it all and gaining ten pounds.”
I shook my head. “I’m hesitant to inform you,” I shifted. “That not only are you my musical soul mate but my Halloween one as well. Everyone gives me crap about my taste in candy. I’ve always been a Reese’s person.”
“Me too,” She said taking off her moccasins and pulling her feet onto the couch. “Cass is a Skittles person and hates chocolate so I always got tons of Reese’s when we were younger and when trick-or-treating.”
I heard Jonah pass the hall going out front with Sean and Becky. I liked this. They’d be out there for twenty more minutes. Sean and Jonah were chain smokers. I was suddenly excited. I could talk to her for twenty minutes.
We talked about bad Halloween experiences. We both had the same experience when we were two of being dressed up as a teddy bear. I told my story about my Halloween as a happy clown that cried a street straight because I had to go out with my neighbors and leave my mom home alone to give out candy. That year I went home and helped her give out candy. Elisa told me about when she was six and her sister helped her put on scary Goth-like make-up and went from being a bride to a monster bride in five minutes. She went out and nobody knew who she was because she had always been so quiet and here she was going up to houses and growling at people or hissing at them.
When everyone came in I felt like I couldn’t stop talking to her. Sean put on ‘Edward Scissorhands’ but I kept making eye-contact with Elisa. Right before he shut the light off. “I don’t really feel like watching this,” I said.
Jonah smacked my thigh. “That’s fifteen lashes- you never say that once you put on a Tim Burton movie.” He said.
“Me either,” Elisa said softly.
I looked at her. “Come on,” I said. I got up and she did too. We made it to the hall when Jonah dropped down on the ground and stuck his head out in our direction.
“Hey, Elisa,” He said pointing at her. She looked. “Be safe…”
She blushed a little catching what he meant but I just gave him a look and he cracked up. I went upstairs and she followed me. I was happy fro the first time in my life my mother made me clean my room to the point it was spotless. I felt less weird bringing her upstairs.
I sat down on the ground against my bed and she sat down a good four feet across from me and we picked up where we left off. I didn’t have music on but I didn’t need to, this was enough. Just sitting here talking to her.
Once we hit the subject of music, we weren’t stopping.
“You’ve never heard ‘Lisa’s Birthday Tape’?” I asked.
She laughed a little. “No,” She said. She was smiling a lot now and laughing. I loved her laugh.
I sighed letting my shoulder drop. “You’re kidding…” She shook her head smiling. I got up and went through the small shoebox of tapes I had. They were all labeled until I found the one from Jonah that just said ‘I love you’ on it and a heart as a joke. I put it in and pressed play. When I turned around she had moved so she was sitting on the ground against my bed and I walked over sitting a half a foot away from her. She waited and smiled when it started.
“Wow,” She said when the first song ended. “This is so… different from Saves the Day.”
“I know,” I said looking at her. She was staring ahead but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Knew she felt me looking at her. She looked at me and smiled a little more. “I really like this,” She said.
I smiled. “I’m glad you do,” I said. “I’ll burn you a copy.”
She smiled. “Okay,” Her voice was softer. I felt the Earth shift. Did she feel it? Did she feel my stomach going crazy and my heart pick up speed? Or was she feeling it on her own? I wanted her to be mine. I hated Nathan. I doubt he felt this way about her every time he talked to her. She loved him. I was just her friend. But I wanted to kiss her so bad.
She blinked and her smile faded. She just looked at me. Her eyes that change colors were green now and big and deep. I fell into them and forgot the world around me. I started to lean in. I couldn’t stop myself. She didn’t pull away she just stayed where she was and closed her eyes a little.
“Bennett?” It was Sean. Reality checks came at the worst times. “You guys still alive?”
I got up and went out opening the door and stood at the stairs. “Yeah?”
“Becky’s dad is pissed right now,” He said. “And Jonah passed out like three minutes ago so we’re going to go.”
“Oh,” I said. “Um, okay.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
I looked back at Elisa who was looking around my room. I had been this close to kissing her. She was going to let me. I felt awful and disappointed at the same time. She had a boyfriend. “I have work,” I said. “But I can hang out after.”
“Cool,” He said. “Is Elisa still here?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Did you…” He made out with the air in front of him. His tongue was out and flailing around like crazy. He even rubbed his air girl’s back. I was grossed out by this.
“No,” I said defensively.
“…show her the new EP you showed me last night?” He said
“Um, no,” I said.
“You should man,” He said. “She would really like it.” He was smirking because I knew he meant it in a different way. I rolled my eyes. “See you tomorrow then.”
“Yep,” Sean walked away. I watched him drag out a half-unconcious Jonah and Becky said goodbye and they shut the door. I turned back and saw Elisa at my CDs reading through them.
Maybe tonight meant I had hope. I didn’t have to worry so much about if I was showing her I liked her or if I was acting like I did. Maybe in a small way she could like me back. But she loved Nathan. It was like Rainie all over again except I was sure Nathan wasn’t right for Elisa. She deserved so much better than anyone could give her.
“Get off,” I mumbled.
Becky threw something hard at Jonah but it hit me- yes- in the face. I gripped my face. At Jonah’s instant loud laughing Sean turned on a light. “You okay?” He asked me between a stifled laugh.
“I’m sorry!” Becky said loudly.
“It’s okay,” I said. I pulled my hand away but suddenly Jonah got up. He wore a cape over for no reason. It was retarded looking but our constant making fun of it never stopped him. He just let it sly in the wind behind him as he went into the hall. I figured he was going to look for something to eat but no. I heard the pine cones- all of which are scented and smell like cinnamon- get dumped into a bowl and he came out with the picnic basket my mother once had full of pinecones three seconds ago.
“Anyone want to go trick-or-treating?” He asked.
Sean started cracking up. “You look like a tool,” He said.
“I’m starving,” Jonah said. “I’m out of here.”
Sean got up. “I’ll go,” He said. Becky was watching the movie carefully. All of her attention was into it. I didn’t like this movie that much but the last thing I wanted was to look like an idiot. “What can I use as a bag?”
“The pillow-zipper-thing-case,” Jonah said. I couldn’t stop them. I’d explain to my mom that they were crazy. They were so she wouldn’t care. I’d just put it back. I looked back at them. “If someone doesn’t answer stay away from the windows and don’t get into anyone’s cars when they offer free candy.”
Jonah laughed and they were gone. I sat back and watched the movie. Becky looked out the window. “How long do you think it is before the police bring them back?” She asked looking back at ‘Halloween.’
I sighed looking at the clock. “Nine sharp,” I said. “We’ll hear from them saying they were arrested.” She sighed in agreement and we went back to watching the movie. I didn’t watch the clock but at nine exactly nobody called. That was forty five minutes after they left. At nine-fifteen the movie ended and Becky shifted looking out the window. “Should we call them?”
I hesitated. “Maybe,” I said.
She took out her phone and sighed. “You have no reception whatsoever,” She sighed. “This is why I hate your house. Everything else is nice except for the fact it’s a plain out dead zone.”
I got up walking over to my house phone and dialed Jonah’s cell. There were a few rings. Long enough for him to dance to whatever Saves the Day ringtone he has this week. “Hey, guess whose house I’m at?”
I sighed. “Hi,” I said. Becky got up moving to the couch sitting backwards listening. She rested her head on her hands and waited. “I don’t know. Are you coming back soon? The movie just ended.”
“No, no,” He said. “Really, guess who?”
I wasn’t in the mood for this. “I don’t know,” I said.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Jonah said quickly. The energy tablets were hitting him, I could tell. “Her name starts with a vowel and ends in another name that starts with a consonant.”
I froze. “What?” Becky asked. My eyes were wide and my spine stiffened completely.
“No.” I said clenching my jaw. “Jonah, what are you doing there?”
“Doing where?” I heard him laugh.
I sighed heavily and rubbed my left eye pressing the phone to my ear. “Where are they?” Becky asked.
“Fine, fine,” Jonah said. “I’ll tell you, we’re at Elisa’s house.”
I covered my mouth and tried to calm down. When Jonah was on those tablets he said everything very quickly and very detailed. She probably wasn’t there. “So here’s the thing,” Jonah said quickly. “We were going by and she answered and we went in- she invited us in- and we were talking, you know, like normal human beings about Halloween and stuff and she actually had no plans, and since you know, we all know each other and you guys are… you know… friends, I said what the hell, you know, if you’re not busy Elisa, come over to Bennett’s and she’s just like ‘I don’t know, I should just stay here, take all my candy’ and I was like look, Elisa, you’ve given us all your candy and you’re all here by yourself and you’re not going out and getting drunk or dressing up as some whore-y-animal, why don’t you just do the same thing you’re doing here, at Bennett’s house. She’s like completely not convinced its okay, so… here you talk to her.”
Jonah said that in ten seconds.
I closed my eyes and Becky was listening like it was the most interesting show in the world. I heard the phone get covered and waited. “Hello?” Her voice was confused but the same I always pictured it. I turned my back to Becky so she didn’t see me smile a little. My palms got clammy and I felt my stomach tied into a knot.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m sorry about them, if they’re being annoying or bothering you or whatever.”
“It’s okay,” She said. She was so unsure and quiet. I didn’t know this side of her too well anymore. I met this Elisa. This wasn’t the one I was used to, but in front of other people this is who she acted like.
“Are you meeting up with Nathan later?” I asked. She probably just didn’t want to talk about Nathan to Jonah and Sean. I’d assume they had plans.
“No,” She said. “But you don’t have to feel obligated-”
“You should come over,” I said. I meant it. I felt bad. Nathan was such a dick- the least he could do was sit with Elisa on the couch or something. I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend and I knew you were supposed to do that. “We’re just hanging out and watching movies- nothing big, but if you’re not going out later you should come. I want you to.”
She was quiet as she considered this. “Are you sure?” She asked.
There was a loud: “YES” in the background from Jonah.
I smiled. “Yeah,” I said. “Completely one hundred and seven percent, but I’ll apologize in advance for my crazy friends.”
“Okay,” She said. “I’ll come over then.”
“Hey, can I say something to Jonah really quickly?” I said.
“Sure,” She said. She passed the phone to him.
“So she’s in? Cool-”
“If you,” I said slowly and softly so I wasn’t too loud that she’d hear it. “Mention anything about anything you and Sean make up I will kick your ass and murder you in your sleep when you pass out on my couch in three hours. I’m not in love with her or pining for her. You will not say I am. You’re going to walk silently to my house and you’re not going to say anything to her or you are fucked.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” He said. “No secret-spilling, got it.” He hung up and I put my phone down.
“That was the girl, right?” Becky asked.
“What?” I turned around.
She rolled her eyes. “The one the guys are teasing you relentlessly about.” She said. “The one you’re basically obsessed with.”
I paused. “I’m not obsessed with her,” I said.
“You’re insanely nice to her,” She said. “I’ve heard that and been a witness to it, and who is this Nathan guy?”
I inhaled. “Her boyfriend,” I said.
“Nathan Pratt?” She asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why?”
“She’s small,” She said. “Half your size and wears band t-shirts all the time and is insanely shy and quiet?”
I nodded. “Once you get to know her,” I said. “She’s not that quiet.”
She nodded thinking about it. “Now that I think about it… she is like exactly your type. Miles away from Rainie Joseph at least, which is a good thing since I heard her and Spinella are in love forever.”
I nodded.
She got up. “I need to smoke.”
I stood there in my empty house for now. I soon heard them talking and went over and sat on my couch. “Hey Bennett!” Jonah called coming inside. “Guess what? I got you a ton of Reese’s and guess who else really likes them? Eh-lisa…”
I looked over and saw her. She looked so uncomfortable and misplaced but she looked at me and smiled a little waving. “Hey,” I smiled instantly. Jonah chuck a Reese’s at my head. “Cool,” I said to him. He snickered and plopped down on the ground. Sean and Becky came in.
I got up. “What movie?” I asked.
“‘Friday the 13th,’” Sean said.
“No,” Jonah said. “I need some Tim Burton.”
I went over to the DVDs we had. “I have ‘Friday The 13th,’ ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas,’ ‘Edward Scissorhands,’ and…” I looked at Sean snickering. “‘The Little Mermaid.’”
He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean to bring it.” He said sitting down and pulling Becky onto the same chair as him. Elisa sat down uncomfortably on my couch looking around still.
“Put on the 13th movie,” Jonah said. “Never seen it…”
I did. I set everything up and listened to Jonah start awkward awful conversation with Elisa about the movie. She’s seen it before but not for a while. I came over and sat down. Jonah was sorting through his stash. The lights went off and every few pieces from his picnic basket he tossed a Reese’s back onto the couch between me and Elisa.
Elisa and I. Us. I looked over at her quickly. She didn’t have any make-up on but didn’t seem worried about it. She looked really pretty. I picked up a Reese’s and un-wrapped it taking a bite. She liked Reese’s too. She was my soul-mate there was no doubt in my mind.
Eventually her hand crept over picking up an orange wrapped candy and she ate one too. I swear our fingers brushed at one point. It was the single most thrilling part of watching this movie. It made my heart speed and my palms clam up again. I felt bad for not paying attention to the movie. I just paid attention to her- her movements and her eyes reflecting the image. I liked knowing she was three feet away from me. I was being creepy in the least creepy way. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I just wanted to start talking to her.
Jonah kept throwing things at Sean and Becky when they started to make out. But I just kept watching the movie with Elisa, at least when I paid attention to the movie I knew we wee probably thinking the same things about it.
“I have to pee,” Jonah got up.
“Thanks, for sharing,” Becky said. Her lips were pink from kissing Sean and Sean was just sitting there. He made a face at me. I got another Reese’s and Becky got up to smoke. Sean went with her. Leaving me alone with Elisa, I pulled my feet up onto the couch.
She looked over at the door as it closed behind Sean and Becky. Then she looked at me. “I’m sorry if you just invited me here because you felt bad,” This was the Elisa I knew.
“I didn’t,” I said.
“Nathan was going to come over but he ditched me,” She said. “I was just sitting at home and they invited me and I was saying no when you called.”
I paused. “Nathan ditched you?” I asked. That was the worst part of all of this for her probably. Her boyfriend ditched her and she feels like she got a pity invite.
She nodded. “He said he was going to come over but he never showed up,” She said.
“I want you here,” I said. “I like having one sane friend.”
She smiled a little. “They didn’t do anything bad,” She said. “They just came in when I invited them and I gave them all of the candy we had left.”
I smiled. “Are all these Reese’s from your house?” I asked.
She blushed a little- I’ll say it again- I love it when she blushes. “I buy all the candy so I got some extra,” She said. “They’re my favorite and I usually get sick of everything else and I usually end up eating it all and gaining ten pounds.”
I shook my head. “I’m hesitant to inform you,” I shifted. “That not only are you my musical soul mate but my Halloween one as well. Everyone gives me crap about my taste in candy. I’ve always been a Reese’s person.”
“Me too,” She said taking off her moccasins and pulling her feet onto the couch. “Cass is a Skittles person and hates chocolate so I always got tons of Reese’s when we were younger and when trick-or-treating.”
I heard Jonah pass the hall going out front with Sean and Becky. I liked this. They’d be out there for twenty more minutes. Sean and Jonah were chain smokers. I was suddenly excited. I could talk to her for twenty minutes.
We talked about bad Halloween experiences. We both had the same experience when we were two of being dressed up as a teddy bear. I told my story about my Halloween as a happy clown that cried a street straight because I had to go out with my neighbors and leave my mom home alone to give out candy. That year I went home and helped her give out candy. Elisa told me about when she was six and her sister helped her put on scary Goth-like make-up and went from being a bride to a monster bride in five minutes. She went out and nobody knew who she was because she had always been so quiet and here she was going up to houses and growling at people or hissing at them.
When everyone came in I felt like I couldn’t stop talking to her. Sean put on ‘Edward Scissorhands’ but I kept making eye-contact with Elisa. Right before he shut the light off. “I don’t really feel like watching this,” I said.
Jonah smacked my thigh. “That’s fifteen lashes- you never say that once you put on a Tim Burton movie.” He said.
“Me either,” Elisa said softly.
I looked at her. “Come on,” I said. I got up and she did too. We made it to the hall when Jonah dropped down on the ground and stuck his head out in our direction.
“Hey, Elisa,” He said pointing at her. She looked. “Be safe…”
She blushed a little catching what he meant but I just gave him a look and he cracked up. I went upstairs and she followed me. I was happy fro the first time in my life my mother made me clean my room to the point it was spotless. I felt less weird bringing her upstairs.
I sat down on the ground against my bed and she sat down a good four feet across from me and we picked up where we left off. I didn’t have music on but I didn’t need to, this was enough. Just sitting here talking to her.
Once we hit the subject of music, we weren’t stopping.
“You’ve never heard ‘Lisa’s Birthday Tape’?” I asked.
She laughed a little. “No,” She said. She was smiling a lot now and laughing. I loved her laugh.
I sighed letting my shoulder drop. “You’re kidding…” She shook her head smiling. I got up and went through the small shoebox of tapes I had. They were all labeled until I found the one from Jonah that just said ‘I love you’ on it and a heart as a joke. I put it in and pressed play. When I turned around she had moved so she was sitting on the ground against my bed and I walked over sitting a half a foot away from her. She waited and smiled when it started.
“Wow,” She said when the first song ended. “This is so… different from Saves the Day.”
“I know,” I said looking at her. She was staring ahead but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Knew she felt me looking at her. She looked at me and smiled a little more. “I really like this,” She said.
I smiled. “I’m glad you do,” I said. “I’ll burn you a copy.”
She smiled. “Okay,” Her voice was softer. I felt the Earth shift. Did she feel it? Did she feel my stomach going crazy and my heart pick up speed? Or was she feeling it on her own? I wanted her to be mine. I hated Nathan. I doubt he felt this way about her every time he talked to her. She loved him. I was just her friend. But I wanted to kiss her so bad.
She blinked and her smile faded. She just looked at me. Her eyes that change colors were green now and big and deep. I fell into them and forgot the world around me. I started to lean in. I couldn’t stop myself. She didn’t pull away she just stayed where she was and closed her eyes a little.
“Bennett?” It was Sean. Reality checks came at the worst times. “You guys still alive?”
I got up and went out opening the door and stood at the stairs. “Yeah?”
“Becky’s dad is pissed right now,” He said. “And Jonah passed out like three minutes ago so we’re going to go.”
“Oh,” I said. “Um, okay.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
I looked back at Elisa who was looking around my room. I had been this close to kissing her. She was going to let me. I felt awful and disappointed at the same time. She had a boyfriend. “I have work,” I said. “But I can hang out after.”
“Cool,” He said. “Is Elisa still here?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Did you…” He made out with the air in front of him. His tongue was out and flailing around like crazy. He even rubbed his air girl’s back. I was grossed out by this.
“No,” I said defensively.
“…show her the new EP you showed me last night?” He said
“Um, no,” I said.
“You should man,” He said. “She would really like it.” He was smirking because I knew he meant it in a different way. I rolled my eyes. “See you tomorrow then.”
“Yep,” Sean walked away. I watched him drag out a half-unconcious Jonah and Becky said goodbye and they shut the door. I turned back and saw Elisa at my CDs reading through them.
Maybe tonight meant I had hope. I didn’t have to worry so much about if I was showing her I liked her or if I was acting like I did. Maybe in a small way she could like me back. But she loved Nathan. It was like Rainie all over again except I was sure Nathan wasn’t right for Elisa. She deserved so much better than anyone could give her.
"crimson red" holiday parade
hi
writing bennett povs to inspire me some more. they're mostly just him and paul talking or him and rainie and paul talking about elise. it's pretty cheesy and weird. but i've been painting up a storm.
i did a sick sketch and what not on a canvas and started painting it like two hours ago. i stopped a lot but i was wondering if you wanted me to start posting some bennett povs? or that halloween part i mentioned before?
jaseyray
writing bennett povs to inspire me some more. they're mostly just him and paul talking or him and rainie and paul talking about elise. it's pretty cheesy and weird. but i've been painting up a storm.
i did a sick sketch and what not on a canvas and started painting it like two hours ago. i stopped a lot but i was wondering if you wanted me to start posting some bennett povs? or that halloween part i mentioned before?
jaseyray
Sunday, August 16, 2009
"roll with it" oasis
hi
i've never been so uninspired to write a piece than i am with "perfect kisses" i hate thinking about it. i just am blocking it completely. i'm writing a lot lately but "perfect kisses" annoys me so much.
jaseyray
pointless post i know. what do you think of "last place" are you ready for the next chapter yet?
i've never been so uninspired to write a piece than i am with "perfect kisses" i hate thinking about it. i just am blocking it completely. i'm writing a lot lately but "perfect kisses" annoys me so much.
jaseyray
pointless post i know. what do you think of "last place" are you ready for the next chapter yet?
Saturday, August 15, 2009
"fox on the run" the academy is...
hi
saw a real-life will-esque person walking itno a shaws tying an apron. i got really excited because he legit worked there and was so much like my image of will in "all we ever needed"
AHH
**also** new story is up. it's going to kick major ass. i love it. i'm obsessed with the characters so far. i hope you like it.
jaseyray
saw a real-life will-esque person walking itno a shaws tying an apron. i got really excited because he legit worked there and was so much like my image of will in "all we ever needed"
AHH
**also** new story is up. it's going to kick major ass. i love it. i'm obsessed with the characters so far. i hope you like it.
jaseyray
Thursday, August 13, 2009
"this is not an exit" saves the day
hi
so i got one of them ost honest meaningful reviews in my lifetime as a fanfiction.net writer. i love it so much. it wasn't a corny one it was a get-off-your-ass-and-write-us-new-stuff-to-read-you-are-going-to-end-up-like-the-tool-shits-that-rewrite-their-stories-a-hundred-times.
so you're probably all expecting me to post a cheesy love story about jonah. it was suggested but no. i have a better idea. i'm taking all my stories that are going nowhere off of the air. what stories? "leaving through the window" is coming down for now. but "all we ever needed" has potential. i'm diving into that soon too. but here is where you sigh and say... not again.
i'm not saying a word. it will remain a secret. A SECRET. ajsdfkljdksdkfjsdfjklklsdfjsdjkljklsdfjklsdfjkfsdjklsdfjklsdf i love it. so much. be excited.
jaseyray
***Edit: I've officially logged off of FanFiction for now. Bebacksoon. Getting into character.
so i got one of them ost honest meaningful reviews in my lifetime as a fanfiction.net writer. i love it so much. it wasn't a corny one it was a get-off-your-ass-and-write-us-new-stuff-to-read-you-are-going-to-end-up-like-the-tool-shits-that-rewrite-their-stories-a-hundred-times.
so you're probably all expecting me to post a cheesy love story about jonah. it was suggested but no. i have a better idea. i'm taking all my stories that are going nowhere off of the air. what stories? "leaving through the window" is coming down for now. but "all we ever needed" has potential. i'm diving into that soon too. but here is where you sigh and say... not again.
i'm not saying a word. it will remain a secret. A SECRET. ajsdfkljdksdkfjsdfjklklsdfjsdjkljklsdfjklsdfjkfsdjklsdfjklsdf i love it. so much. be excited.
jaseyray
***Edit: I've officially logged off of FanFiction for now. Bebacksoon. Getting into character.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
hi
i'm moving to a mountain for a couple days. i won't have any internet or food or anything. hunting cougars- you know, and what not. how the homies in montana roll. but i'll be back on the air in a little while. i'll have a lot lot lot to post but for now i'm going to delete a couple chapters and write a little more. you know how it is.
but if i never make it back- a mountain lion killed me.
jaseyray
i'm moving to a mountain for a couple days. i won't have any internet or food or anything. hunting cougars- you know, and what not. how the homies in montana roll. but i'll be back on the air in a little while. i'll have a lot lot lot to post but for now i'm going to delete a couple chapters and write a little more. you know how it is.
but if i never make it back- a mountain lion killed me.
jaseyray
Monday, August 10, 2009
"show me what i'm looking for" carolina liar
hi
super inspired by my visit to my school next year. hello high school. for what? excited for what? "last place" and only "last place."
a lot's going ot change but i'm thinking about issuing a rewrite. being that i'll write and then delete a chunk of chapters and then rewrite them and post em again. it's all a jumbled tangled mess. i have a slight idea where i'm going but rainie's so bi-polar. arghhhs. not helping "perfect kisses" whatsoever.
so is a rewrite a bad idea? should i unhook my internet? should i stop thinking in terms of tetris? YES!
jaseyray
super inspired by my visit to my school next year. hello high school. for what? excited for what? "last place" and only "last place."
a lot's going ot change but i'm thinking about issuing a rewrite. being that i'll write and then delete a chunk of chapters and then rewrite them and post em again. it's all a jumbled tangled mess. i have a slight idea where i'm going but rainie's so bi-polar. arghhhs. not helping "perfect kisses" whatsoever.
so is a rewrite a bad idea? should i unhook my internet? should i stop thinking in terms of tetris? YES!
jaseyray
Friday, August 7, 2009
"i miss you" blink-182 (aggainn cause that's all i'm listening to)
hi
how would.
you like.
a
Halloween
chapter in
"The Last Place You Look"
Rewrite?
It's wicked cool I think. It involves capes, Reese's, Friday the 13th, and Jonah in a freaking cape. What more could you want?
Wait...
You want a Sneak peak?
Pfff, ummm, okay. I guess if I type it out and what not. I don't know how th Writing quality will be But okay. I'll try.
jaseyrayyayyayyy
how would.
you like.
a
Halloween
chapter in
"The Last Place You Look"
Rewrite?
It's wicked cool I think. It involves capes, Reese's, Friday the 13th, and Jonah in a freaking cape. What more could you want?
Wait...
You want a Sneak peak?
Pfff, ummm, okay. I guess if I type it out and what not. I don't know how th Writing quality will be But okay. I'll try.
jaseyrayyayyayyy
Thursday, August 6, 2009
"i miss you" blink-182
hi
so um, here's my excuse. have no idea where to go with the old "perfect kisses" and have rewritten the same part over and over again but it never works. i don't know if i should bring up someone without making the two stories into a series-type thing. and i was going to put up a new chapter but i was writing and rewriting and i get a text from my friend saying she was coming in like an hour to get me. to go where?
one of the greatest shows i've ever been to. blink-182. i went to see panic! at the disco but found out a mister ryan ross wasn't going to even be there like a week ago but honestly awesome massive shows from the dead center thanks to a creepy scalper was probably the greatest thing ever.
i'm listening to the only blink song on my ipod "i miss you" which was one of my favorite songs live ever and one of my favorite songs. sooo good. download it. i see it as a cheesy couple song. i think it goes to a mister williams and a miss loren because they tug the juice out of my heartstrings.
sometimes i wish someone else wrote these ridiculously long and dramatic stories for me to read. it makes to so much easier. i lvoe rereading them. i get all the reactions of the reader when i don't even anymore when i write it. plus my writing is kicking butt in the "last place" re-write. you are going to poop your pants reading the angst and what not of it all. ahhh. it's like taking the writing of the first chapter and or "perfect kisses" wedding chapter and then BAM like that every chapter. they're all around 8,000 words so when i do post one it will equal about four to eight regular chapters in my pieces now.
BUT another "perfect kisses" rewrite is in order due to the expanding writing abilities of a miss jasey ray. but i'm not going to get into the third person now. first person is more personal- hence why i always write in it. so goodnight everyone.
"don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head"
jaseyrayy-182
so um, here's my excuse. have no idea where to go with the old "perfect kisses" and have rewritten the same part over and over again but it never works. i don't know if i should bring up someone without making the two stories into a series-type thing. and i was going to put up a new chapter but i was writing and rewriting and i get a text from my friend saying she was coming in like an hour to get me. to go where?
one of the greatest shows i've ever been to. blink-182. i went to see panic! at the disco but found out a mister ryan ross wasn't going to even be there like a week ago but honestly awesome massive shows from the dead center thanks to a creepy scalper was probably the greatest thing ever.
i'm listening to the only blink song on my ipod "i miss you" which was one of my favorite songs live ever and one of my favorite songs. sooo good. download it. i see it as a cheesy couple song. i think it goes to a mister williams and a miss loren because they tug the juice out of my heartstrings.
sometimes i wish someone else wrote these ridiculously long and dramatic stories for me to read. it makes to so much easier. i lvoe rereading them. i get all the reactions of the reader when i don't even anymore when i write it. plus my writing is kicking butt in the "last place" re-write. you are going to poop your pants reading the angst and what not of it all. ahhh. it's like taking the writing of the first chapter and or "perfect kisses" wedding chapter and then BAM like that every chapter. they're all around 8,000 words so when i do post one it will equal about four to eight regular chapters in my pieces now.
BUT another "perfect kisses" rewrite is in order due to the expanding writing abilities of a miss jasey ray. but i'm not going to get into the third person now. first person is more personal- hence why i always write in it. so goodnight everyone.
"don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head"
jaseyrayy-182
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
"i want blood" empires
hi
it's tying in nicely, BUT not as nicely as some may like it. i wrote some notes which involved two-way cheating BUT that seems a little too much like "last place" and i might even change "last place" around in that area too. hmmm. this is all like a brain teaser. BUT there's a must-have confrontation and there may be a much needed hook-up to make "perfect kisses" work. it's like i'm trying to get a math equation right.
variable x corresonds with y but as the equation works out x is currently trying to correspond with z who i've figured out needs to truly correspond with variable a which is trapped in a negative fraction under variable negative p.
reading an abundance of katherines by my favorite author john green. it is about a prodigy trying to make an equation that predicts relationship patterns. hah. got math on the mind.
jaseyray
it's tying in nicely, BUT not as nicely as some may like it. i wrote some notes which involved two-way cheating BUT that seems a little too much like "last place" and i might even change "last place" around in that area too. hmmm. this is all like a brain teaser. BUT there's a must-have confrontation and there may be a much needed hook-up to make "perfect kisses" work. it's like i'm trying to get a math equation right.
variable x corresonds with y but as the equation works out x is currently trying to correspond with z who i've figured out needs to truly correspond with variable a which is trapped in a negative fraction under variable negative p.
reading an abundance of katherines by my favorite author john green. it is about a prodigy trying to make an equation that predicts relationship patterns. hah. got math on the mind.
jaseyray
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
"40 steps" the academy is...
hi
i've been having so many problems in my house. not with me directly but i get pulled into it a lot. my mum and my sister are fighting a lot. i'm the younger one. there's this book called "hard love" and the main character- forgot his name >:\- never feels touched. not in a dirty way but nobody ever hugs him or holds his hand or makes contact with him. they talk to him and everything but never actually physical contact- not in a dirt way at all!!!!
to give you a little idea of what's ahead: these are all forcing me towards "last place" but weirdly enough i can feel everything pulling together again. it's hard co-ordinating two stories that are so wrapped up. it's like life. i need to get rainie at this one place and then bennett with her and then her with paul and then bennett with elisa. which hard to believe is extremely hard becuase i'm writing both stories towards the same point where they mold together. i'm not at that night yet but it's getting closer. they're each talking about the same party right now and then next week it's happening. rainie's at friday and elisa's at monday.
i don't want to spoil too much but there's going to be a huge make-over in the "last place" area you'd never believe. it makes it so much more real to me, and personal for that matter. elisa is probably one of my favorite character i've ever concieved- not literally but mentally- and weirdly enough i think it's because we are so alike.
enough about me.
setting: a friday night.
pov: elisa's.
I was just standing on the side. My back was pressed against the wall and I was getting ready to go. Nathan couldn't be at my house still- he was probably getting ready at that club to play- but I wanted to make sure I was going to be alone when I did walk home. But for now I watched a series of girls and friends go up to Bennett and say how great he was.
My heart was still speeding. He made me that tape. That was so weird. He actually listened to me when I talked and remembered it all? Maybe we could be better friends. I didn't know what was holding me back from just taking the jump and talking to him in the halls or... right now.
I couldn't right now. I had to go, the people around him was thinning. He'd see me sooner or later. I pushed off the wall and started walking towards the stairs. I was happy I could tell him thank you for the tape on Monday. Maybe then I wouldn't just wait for English. "Hey, Elisa?"
Then my clean getaway was shattered. I stopped and turned. He was standing there walking past a girl- she was pretty too. My eyes met hers quickly and she just rolled her eyes and mumbled something walking away. I looked at Bennett but he was already halfway to me. I started walking towards him. "Hi," I said tugging my hair.
"I thought you'd be with Nathan," He said quietly. This wasn't me picking Bennett over Nathan. It couldn't be. It wasn't ever like that.
I shrugged. "We have a lot going on," I said. "I don't think we'll last much longer."
"I'm sorry." He meant it. The way he looked it at me and how he said that. He meant everything. He wasn't sorry for me and Nathan. He was just sorry for me. But for some reason I got weak again. I wasn't going to cry I just felt like I was. I never cried. I just shrugged one shoulder and all of a sudden he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around me.
This was so unfamiliar. This felt so weird. My body felt so stiff and cold and plastic. I hesitated at first before wrapping my arms around him. I moved my head so it was against his chest. My heart was going so fast- not because I was hugging Bennett Williams- because I was just hugging Bennett and I could hear his heart going twice the speed of mine. I closed my eyes. This had to be the most comfortable feeling in the world. I never realized how unfamiliar I was to this. Nathan never hugged me. He always just kissed me and if I was ever in his arms he never just held me like this. Bennett wasn't going for anything he was just hugging me. It felt so good to hug him.
I pulled away first. We had to have been standing there too long, but nobody seemed to notice. I looked at his eyes. I couldn't read them but I hope they were disappointed as mine because we had to stop. I never realized how foreign sometihng like a hug could be. I missed them. I wanted my last one back.
* * *
Partly autobiographical. Not about the boy. I've only hugged one boy. Read between the lines. That's how you get to know someone.
jaseyray
i've been having so many problems in my house. not with me directly but i get pulled into it a lot. my mum and my sister are fighting a lot. i'm the younger one. there's this book called "hard love" and the main character- forgot his name >:\- never feels touched. not in a dirty way but nobody ever hugs him or holds his hand or makes contact with him. they talk to him and everything but never actually physical contact- not in a dirt way at all!!!!
to give you a little idea of what's ahead: these are all forcing me towards "last place" but weirdly enough i can feel everything pulling together again. it's hard co-ordinating two stories that are so wrapped up. it's like life. i need to get rainie at this one place and then bennett with her and then her with paul and then bennett with elisa. which hard to believe is extremely hard becuase i'm writing both stories towards the same point where they mold together. i'm not at that night yet but it's getting closer. they're each talking about the same party right now and then next week it's happening. rainie's at friday and elisa's at monday.
i don't want to spoil too much but there's going to be a huge make-over in the "last place" area you'd never believe. it makes it so much more real to me, and personal for that matter. elisa is probably one of my favorite character i've ever concieved- not literally but mentally- and weirdly enough i think it's because we are so alike.
enough about me.
setting: a friday night.
pov: elisa's.
I was just standing on the side. My back was pressed against the wall and I was getting ready to go. Nathan couldn't be at my house still- he was probably getting ready at that club to play- but I wanted to make sure I was going to be alone when I did walk home. But for now I watched a series of girls and friends go up to Bennett and say how great he was.
My heart was still speeding. He made me that tape. That was so weird. He actually listened to me when I talked and remembered it all? Maybe we could be better friends. I didn't know what was holding me back from just taking the jump and talking to him in the halls or... right now.
I couldn't right now. I had to go, the people around him was thinning. He'd see me sooner or later. I pushed off the wall and started walking towards the stairs. I was happy I could tell him thank you for the tape on Monday. Maybe then I wouldn't just wait for English. "Hey, Elisa?"
Then my clean getaway was shattered. I stopped and turned. He was standing there walking past a girl- she was pretty too. My eyes met hers quickly and she just rolled her eyes and mumbled something walking away. I looked at Bennett but he was already halfway to me. I started walking towards him. "Hi," I said tugging my hair.
"I thought you'd be with Nathan," He said quietly. This wasn't me picking Bennett over Nathan. It couldn't be. It wasn't ever like that.
I shrugged. "We have a lot going on," I said. "I don't think we'll last much longer."
"I'm sorry." He meant it. The way he looked it at me and how he said that. He meant everything. He wasn't sorry for me and Nathan. He was just sorry for me. But for some reason I got weak again. I wasn't going to cry I just felt like I was. I never cried. I just shrugged one shoulder and all of a sudden he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around me.
This was so unfamiliar. This felt so weird. My body felt so stiff and cold and plastic. I hesitated at first before wrapping my arms around him. I moved my head so it was against his chest. My heart was going so fast- not because I was hugging Bennett Williams- because I was just hugging Bennett and I could hear his heart going twice the speed of mine. I closed my eyes. This had to be the most comfortable feeling in the world. I never realized how unfamiliar I was to this. Nathan never hugged me. He always just kissed me and if I was ever in his arms he never just held me like this. Bennett wasn't going for anything he was just hugging me. It felt so good to hug him.
I pulled away first. We had to have been standing there too long, but nobody seemed to notice. I looked at his eyes. I couldn't read them but I hope they were disappointed as mine because we had to stop. I never realized how foreign sometihng like a hug could be. I missed them. I wanted my last one back.
* * *
Partly autobiographical. Not about the boy. I've only hugged one boy. Read between the lines. That's how you get to know someone.
jaseyray
Monday, August 3, 2009
"unexpected places" the academy is...
hi
inspired in ways i can't channel.
i want to post another "last place" chapter sooooooo bad. i can't help myself. i'm giving in. but no, i'll fight the living hell out of it. "perfect kisses" i just need ot keep jamming my hand into it.
ahhhhhhhsdkfjhdfjkldfhjkdfhsdf
jaseyray
inspired in ways i can't channel.
i want to post another "last place" chapter sooooooo bad. i can't help myself. i'm giving in. but no, i'll fight the living hell out of it. "perfect kisses" i just need ot keep jamming my hand into it.
ahhhhhhhsdkfjhdfjkldfhjkdfhsdf
jaseyray
Sunday, August 2, 2009
"hold my hand' new found glory
hi
i reread a ton of old reviews for "last place" and right now i'm looking into just going full-time with the rewrite for a little while. i won't but i miss writing it. rewrites arent' as fun as new stories but at least my stories are changing drastically in the rewrite.
"last place" is going to be awesome. a lot more changes and hopefully i have everything sorted out. i'm not going into this not knowing what to do. i have everything thoguht out and consistent. "perfect kisses" is as bi-polar as a story can get but i'm jsut going to let it come out. i may/may not go back and rewrite something really fast but it will be small.
so have a good night. i'm into elisa's character tonight so i'm going to try and use it to my advantage.
astreetlight
i reread a ton of old reviews for "last place" and right now i'm looking into just going full-time with the rewrite for a little while. i won't but i miss writing it. rewrites arent' as fun as new stories but at least my stories are changing drastically in the rewrite.
"last place" is going to be awesome. a lot more changes and hopefully i have everything sorted out. i'm not going into this not knowing what to do. i have everything thoguht out and consistent. "perfect kisses" is as bi-polar as a story can get but i'm jsut going to let it come out. i may/may not go back and rewrite something really fast but it will be small.
so have a good night. i'm into elisa's character tonight so i'm going to try and use it to my advantage.
astreetlight
"my heart" paramore
hi
i'm all over the place with "perfect kisses" it's getting so bad. i'm sorry. i'm rewriting the ending after but i just need to get a good idea where i'm at. i hate how bi-polar this is. i'm sorry.
but this rewrite will be done in no time. few more chapters. i promise.
jaseyray
i'm all over the place with "perfect kisses" it's getting so bad. i'm sorry. i'm rewriting the ending after but i just need to get a good idea where i'm at. i hate how bi-polar this is. i'm sorry.
but this rewrite will be done in no time. few more chapters. i promise.
jaseyray
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