"lindsey quit lollygaging" chiodos

hi

bored again. too lazy to log onto my other computer and write a "perfect kisses" chapter. it's off. and i'm a lazy mazy. so blah. eat it.

setting: a night in november
pov rainie

i was at a party. caustic shows weren't going so well so i was just going ot see bennett play. a lot of kids were seeing caustic anyway, but paul didn't like me being at those shows anymore because that shitty kid nathan pratt keeps making comments about how much he'd like to 'fuck' me to paul when he's drunk and especially after bennett and everything he told me i should stop coming to them. even thoguh i told him he'd be the only boy i'd want to 'fuck' me. he hates when people say that. espeically about me.

he's such a girl.

but i walked downstairs there were a few kids. less than there was. caustic was playing. they had a choice. five bucks to see caustic and three cheers? or a tall skinny emo kid? they all ended up at jerry's so here i was.

bennett and i don't talk as much anymore. i'm not going ot say it's hard for him to look at me because it isn't. we're over it. i love paul. and even though he only told me about her a few weeks ago, he likes this girl.

i had been bugging him about it at a party. and he just rolled his eyes. because i was jsut bugging him about liking a girl. so i asked her what her name was. "elisa," he said. "but i don't know if i really like her."

naturally i asked what she looked like. he sort of shrugged. "she's cute," he said. i never heard a boy use the word cute without his voice cracking as he forced it out. boys say cute talking about little girls or nerdy ones. but he sort of meant it. "she's short and she listens to the same stuff as me. i mean, she loves sunday drive. i don't know, it's just kind of weird."

the moment he said 'she loves sunday drive' i knew this girl was his soul mate. but i didn't press him for last name, school, grade, hair color, eye color, exact height, and how long he's known her becuase i didn't want to be creepy. i figured i know her when i saw her. i had to make everything up.

she's at least my height. anorexic looking. red-tinted dyed hair. really pretty. punk-rock-ish. loud confident. smiley. perfect. loves sunday drive. listens to the get up kids. knows every word to alkaline trio's goddamit! and goes to kerrington. she is probably a senior too, but i asked shelly who knows everyone front and back and said there's no elisa. so maybe she goes to private school. i don't know though.

i saw bennett putting his capo on and he started playing. a sunday drive song. a happy one. a love song. he must be happy. he used to just play lonely songs. but here he was playing a happy one. this elisa really knows how to play around iwth a guy.

i walked over to the back. i could see him singing. his eyes closed. this coupel near me was sucking face. this girl next to me kept glancing at them. she had to feel really awkward. but she just looked sad. like a little girl.

so instantly i felt obligated to try and be her friend. i hated having sucky tiems at parties. "do you like his music?" i asked her. i crossed my arms and she looked at me. stopping to see if i was really talking to her.

she hesitated looking at me. she was shy and little-girl-ish looking. but she had to be at least fifteen. "yeah," she said. she looked away in defeat. feelign embarassed.

"me too," i said. she looked at me again. and i smiled a little. "my name's rainie, by the way."

and she swallowed. "i'm elisa," she said.

then suddenly it hit me.

elisa.

bennett's elisa.

THE elisa.

i tried not to smile so big. she was a few inches shorter than me. god, she must look tiny next to bennett. she was skinny. she wasn't slutty. in fact she just had on skinny jeans and a band t-shirt. she didn't look old thouh. she had freckles and her hair was a mousey brown. she had these cool eyes too. then suddenly i felt like hitting myself on the head and saying i was stupid. of course this was bennett's elisa. she screamed it. the fucking essence of this girl was exactly the kind of girl i knew was forcing him into playing these happy love songs about the girl with sweet brown hair that they wished they could kiss no matter how out of love with them she is. i bet he even played dashboard confessional in honor of this girl.

"are you friends with bennett?" i asked not trying to sound how excited i was. this was the 'where's waldo' of all time. i snatched this girl right out of the crowd. it was the cinderella story of kerrington. only it was a secret. this was exactly the girl i saw benentt falling in lvoe with, no matter how cynical i may have made him.

"sort of," she said. he switched to a get up kdis song. some song he played for me one night. she flickered over in his direction. "we talk in school and stuff."

then suddenly i felt a need. i'm a girl. he didn't tell me to do this, he never would. i used to do this for jess-ee-cah and boys but usually i just made comments abotu how lonely my friend was and how she was single. here i was trying to make bennett appeal to a girl like elisa. someone i didn't know.

"he's really a gret guy," i started looking back in her direction. her ead whipped over to me. i wasn't good at this, she probably knew what i was insinuating. "he's jsut hard to get into you know. he's so blocked out from the world. but once ou get to know him he;s one of the most amazing people you'll ever meet. he's a really sweet guy, he's jsut had a few bad relationships that's all. he's a great person."

she was quiet. opening her mouth to say something. "rain!" i turned and it was paul. i looked over at him but he just waved looking at bennett. why was paul here? he should be playing. i looked back at elisa. "sorry," i said. she nodded already gettign ready to say goodbye. "hey, are you hanging around?"

she paused, she tugged her hair. she seemed really quiet. "i'm not sure..."

"you should," i said. bennett would be playing for at least ten more minutes. "maybe we can talk later."

her eyes hazed over with doubt. "oh, yeah, uh, sure." she said.

i smiled. "bye," i said.

she nodded saying goodbye and i went over to paul. leaving elisa alone. paul didn't notice me. i went up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. his went around my wiast and he looked at me. i smiled. i still get butterflies whenever i see him. "gosh, i have to compete with bennett to get your attention?" i said.

he smiled kissing me. i kissed him back. his lips so perfect. i love kissing him. so much. "i quit the band." he said pulling away. he was happy. so happy. so i was happy for him.

"i always hated thomas." i said.

"me too," he kissed me again.

we watched bennett together. his hands pulled me agaisnt him and we listened. bennett played all these love songs. songs i bet were dedicated silently to the girl in the crowd who i guessed wash is girl with sweet brown hair that he wanted to kiss no matter how out of love with him she is.

he finished. and we walked off to the side. i sat on the pool table. and paul told me the story. that kid nathan came in going on and on about how shitty his girlfriend was and then thomas and him started fighting about who knows what and thomas dragged paul into it. i know paul was dragged in because of me. and suddenly paul jsut decided he was done. he just left. and he was done. fuck caustic. they were starting to suck anyways.

then i heard it "elisa!" i saw bennett. the girl elisa turned, and suddenly she looked ready to cry. she went up to him and said something and all of a sudden he hugged her. paul looked at the girl. "that's that kid nathan's girlfriend."

i paused. "what's wrong you think?" i said.

bennett just held her. closing his eyes. she was so small compared to him. buthe lookedl ike heh eld the world in his hands. paul shrugged. "could be the blonde whose been giving nathan head before every show."

and i looked at paul but he was serious. i looekd back at bennett and elisa. i suddenly felt a spark of hate for her. she can't use bennett like i did. this was so similar all of a sudden. i didn't know for sure, that's why i didn't just go out and say i hated her, becuase i don't. she seems nice. i just don't want to see bennett get hurt again, even if it's not me this time. because he likes this girl more than he likes me becuase he never looked at me like that before. no matter what.

but i just looked away. crossing my fingers that this wasn't another thing bennett's used to.

* * *

it was saturday and bennett was happy. he was putting away cds and singing along with the playlist of songs. i looked at him. "what's up?" i said.

paul jumped in. "is it that girl?" he asked. i didn't know paul knew about elisa but he had seen them hugging.

bennett just shrugged. he didn't seem like he was going to tell us anything. but i didn't have any idea what happened. "i met elisa." i said.

"really?" he said. "did she talk to you?"

i nodded. "a little," i said. "i didn't know she had a boyfriend."

he nodded, that dampered his mood a little. when pau lwas gone i went over to his register. "did you kiss her?" i asked.

he lookd at me. "why woudl you care?" he was smiling though.

jonah walked in all of a sudden. he looked at bennett. "dude," he said. "high-five." he held his hand up waiting. bennett gave him a high five anyways even if he didn't know why. jonah leaned over the counter.

"i saw you and your little crush leave that party." he said smiling. "you seem love-struck today."

bennett rolled his eyes. "i'm not." he said.

jonah looked at me. exchanging a look. "he always denies it i don't get it." he said. "anyways where's mister spinella?"

"out back," i said. "why?"

"i'm going to ask him what's up." he said. "because i know you tell him everything."

bennett rolled his eyes. "no i don't," he said. "that's so girlie."

jonah glanced at bennett's jeans. "those don't look very masculin." he said.

bennett laughed a little. "neither do yours." he said.

jonah looked down. "yeah but i'm not denying it." he turned and wlaked down the isles to paul. i looked at bennett.

"she was nice," i said. "she's cute."

he nodded. "i know."

"do you like her more than you liked me?"

he didn't hesitate. "yes," he said. "i like her so fucking much."

jasey ray