"Intensity of 10 Cities(?)" Chiodos

Hi

I wrote chapter 32(?) for "Perfect Kisses" this morning and it just came out. I didn't reread it I just finished and posted it. But I'm thinking hard about something. And it's going to throw you guys for a loop I think. I am really excited for it. It's going to be brilliant.

And it's going to lash out and attack "Last Place" also and hopefully all of my readers. It's pretty crazy I am so freaking excited. I can't help it. I'm going to write some notes up for it, and it's going to change EVERYTHING! I swear. It's going to make everything snap together in a perfect amazing way. It's going to be f*cking brilliant. Well ot so intensly, but it's going to be angsty and heart melty as this sh*tty summer weather.

Brilliant I say. Brilliant.

Ahhh. I'm such a dork I want to write so bad but I gotta writ a paper too. I'm wondering if I can manage all of this excitement. I can't. I'm going to write now.

djhdsjhdjdshds
JaseyRay

"Ohio is For Lovers" Hawthorne Heights

Hi

I'm busybusy today. No time. Nothing. I'm doing these shirts. And my mum is trying ot get me out of the house. She won't let me get the shirts she tells me to get done done. She wants m to go to the carnival. I don't want to go to the carnival! I don't care!

I'm a little rushed and busy. I'm sorry. So sorry. I jsut hate when people say one thign and then do something ot make you not do it and get mad. If that makes sense. I'm just sick f all of this stuff to get me out into the world. There's nothing to do with my friends. I just want ot get this stuff done so I can just relax. But no. I have to text this person and go there. I want to get work done!

I sound middle-aged but come on! Major Oof Day.

Anyways! I'm working on chapter 6 of "All We Ever Needed" it's a little twisted but your gonna' like it. And also the BIG changes in "Last Place" is going to be exciting to write. And I'm mentally preparing myself to write "Perfect Kisses." Ooof. Oof. Ooof.

I'm going to go listen to aggresive music and make peace sign shirts.
Jasey Ray.

"Emergency" Ace Enders

Hi

I have nointeresting stories. Except possibly my heros list jsut made an interesting change. My top three heros are now fighting for the top spot. And I'm afraid Mr. Beckett might get the boot from #1.

Why? Because I found my dream musician. And I'm obsessed with his music and his life and his attitude. Which makes me write my Kody-story. Which I need a title for but I'm waiting for a book to come out and see if I can snake a title out of it. Tee-hee.

My stories are all name after songs basically. Which is sort of sad becuase someone complimented my story naming skills.

"Last Place You Look" Get Up Kids (Coincidentally Remember Maine record title)
"Perfect Kisses" The Apathy Euology
"The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" Brand New
"Leaving Through The Window" Something Corporate Record
"Riot" Paramore record
"All We Ever Needed" The Early November

And weirdly enough all the songs unintentionally coincide with the story it identifies.

And my deepest apologies, but I can't bring myself to write "Perfect Kisses." Killing Rainie knocked me off of my seat. But HUGE changes in "Last Place." I mean MASSIVE!

So peaceeeeee
Jasey Ray

PS. My mum keeps buying these delicious chedder and sour cream potato chips I am obsessed with. Oof. But they inspire me oh so much.

"Today" Smashing Pumpkins

Hi

May I add... Whenever I listen to Smashing Pumpkins I always think of Paul Spinella. I love it. I love Mr. Spinella. Probably my favorite character of in right now.

Also: no "Perfect Kisses" I'm at a block and I'm not trying to work it out. Sorry :(

Jasey Ray

"Wste It On" Silversun Pickups

Hi

I jsut watched the movie "Nick & Norah's Infinit Playlist" again. I will probably end up marrying a guy like Nick. Norah is so much like me too. I love watching movies and seeing someone just like me.

I'm listening to indie music right now. It's so good. I wish I could download it. But I can't. No downloading no more in my house. Which sucks and is a struggle everyday for me. But I have to settle with what I have and save up to buy CDs and iTunes cards. Ooof.

I'll save up for my own computer to download all the illegal music I want. I jsut need to make some money.

So I will possibly have a chapter tonight? I'm on Spring Break so I write till like midnight post it fall asleep get up and start my day with a few Taylor Swift covers and Ace Enders and Demi Lovato. Mind you, I hate Taylor Swift but I'm secretly in love with Demi Lovato's music.

So I'm going to start writing. See you tomorrow.
Jasey Ray

"All I Have" The Rocket Summer

Hi

So I'm currently covering and taping myself doing some songs. Waiitng for peopel to rip my face of saying I suck, but they haven't yet. YouTube people aren't so nice, but some dude helped me out gave me some advice which made me feel pretty good.

But I want to know what you think of the Friday Night thing!! I need some reviews! Please!! I have some big old ideas in this brain of mine and they are being pushed aside by my quest for YouTube stardom. Come on!

JaseyRay

"Breathe Again" Jimmy Robbins

Hi


So tomorrow I plan on posting some YouTube videos of me singing badly/covering songs which will be pretty sad and pathetic. I haven't been able to write at all for "Perfect Kisses" becuase of that little thing I added. I was an emotional wreck for a little while. But I'm happy and writing a nice happy story.

Ooof. So now I'm going to get some soda to drink. No ginger ale. I drank a whole bottle practically on my way to a dance competition for my sister. But it was worth it. It held me over for a few days.

I'm gonna be writing this night too. Hopefully a few updates. Review though! Now.

Jasey Ray

"A Letter From Janelle" Chiodos

Hi

Here's a fun thing I came up with. I liked it, so I decided to write it. It's sort of in a series of "What ifs..."

Setting: Night of Rainie's Car Accident

Rainie's POV

I was driving to their house. There was one more night before they left Elisa alone. And not only that I wanted to see Paul. I couldn't fight this anymore. It was something I couldn't hide from anymore. I took a left and turned. There weren't many cars around.

I'm helplessly and hopelessly in love with Paul Spinella. I can't live without him. I want to make love to him every night he's with me. I want to listen to Oasis without worrying about pills or anything. I want to fight with him till morning. I want to be hisfoeer. I don't want to see ihm lvoe anyone else. I can't love anyone besides him. He's the love of my life. My true love. I love him more than life. I would rather die than live another minute without him knowing how in love I am with him.

I reached an intersection. I paused looking at the red light. It turned green in three seconds, and I went forward. Suddenly seeing a pair of headlights. I turned my head and say them. Bright and stinging my eyes.

I remembered perfect kisses. Disposible cameras. Oasis. Smashing Pumpkins. Sunday Drive. What it felt like the first time we made love. The first time I said I loved him. The million and one times I said it afterwards. The shows I went to, to see him play the music he loved. The nights I slept in his ars. And the nights I wished he was there to hold me. I thoguht aobut the one night stands. I though of how perfect kisses led to just one night stands. I wanted to be in love with him forever. I wanted him to know that.

Paul, I love you.

Elisa's POV

I lay there, my head agaisnt his chest listening ot his chest. I was falling asleep. I felt my skin against his and my heart in sync with his. I loved him so much. He kissed my forehead. "I love you so much." He said softly.

"I love you too."

The phone rang. And we ignored it. Paul was blasting music in the next room not even listening to it. The phone kept ringing. They kept calling. I got up, sighing. "No," Bennett said. "Stay, they'll leave a message."

"I'll be right back," I said. I put my clothes on. And walked out to the kitchen. It was Rainie's mother. Or her step-mother. I hope she knew Rainie wasn't here. At least this meant she wasn't there. She was probably at her friends house. I answered the phone. "Hello?" I said.

"Elisa?" Her voice shook.

"Hi Mrs. Joseph," I said. "If you're looking for Rainie she's probably at Jessicah's house." I smiled.

There was a sound. "No," She said softly. "I'm not looking for her." There was a sound. She took a breathe. The muffled sound filled my ear. I was confused.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

There was another pause. "She," There was another breathe. "She got into a car accident. They don't think she's... she's not going to make it."

I never felt sometihn like this. I felt my knees buckle and I fell. And leaned back agaisnt the refridgerator. I felt like I was out of breathe. I started crying. Rainie. And of all people I thought of Paul. I swallowed. "Mrs. Joseph," I said softly. I choked back a sob. "You need to tell Paul, I can't."

Bennett showed up. He looked at me. "Tell Paul what?" He said. "Elisa what happened?" Hemust have seen the tears glistening on my face. The pain in my body shaking me. The music died and I heard Paul's door open.

"What's up?" He called down the hall.

I handed the phone to Bennett. "Give this to him." I said softly.

Bennett's POV

I handed the phone to Paul. He took it looking at me funny. We both knew something was wrong. Something bad. Elisa was sobbing in the kitchen. Her sobs bitter and striking. He put it to his ear. "Hello?" He said. There was a pause. "Hi."

There was nothing like seeing someone die inside. I never saw it before. Until now. There was a long pause. Paul listening. His eyes normal. And then in a split second he was dead inside. Completely dead. I never saw him cry before. I didn't think it was possible. But he did. Tears rolled down his eyes. He swallowed. And hung up. He turned around walking into his room. He got his keys and cut past me.

His car started and I waked slowly to Elisa. It was Rainie. I knew it was. I looked at my love lying on the floor sobbing. I pulled her up and held her. Words weren't coming out. "What can I do?" I asked softly.

She choked down a sob letting out a few words. "Take me to the hospital."

"Okay," I said. I still didn't know what happened and I knew well I was the only way she could get to the hospital so I didn't want to. I got into the car and drove as she cried more beside me.

Anna's POV

I sat there beside her. Tears rolling out of my eyes. I looked at her lying there. Her face perfect and beautiful. Pale and slim and gorgeous. She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Even now. She looked so serene. Her eyes sealed. Her hands cold and unmoving. She was gone. She was a body with a machine keeping it functioning.

And even now she was more beautiful than anyone I'd ever known.

I was crying. She was my sister no matter what. The big sister who I met on drugs and last saw crying about a guy who broke her heart two years ago. I didn't know what happened. Or where she was going. But she was going somewhere. And we'd never know.

My mother came in sitting down across from me. The light flickering above her. She was pale and gone. She was already in heaven or hell, but I don't think heaven would pass up someone as beauiful as she was. Or is.

"I'm not letting her go without Paul here." She said softly.

I nodded. "I know." I said. Rebecca wasso scared of Rainie. And Jake was with my dad with Rebecca. Caitlyn was across the country with her friend in Florida.

They said Rainie wasn't coming back. They said she was gone already, Taking her off life support was the last step. And my mother refused to. She needed Paul here. And somehow we all agreed. We needed him here. And Elisa. And Bennett.

But I wasn't letting her go without him here. I knew he was the only way she'd ever come back to us. We weren't going to let her go without him here. He needed to see her last mechanical breathes.

I knew when she left she'd be with her mother. The only person who she loved even half as much as she loved Paul. It was sad to see how fate unraveled. She lost her mother. And then she found Paul and lost him. She spiraled down to the sam fate as her mother.

I turned and saw him. His eyes were worn from crying. He wasn't allowed to cry. He had to be the strong one. He had to be the one to keep her together. Keep her soulwith the body being fed life through a machine.

Caitlyn's POV

Anna came out and my mother. They shut the door and we waited. I held Anna who started sobbing. Paul was there with her. He needed to be there. He was her only reason to stay.

Paul's POV

The room was cold. And I looked at her. My high school sweet-heart. The love of my life. I wanted to die so she wasn't alone or waiting for me. I wasn't going to love anyone else. I didn't care. I wanted to curl up and die beside her. I wanted to go back to being 18 and tell myself she was going to die if you don't ever let her go.

I was too late. But I wanted so badly not to be.

She was pale. Her skin white. And her eyes bare and her face natural. She was beautiful. I started crying. And I didn't want to be alone. I needed her. I swallowed. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't want you to know I'm crying. I can't help it."

She didn't answer. But I could almsot here her laugh. Soft and beautiful shaking the shaking from my bones. "Paul, you're such a baby sometimes. Come here. I'll hold you together this time." She'd say. But she just sleeps through it.

I sat down and touched her hand. Small and once warm was freezng cold. I moved it away. The coldness burned my skin. But I couldn't let her see this. So I took her hand with both of mine hoping I could warm them. They remained limp. I squeezed it. And she didn't squeeze my hand back. I started crying again.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I need you Rain. Don't go. I can't be alone for the rest of my life. I need you so bad. I love you so much. I never stopped. I can't. I can't live without you. I don't have a reason to without you." I swallowed. "I need you to be okay, Rain. I need you to hold on, I need you so badly."

She didn't answer. I got up and kissed her forhead. I kissed her face everywhere. Her cheeks her eyes. Her ears. Her nose. I wanted her to laugh. "Paul, stop. That tickles." But no. She sleeps through it.

I kiss her neck. My lisp finding the hickey I left a week ago faded and almost gone. I kissed her collar bones and then I dared to kiss her lips. They remained cold. Not kissing mine back. Her seet lips were cold and hard. I was kissing granite. I was kissing nothing. She had finally turned to ivoy. The stone that matched her skin.

"Rain," I said softly. "Come back. Please. I love you so much. I'm not ready for a goodbye. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want you back. I want to love you forever. Don't give up. Please. I need you. You can't leave Elisa alone. You can't leave your parents or anyone. Your mother's always going ot be waiting. I can't wait a whole life to be with you. I need you so badly. Rain."

Queenie's POV

We let everyone go in one by one. Paul just sat there. His eyes marbles. He didn't want to say goodbye. And last it was his turn. We stood outside and cried. Bennett held Elisa as she sobbed. And we all waited. It was an hour. And finally he opened the door. We stood around her. A halo around her bed. The most beautiful complicated girl I've ever seen.

She grew up an stayed forever young. We'll play that at her funeral I thought. And I realized we had to have a funeral. And suddenly. We all watched. The doctor coming in and asking us if we were letting her go.

We all nodded.

There was a silence and we watched Paul. His hand on the switch. He paused, leaning down and kissing her forehead and whispered into her ear something. And then slowly he kissed her lips. Pressing his to hers softly. So softly

Paul's POV

She talked about thins once. Saying it made hr fee so alive when I kissed her a certain way. A soft gentl way. Like our first kiss and the one that made her look at me and stare at me and I saw her fall in lvoe with me throguh her beautiful eyes I'd never see again.

I gave her a perfect kiss.

Rebecca Joseph's POV

I watched over her. She was standing outside of them. Watching sudenly seeing Paul. Kissing her lips. she coud feel it I knew. And she watched as he moved gently back and looked at her one more time. He flipped the switch and she whispered, barely audible, my baby, my little Rain. "I love you."

3rd Person

The room was full of people listening to the step mother talk about the girl. The poor girl who died too young. Always seventeen and young forever. They played forever young as a young man walked up to the podium. He stood there and looked at the room. "She hates this song." He said suddenly. "I'm sorry, but I should have said this earlier. This is her least favorite song she's ever heard."

The room laugehd a little. And they listened to this young man tlaking about how beautiful he tohught she was and how he fell in lvoe at age 18 and never stopped loving her. How he's never going ot love anyone as much again. How he wished there had been a way tosave her. How beautiful she was and how incredbile she was. How much love she had to give and how she said a million ties she cave it all to him.

How he always let her win and always held er together until he made the mistake of breakign up with her. And how they had one month. And fell back in love with her, he did. And how he said nothign he needed to when she was barely alive an how he wished he could say he loved her one more time. And how he can't believe she's... gone.

This young man was there when they buried her. And when she was put ot rest. And nobody was left dry-eyed after his speech because nobody knows how to say goodbye like a first love. And he never felt so much pain in his being. And never did he express it so well.

Rainie Joseph died on March 19. The day, this young man said, they met. And from there fell in love. And they'll be in love forever. Because he said she'd never die. She's too stubborn. And that she would hopefully be waiting for him.

And he touced the coffin. Whispering one more time he loved her. And that he'd never stop. Because love is eternal. And first love never dies.

I said this was fun. I had to stop twice because I started sobbing. I never had this much emotion. I'll only write happy things now. I never cried this much. These are jsut characters and I never cried so much over a book before in my life.

I need to listen to happy music. I never cry becuase of my writing. I stopped feeling the same butterlflies I used to when I wrote perec kisses or anything like that. My shirt front is soaked with my own tears.

Love Always
Jasey Ray

New Story

Read it.

"You Said You Loved Me" Cinematic Sunrise

Hi

We're reading about alcohol in school. Well in Health. And I was the crazy chick going on and on about Blackouts asking questions and shit. People must think I'm trying ot get one or something. They must think I'm a creep. But I was collectign all that infor for something in the future!!!!!!

Get excited.

I'm going to write the part I was thinking of for some practice.

Jase Yray

"Hayley" Empires

Hi

Okay so new story idea:

Will is 16. He came to school and his friend is dating this girl named Charlotte. She's blonde and pretty and she hangs out with them sometimes. She brings this girl Ashley who Will dated in middle school and they haven't talked since. They start talking again. Ashley has a boyfriend and he starts to like Ashley. And they start talking more and more and he starts liking her more and more. He is trying to steal her from her boyfriend and doesn't have any idea how.

How does that sound? Inspired by a song of course. But I like it. I could go with it I think.
JaseyRay

"The Brilliant Dance" Dashboard Confessional

Hi

Wrote about five notebook pages of stuff for my untitled suicide/cancer story. Oof. I'm scrapping it all. It involved creepy stuff. Oof. But I read about 20 chapters in "Last Place" and it was like I didn't even write it. Except I should have been more clear in some parts. It was a little blurry. But I think I have some little changes here and there in that.

I've been following some Twitter's and for some reason I realized how anti-dru I am. A guy in the Academy Is... smoked some weed this weekend and I was a little like wrinkle-my-nose-lose-all-my-respect-for-him. It wasn't William. I have my fingers crossed and hope he doesn't pull a Kenny Vasoli and land a magazine cover and have the article about his "love affair" with "Mary Jane."

I'm such a dork. Straight-edge man! Woo! Yet I wrote a part today where Kody and Anthony got high together. I'm such a hypocryte. Hah. I used to fight a lot with a friend and he always called me a hypocryte and a forceful over-opinionated person. I basically can only date one kind of guy. Someone who won't let me walk over them and who won't lie or pull any stupid stuff and is independent also.

Oh well. As my love life is screwed I know I'll write kick ass love letters.

So I'm gonna go write now. "Leaving Through the Window" maybe? Kay.
Jasey Ray

"Over This" Ace Enders

Hi

I do not picture the original Paul Spinella when I picture Paul Spinella.
Oof. I jsut realized that now.

Revelations make revolutions
And I feel revolution in the works
Jasey Ray

"Alabama" Paper Rival

Hi

I'm listening to a radio thing. I typed in "Anthony Green" and it gave me tis amazing medley of indie-emo-rock amazingness I have been enjoyign for hours as I fill out surveys and decide on what picture to get of Bill Beckett- some girl on the boards was kind enough to offer to make prints for free, I picked a lovely picture of my number one Hero.

But my dad is pretty pushy about e getting a shirt done. I'll psot picks whe its enfin finished. But I am getting pretty agrivated. I get very aggrivated while drawing or painting and I get scared I'm hurting he peopel who support me. But I let it out with my art. Something ugly and resisting any power I have to make it satisfactory. And sometimes art is my shuttle away from reality. Where I can bock out my demons and the world's demons and be free. Be myself and alive for one moment or so.

Some people think going to the movies or the bars or parties all the time is living and beign a part of the world. I'm never asked anywhere so I don't fight it. When I want to get out I will. When I want to expirience the world I will. I'm having a moment a breathe from life to recouperate and trying to fgure out what I want in this world.

Right now I want to be surrounded by art. To be drowning in it and to be dedicated to the artists I owe everything to. Sure, I need to get out more, but why go out if I just waste money? Why go out to go out when I'd rather be somewhere else. Passivty vs. Passion. My passion is in art. In music. In painting. In writing. In books.

I'm really independant. I don't like people relying on me day and night to be with them which is pretty much my personaliy saying "screw you" when I start dating and opening myself up to people and bringing them close to me. I don't believe in having a best friend that isn't blood related right now. I've lost more best friends than I gain them.

What makes glaciers is when it snows more than it melts and then when it's heavy enough it starts to drift, and is pulled down by gravity until they start going back uphill. That's how I work. When there's more pain and loss in one person they start to slip. They need to melt and move on and retreat back up the moutianside.

I'm sorry if this is a diary entry. But I have to say my writing hopefully expresses these ideas or will someday. They definatly will with Rainie. She and I are alike in this way.

So goodnight. I'll go enjoy my last glass of my favorite juice and read and get inspired.
Jasey Ray

"All I See" Lydia

Hi

We reached 5,000 views in "Last Place"

We've been successful.

Let's go for 6,000.

Jasey Ray

"She Loves Me So" Anthony Green

Hi

So I'm almsot done with Sunday Drive concert. I talked it up way too much. But it's okay. I'm over it. I'm sorry if I dissapoint you. I've been rocking my good man Anthony Green a lot and greeting my painting everytime I enter my room. But I'll have the chapter up.

Read your 6 favorite chapters in "Last Place" please. I need 6 views before we hit 5,000 views.

Jasey Ray

"If We Meet Today" Kevin Devine

Hi

17 more views on "Last Place" till we reach the 5,000 views mark.
Just hit the 60 review mark in "Perfect Kisses" also.

Jasey Ray :D

"Dear Child" Anthony Green

"Miracle Sun" Anthony Green

Hi

I never had such an intense aristic moment before. I was just painting. A faceless man. And I made it and found myself standing up leaning down fingerpainting and beingso unaware of it. I started breathing heavily and almost gasping. And my iPod just regulated my heart beat and my feeling. I just painted. Painted. Painted. It didn't come out incredible but it is my interpretation of a man who changed my life and who influences me to this day. Anthony Green is invcredible. I hope one day to meet him AGAIN and not be the fat wet chick with nasty hair and a high-pitched voice.

But I'm quite satisfied and hope I get to hand it up somewhere. I think my true calling with paintings is just in the shirts. I so bad ass shirts. I'll take a pic and post it. It's going on my facebook fersher.

JaseyRay

The Quest Conclusion

Hi

So I found a Bennett song. 100% no Elisa. 100% post-Rainie. Which I've been killing my arse for. The Quest was basically looking for this indirectly. Which is awesome. I don't know. But I love it. It's Bennett singing it. Which means: Bennett is going to love Alkaline Trio in the rewrite!

"Sorry About That" Alkaline Trio

This was Jasey Ray.
And this has been "The Quest."
Bringing Bennett Williams Anthems to the few that take time to read
and fall in and out of love with my twisted and touch of words.

"Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache" Cinematic Sunrise

Hi

Today was one of the days when I don't want to talk to anyone. Those days when I wake up and want to sew my lips shut and keep them tightly sealed. I don't want to speak or deal with anyone. I just want to paint. To write. To sing my soul out.

And so today I sat down and started painting. It remains unfinished, my painting, but it's probably the biggest need I've had in a while. I had five unpainted canvases in my room. I'm terrified to use them. I feel like I'll regret it if I do, and I feel like I'm going to screw them up. And tonight I don't.

I'm having the time of my life. My AP Podcasts blasting 3 out of my seven heros. Bryce Avery, Anthony Green, Craig Owens. My 7 heros are the musicians that have talked me off of cliffs. They have taken my hand and tugged my gently off of any edge. Any line I was wavering and close to falling from. They are lost in my music library or idolized in my room everywhere. They are in my paintings and my sketchbooks. They are on ticket stubs and free bracelets that set in stone my meetings with them. They were the greatest moments of my life and my greatest dissapointments. They are my memories. They are the songs I can always go back to and sing so loudly I'm scared I'll start crying remember what I did because of who I was before they saved me. They are everything. They shaped my as a musi lover and a person beside two other people who remain names in my journals and snapshots of my personality.

I'm a person defined by "identification" which when it comes to personality-wise I take bits and pieces form people and mold them together into the person I am. I am a conbination of a million different people. Anything that touches me I become. I am the man aslep on the bench in the park I remember seeing on the ride to my firstand so far onyl root canal with his dog tied up next to him. I am the girl on the street with sunglasses and a flannel plaid dress I saw on my way to a free show on April 3rd, 2008. I am New Found Glory Boy.

And only once have I never known who I am. One point where I lost everything. It was when I made the first real connection with a human being. He has a name. A role in my life. He was there the greatest most intimidating moment of my life. He was there the bus rides when I was a manufactured child. He caused my to lose myself. And to look for what was there to hold onto. He was the title of a million poems. He was called Scribble Boy. His named scratched out in all of my journals and all of my memories. I never know him the same way. He broke me down.

And I found these 7 heros. I found them in records. In song. In catalogues. In shows. In moments. They have a frame of two people who I met and had real human connections with. I was once told I couldn't say I loved them. I wasn't allowed to say I loved New Found Glory Boy or Scribble Boy. But I do. I love them for what they gave me. The person they made me.

I love them so much. And I love my 7 heros. And hope my art will turn into something at that scale. Art is everything. Don't let someone tell you it's the Mona Lisa or a shitty stick figure or Beethoven or music. Or anything. Art is a connection between you and anything and anyone and everything. It is a movement inside of you. It is something that makes you want to never forget. It's the feeling of being infinite.

Love always,
Jasey Ray

"Stranger" Secondhand Serenade

Hi

I'm bored

Bennett's POV
Setting: Talent Show

I was sitting backstage. Nathan was sitting there scracthing his neck. I watched him. Seeing him. He wasn't that-prick-Nathan to me. He was Elisa's boyfriend. And I hd borrowed her from him for one night. The lucky prick had her. She was his. I reminded myself she was mine in a small way. That night she'd always be mine. And here I was to be patient. To wait for her to do something for her. And not lt the world take control once again.

Girls came backstage from singing smiling like they were awesome. Thinking they were stars. I looked at my sad little guitar. I wished my mother was right. I hoped this would be good for me. I hoped this would make her proud.

The kid with braces came in again. "Act number 11?" He said. That was me. Act 11. I gt up taking my guitar and walking out. Past Nathan. I heard whisper. A hushed voice. "I heard he slept with Rainie Joseph Friday night. Left the party together."

No. Because Elisa's prettier than Rainie could ever be.

I stood on the side. The director preparing me. Telling me to walk out and play. Not saying anything. Just play the song. I nodded. Looking out for her. All those eyes. I wanted to see her. Not anyone else. I wanted to see Elisa. Only Elisa.

The girl walked off. She smiled flipping her hair. "Hi Bennett." She said. Rachel Powers. I nodded and a girl came out announcing me and the act I was doing. Saying an original song. I didn't tell them I changed songs last minute.

I walked out. Looking around. I slipped my guitar over my shoulder playing chords getting ready. I scanned the crowd. And found her. Her eyes bright and shining out to me. Waiting for me to find her. She sat up and looked at me. She wasn't Nathan's right now. She was mine to steal.

"This is a different song," I said. My voice sounded so loud. "I wrote it three days ago. It's about this girl." I played another chord. And looked up finding her again and I started playing. I wanted to write her the most beautiful song I could. I had to settle for this. Making it as perfect as I could. Making it beautiful for her. My eyes on her as I sang. I fell for her form the stage. I felt my heart pounding singing her these words.

It went by fast.We were the only two people in the world. We were all theat mattered. We were the world and the universe. We were everything compacted into a connection between two people and a song. I said everything I could. Looking away and gettign offstage. People clapped. She remained frozen. Stunned. I was stunned by her everytime I saw her. I was used to it.

I went into the room. Nathan smirking as I passed. "Sure it wasn't about some prick?" He asked. He looked slightly jealous. I told myself he was. I found it funny.

It was about his girlfriend. That's why I didn't say anything.

I sank down to the ground hearing the vibrations of the room she was in. Sitting there stunned hopefully still. And thinking. Knowing how much he meant to me. How much she was to me. And suddenly I heard it.

"Nathan..."

"Elisa, I'm so sorry for whatever I did."

A pause.

"No, Nathan, I'm done. I know you cheated on me."

That was the best thing I ever heard. I must have half imagined it. It couldn't be real. It went how I wanted it to go. It was her telling him she needed to do something herself. She sounded so strong so real. It couldn't have been. And in a second the room was silent. An uneasy calmness. I stood up.

And she was there.

She looked at me. Elisa. I swallowed and walked towards her. "Hi," I said. My voice was so soft.

"Was that about me?" She asked suddenly. Her eyes sparkling.

I smiled a little. "Did you like it?" I was close to her. She didn't say anything she stepped closer filling in the space in between us and kissed me. Her lips so sweet. I moved my arms around her and kissed her back.

It was the greatest dream I ever had. It was all I ever wanted. The girl of my dreams was mine. This never happened. But I didn't wake up. Because when I opened my eyes I saw hers closed too. Waiting and hoping this wasn't only a dream too.

Elisa Loren was mine.

JaseyRay

"Touble" Nevershoutnever

Hi

I've lost my voice form singing my heart out. I figured out how to sing my soul and heart out today. And it was going so good. I sang "This is Me" like four times and then I go into the chorus and when I hit "...Let the like shine on me..." I just lost my voice. And I talk all crackly now. And man-ish. It's not good. I need to start doing vocal warm ups. I really do. I wish I knew how to, but I guess I'll study William Beckett warm-ups the many videos they walk in on him.

But I have been worryign my little arse off about this stupid talent show when you may be wonderign why I'm doing it... or not... scroll by the italicized words then... when I was younger I had intense stage fright. I lost all my confidence and was teased a little and only had one friend. I almsot passed out trying out for the school play in 4th grade and in 6th I sweat my hair off and bombed another play audition and cried. Eversince then my confidence level has shot up to the point I can have conversations with people in my unimmediate group of friends. And so I've been planning secretly since I picked up a guitar I wanted to sing for my 8th grade talent show, but with my family telling me I'm tone deaf I fgured I wouldn't be able to. But I still got serious about it learning a couple songs and then my sister and I falling head over heels for "If it Mean a lot to You" by A Day To Remember that lead me to singing it for her. That's where this story begins. She said I had a good voice. Months of hiding my voice by playing too loudly had paid off and now my slip i in and I'm actually doing it.

So normally I name songs after what I'm listening to and what not. BUT today it has an actual meaning. Yes. I'm having trouble. With Sunday Drive show. It sucks I think. I'm not evenat the beginning of the show and its AWFUL!!!!!!!! But I always say that and I always think I'm worse than I am. So I'm going to go get some ginger ale and write. Musiclessly writing. Oof.

JaseyRay.

"Don't Forget" Demi Lovato (WTF?!?!!?!)

Hi

I love this song no idea why! Ooof.

I am actually on Sunday Drive show. It'll be next chapter/update. And I'm sorry my writing/grammar may be a little screwed up because we're reading this short story in schoolabout this guy whose like 37 and can't write or anything and he has the IQ f a grade schooler. His name is Charlie. I tend to love characters named Charlie. Minus Charlie from Twilight. Oof that ruins that statement.

My husband will have to say 'Oof.' a lot becuase I do and I think it'd be a cutesy couple thing.

But anyways!!!! I have a girl crush on Demi Lavato. I admire hir many (Yes I jsut spelled her H-I-R) twitter sessions with BillBeckett. I want to be famous enough ne dy to twitter sesh with BillBeckett. That's my goal. And/or twitter sesh when Mike Carden gets one and she can talk to her celebritycrush/member of the Academy Is... and I can talk to mine. Equality!

I'm singing her song "This is me" for Talent Show (I did just forget the 'The' in that statement) and I can't sing very well because my nose clogs up with all of this snot and I get all congested and can't belt it out. My mum's freaking out more than me. Hah. Hi Mom! (she reads these I think)

So while fanticizing 'bout future twitter seshes with my celebcrush (not Demi) I have also been writing my sad story about Kody and Anthony and it's really disturbign but I've had the same dream in his POV and it's insaely depressing and scary. But I'm a writer so BAM deal with it. Oof. I'm still a little sick.

Apparently my sister's BF just made an evil comment. I'm multitasking by eavesdropping on my sister'c phone convo and writing this while singing Demi Lavato tunes (I only know 2,that's slim pickin's).

But anyway's peace. My sister is explaining the term 'muffin top' to her BF.
I must sleep. I'm overtired and not jaunty* vocab word.

Adios
JaseyRay

"Automatic Eyes" The Academy Is...

Hi

Every few months or weeks or so I find myself refreshing my love for certain bands. It's cool to rediscover the same feelings you had towards a certain song or album from a band. Today I only listened to the Academy Is... and even though I still feel like crap I feel someone balanced. But then again I hven't been thrown off balance for a few weeks now.

No notes yet. I haven't been writing. I will not till my cold medicine kicks in. But I have a feeling if I start writing the Sunday Drive concert I won't work as hard to get there.

What's also refreshing is whenever I check my story stats. I didn't think I'd ever reach a point like this. "Last Place" is nearing 5000 views and 218 reviews (Wow!) and "Perfect Kisses" had jsut passed 1000 views and getting up there. With my lack there of updates before last weekend some days I only got like 4 views and the highest were around like 30 or so. I don't even remember how many reviews the original "Perfect Kisses" got, but I'm thinking around 80. But now there aren't any 0's in most of my stories except for reviews in my two earlier ones. The stories I care about have surpassed any expectations.

I reread my stories a lot, and even though this rewrite of "Perfect Kisses" needs tons of work if I ever want it published or want to think about it getting published, I can see my writing has improved so much. Thanks to FanFiction. And thanks to all my readers.

I was thinking about today and how my life has set me up for this in a way I didn't think possible. All last year left me looking for something to hold onto. I found that in The Academy Is... and from there I was inspired to pick up my writing again and come up with these stories. Where I can see that maybe I'll be able to do this for a living. Unless I die of this cold which feels possible right now.

My dream is to sleep in a van and play music every night. That probably won't happen because I might not be talented enough and I might not have the chances offered to me. But I could easly substitute being a musician with being a writer. The two may sound so different ut it' shocking how versital they are. Musicians say everything they hear influences their music. I say everything I read influenced my writing. Musicians say they are letting out their emotions and beings (at least the real talented ones). I say writing lets out anything inside of me and lets me feel like myself.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. But this website FanFiction, I almost never looked at it had I not seen people posting their own stories on it, has given me more than I have ever imagined.

But my back hurts and I better get my half hour of writing done now.
JaseyRay

"High and Dry" Radiohead

Hi

I just got like 15 or 16 hours of sleep. I missed school obviously, but I've never slept so much before. I jsut downed a full bottle of ginger ale and watched the new episode of TAI TV like seven times. I let my inner fangirl come out best I can but I'm a little too sick to start spazzing about my love's new haircut. Oof.

I'm not going to do any writing today. I'm going to memorize some Shakespeare and watch music videos. I'm not doing so hot that's all. So I'm sorry. I'll make some notes of Sunday Drive show though to make it as good as I've hyped it up to be.

I'm going to make a chicken sandwich becuase I think it's better for me than Ramen Noodles. And I'm going to listen to and love my fab-five- The Academy Is...- all day. They always make me feel better when I'm emotionally and mentally and physically sick somehow.

Edit. I just realized characters in books don't usually get the common cold. It's weird. But I'mm non-conform and add that to my ideas for "Last Place" rewrite.

Oof.
JaseyRay.

"Lazy Eye" Silversun Pick-ups

Hi

I'm definatly sick right now. My nose is running like a sieve and all I want to do is curl up on the couch and sleep and listen to Radiohead. But I'll be thinking up some stuff because once I hit the Sunday Drive concert there's going to be even more thrown into the mix. And a little more drama and a little more that. It'll be intense I must say. Incredibly intense.

But for now I'm going to shower and down a cup of Theraflu and see if I can make myself better for tomorrow. I have art. I can't miss it. But I wish I could miss lunch soooooo badly.

G'night.
JaseyRay

"Picture in th Paper" New Amsterdams

Hi

So I did three updates today. I feela cold coming on. Oof. And in the midst of it all I still feel a need to write. I'm going to make Wednesday this week Posting Day. So I'll hopefully have a few updates. I made a sectio of my story "The Riot" into a short story for a contest. I won't win probably but maybe. Who knows.

I'm going to practice some more tunes this weekend and work on bettering myself. I need to figure out who I want to be and see if I can make some friends. I just wish there was a way to hang out wih your friends and nto spend money. I'm broke. I have nothing. Can't ask parents for money so all I do is sit at home with my guitar and listen to music till my eardrums rot some more.

I'm tired. Damn I can't wait till I can drive. Damn I can't wait till I actually have friends. Everythign costs money. Jesuschrist.

So tomorrow I'm going to be listening to the Get Up Kids a lot. I talk about them a lot I've realized. I wish I could see them. So good. Melt my heart everytime I hear Something to Write Home About.

So Ist depressing poetry tomorrow of something I wrote about my last best friend that wasn't related to me. Well my last real best friend. He and I still talk but I stumbled upon it today. It's sad. Actually I'll post it now.

A Lesson on Letting Go

Life teaches lessons that can’t be won
By any man, or hero, or villain
We learn them by losing on our own. I learned how
To truly let go, and to let what was once my own
Become a memory that becomes a dream,
Only brought up by distance, and when
The past reappears. We were friends, we
Were trust in it’s star white glow.
We were all that was admired like
Strangers that have always been known,
Only because we were strangers and long
Lost friends. We walked hand in hand
And together through flames and silence
And everything in the middle. We made
Everything out of nothing and were the closest
We ever came to what most search for
In this life. But when it came time to letting
Go of the warm hands that ran cold,
Letting go was a friend I never knew
And so was the friend I released
Into the wind passing by that made my
Own heart shiver in the empty space in my chest
Where all I knew once was. And all I have
Learned, now is. But I held on long after saying goodbye,
Because that goodbye was easy, it was the hello
That tore the world apart. My blood
Crimson red turned cold, run dry by hope
That is now gone. I never intended on letting go,
And I hope you never did as well.
I never broke a heart with such a pitch black
Future in mind. So why would you lie
And say we would have a chance, when
All you should have said was these
Past five months don’t matter, and
Everything we had is gone.
We are no
Longer friends, nor acquaintances like we
Were from the start, But if I knew that from you
That all I’d learn was a lesson on letting go
Then all I’d know is that this cold dark
September is the aftermath of a storm.
They call love a risk, I’m sorry you lost
But I lost right there beside you, because
In the end of the world all that matters is love,
And if friendship isn’t that, then I’ve lied to
You from the start, but I loved you the best I could.
You just need to know that.

It was whatever I wanted to say to him when we weren't talking and he hated me because I told him I loved him when I didn't. But now we just pretend we were never best friends which is a bitch when all I do is remember why I wrote that poem in the first place.

G'night
Jasey Ray

"Sunday Drive" The Early November

Hi

So no Sunday Drive concert tonight :[

Sowwy :[
Jasey Ray

"Calender Days" The Rocket Summer

Hi

So I whipped out my handy dandy calender for "Perfect Kisses" and was looking at the dates. I highlighted all of the important events and I was shocked to find we're already in June with them! That means only one thing! Sunday Drive's going to be in two weeks. And you know what(?) I have another little twist coming up. Which I think you'll like.

But I'm really inspired right now. I've cut down like ten chapters I think. Which is massive! Hah. I'm feeling pretty happy right now. I'm blasting Ace Enders and singing at th top of my lungs while writing like a crazy person.

Sunday Drive today possibly? But I'm going to go through the original and see if I need to add anything.

Peace

Jasey Ray

"This Is Me" The Rocket Summer

Hi

I have guitar today so I'll update mroe later. So 've been singing and playing guitar all day and everything. I've been listening to so much acoustic stuff it ain't funny.

But I have to say the first posting day is an Epic Fail so far. I'll have a chapter up tonight but once I get reviews I can't stop and once I have chapters I can't stop. So I'll set up three days before Posting Day on Saturday next week to get together some updates. Sunday Drive Show is coming up Are You Stoked?!!!?

I think myself quoting bands non-stop. I depressed myself in Health by talking about the death of Hawthorne Heights guitarist Casey Calvert (RIP <3) who died the greatest night of my life. The first night I ever felt infinite.

But I'm going to be back on air in a few hours. I'll try and do three updates. All Paul Spinella and what not. Woot!

Jasey Ray

"Title and Registration" Death Cab For Cutie

Hi

So people on my bus generally must think I'm a scary emo freak. This girl looked at me like a creep all busride. I was watching Death Cab for Cutie's "Title and Registration" from Transatlanticism. You might not think it's to bad, but watch it and you'll see. I think it's a pretty beast video. All that girl was doing was texting Tom G. about her friend and shit. What does she know about beast music videos.

I've been belting Demi Lovato all afternoon. I might cover it for the Talent show. I got my slip the other day and I'm thinking that or "Umbrella" but I'm thinking "This is Me" is pretty good. And/or some of my emo selections.

But I almsot posted a chapter but I'm saving it for Posting Day tomorrow. Tomorrow Posting Day is merely a test drive.

I listened to Secondhand Serenade. "Stay Close, Don't Go" is totally a BennettxElisa song. And I found another one. "Stranger" by Mr. Secondhand Serenade too. BennettxElisa too. I thik a lot of his songs are BennettxElisa. But I found a RainiexPaul one in "Fall For You."

But I was rocking some older selections too. Mayday Parade is a great break-up song. And also I've been rocking The Scene Aesthetic. Listen to "Beauty in the Breakdown" by the Scene Aesthetic. I might play that song too for the talent show.

As you can see all I can think about is this freaking talent show. OOOOOF.
Jasey Ray

Ps. I think everyone is going to like the next chapter in "Perfect kisses"
Sneak peak: Caroline and the Spinella Household

"Love's Not Competition" Paramore (Cover)

Hi

So I've mentioned me new story probably told you about it. I'll say at all again. ith names this time. So Kody is seventeen and attmepts suicide. He is saved by 20-year-old Anthony who is into drugs alcohol an everything Kody isn't but decides to take up. Athony takes Kody under his wing for the summer and they become close. Kody's taught how to live by the guy who saved him. Then in September Kody finds out Anthony has stomach cancer. And has five months left to live.

It's not cheesy. It doesn't involve a girl falling in love and finding out who she is or helping another couple end up together. It's sad. And it's soemthing I can't stop myself from writing.

I'm researching stomach cancer right now. Oof.

Jasey Ray

"Ever So Sweet" The Early November

Hi

New chapter up. I have a lot in store. I'm going to go research fatal illnesses now. Peace

Jasey Ray

"The Test" The Academy Is...

Hi

You may not live in Mass. but we have a shitty test called the MCAS and we have to spen like two hours a doy for thre econsecutive dyas doing a stupid test teachers teach us for. It's gay. I hate it! Blech.

I read the book Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen and I loved it. One of my favorites. I'm rereading This Lullaby because I never knew Scarlett was in it too. So I'm uber-excited. And I'll get to it. It inspires me to write cheesy stories. But I've realized that the boys I make up are always too nice. (Minus Dave->Nathan). Like Paul and Bennett (and every other guy character) are all too freaking nice.

But I'm reading a book about a girl with leukemia which is pumping me up for my untitled piece which I've been writing to Brand New playlists and going god-damned crazy about now.

Posting day is a little off. I'll have Posting day on Saturday this week maybe? My computer was shut off so we didn't get a virus.

So maybe even tonight who knows?
JaseyRay