"Body Like Mind" Ace Enders

Hi

So I write in school as you know. And I wrote this really disturbing thing and was reading it in silent reading oof. It's the new story. I just got it out of my system one night.

I opened my eyes.

The bright lights blinded me, and my first thought: Was I in heaven? I didn't think Heaven felt this thin. I felt needles in my arm, prickly as if my arm were asleep. My head hurt like hell too. And suddenly I heard choking but I wasn't moving. Was this Hell? Was I hearing my death? My gasping? My sad pathetic death?

I didn't know how I could have died. But suddenly my eyes focused. My pupils expanding and moving away from the light. My head a piece of brick meeting another and pounding against it. I closed my eyes. Hoping all of this would go away. The numbness. I was numb all over. My body was just numb. All I felt was the light, cold on my skin and the numbness and the needles.

When my eyes forced themselves open again I realized I was still here. Still alive. The lights were above me. White and cold. The needles in my arms were real. I felt like a machine. I was a robot. And the choking. The gasping. It was my mother. Wailing and sobbing into my hand. My hand remained numb and prickly catching her tears. The salt water. Like ocean water, made me wince.

* * *

Hearing it was a new thing. Hearing what happened. I didn't know what happened. So I had to hear it from someone else. And I heard it from a lot of people. But the first time really stuck. I took Xanex. A lot of it. And then I slit my wrists.

But I listened to Sherman talking. Beside me was the kid who saved me. He was older. He had a little bit of a beard growing and he had intense green eyes. He looked twenty or so. A little over maybe. I swallowed catching glances of him. They told me he called the ambulance and guessed drugs and then my wrists. Saying it was suicide. Which it was confirmed by everyone was true. I never did myself. But they guessed well without me saying anything.

I haven't spoken in two weeks. I was meetign with Sherman in silence. And they brought the kid in for me to apologize and tell him everything they knew. I didn't even know his name. I wasn't listening. He didn't know mine either. But he listened. I never heard his voice either.

Sherman finished. And then the kid stopped. "You forgot some stuff." He said. His voice was weird. It was higher than I would think. It had this element to it like I could swallow it. Like he was singing and it made me want to sing too. But it was far from singing. It was weird. Something about it.

"What?" Sherman asked confused. He doesn't like being told he was wrong.

"He was crawling towards the ocean."

And I froze. I was crawling otwards the ocean? Why was I? I was dying. I didn't like to be in the ocean alive. The water salty and heavy would drag me under into it's mouth. It's tongue licking the shore ready to swallow me. A small snack not big enough for it's thirst. It's hunger. What was I doing then?

I am looking into reading another book. Picking up on little things for something else in this. This might go on FanFiction I just think it's not really a Sarah Dessen type. It's a little darker. And too much for love-loving kids. It'll probably go along with my other story. "The Riot" becuase they are really similar. And sort of "alternative." I'll blend these characters a lot with those.

I didn't mean to post that much of it but I couldn't help myself.

Jasey Ray