"A Letter From Janelle" Chiodos

Hi

Here's a fun thing I came up with. I liked it, so I decided to write it. It's sort of in a series of "What ifs..."

Setting: Night of Rainie's Car Accident

Rainie's POV

I was driving to their house. There was one more night before they left Elisa alone. And not only that I wanted to see Paul. I couldn't fight this anymore. It was something I couldn't hide from anymore. I took a left and turned. There weren't many cars around.

I'm helplessly and hopelessly in love with Paul Spinella. I can't live without him. I want to make love to him every night he's with me. I want to listen to Oasis without worrying about pills or anything. I want to fight with him till morning. I want to be hisfoeer. I don't want to see ihm lvoe anyone else. I can't love anyone besides him. He's the love of my life. My true love. I love him more than life. I would rather die than live another minute without him knowing how in love I am with him.

I reached an intersection. I paused looking at the red light. It turned green in three seconds, and I went forward. Suddenly seeing a pair of headlights. I turned my head and say them. Bright and stinging my eyes.

I remembered perfect kisses. Disposible cameras. Oasis. Smashing Pumpkins. Sunday Drive. What it felt like the first time we made love. The first time I said I loved him. The million and one times I said it afterwards. The shows I went to, to see him play the music he loved. The nights I slept in his ars. And the nights I wished he was there to hold me. I thoguht aobut the one night stands. I though of how perfect kisses led to just one night stands. I wanted to be in love with him forever. I wanted him to know that.

Paul, I love you.

Elisa's POV

I lay there, my head agaisnt his chest listening ot his chest. I was falling asleep. I felt my skin against his and my heart in sync with his. I loved him so much. He kissed my forehead. "I love you so much." He said softly.

"I love you too."

The phone rang. And we ignored it. Paul was blasting music in the next room not even listening to it. The phone kept ringing. They kept calling. I got up, sighing. "No," Bennett said. "Stay, they'll leave a message."

"I'll be right back," I said. I put my clothes on. And walked out to the kitchen. It was Rainie's mother. Or her step-mother. I hope she knew Rainie wasn't here. At least this meant she wasn't there. She was probably at her friends house. I answered the phone. "Hello?" I said.

"Elisa?" Her voice shook.

"Hi Mrs. Joseph," I said. "If you're looking for Rainie she's probably at Jessicah's house." I smiled.

There was a sound. "No," She said softly. "I'm not looking for her." There was a sound. She took a breathe. The muffled sound filled my ear. I was confused.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

There was another pause. "She," There was another breathe. "She got into a car accident. They don't think she's... she's not going to make it."

I never felt sometihn like this. I felt my knees buckle and I fell. And leaned back agaisnt the refridgerator. I felt like I was out of breathe. I started crying. Rainie. And of all people I thought of Paul. I swallowed. "Mrs. Joseph," I said softly. I choked back a sob. "You need to tell Paul, I can't."

Bennett showed up. He looked at me. "Tell Paul what?" He said. "Elisa what happened?" Hemust have seen the tears glistening on my face. The pain in my body shaking me. The music died and I heard Paul's door open.

"What's up?" He called down the hall.

I handed the phone to Bennett. "Give this to him." I said softly.

Bennett's POV

I handed the phone to Paul. He took it looking at me funny. We both knew something was wrong. Something bad. Elisa was sobbing in the kitchen. Her sobs bitter and striking. He put it to his ear. "Hello?" He said. There was a pause. "Hi."

There was nothing like seeing someone die inside. I never saw it before. Until now. There was a long pause. Paul listening. His eyes normal. And then in a split second he was dead inside. Completely dead. I never saw him cry before. I didn't think it was possible. But he did. Tears rolled down his eyes. He swallowed. And hung up. He turned around walking into his room. He got his keys and cut past me.

His car started and I waked slowly to Elisa. It was Rainie. I knew it was. I looked at my love lying on the floor sobbing. I pulled her up and held her. Words weren't coming out. "What can I do?" I asked softly.

She choked down a sob letting out a few words. "Take me to the hospital."

"Okay," I said. I still didn't know what happened and I knew well I was the only way she could get to the hospital so I didn't want to. I got into the car and drove as she cried more beside me.

Anna's POV

I sat there beside her. Tears rolling out of my eyes. I looked at her lying there. Her face perfect and beautiful. Pale and slim and gorgeous. She was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Even now. She looked so serene. Her eyes sealed. Her hands cold and unmoving. She was gone. She was a body with a machine keeping it functioning.

And even now she was more beautiful than anyone I'd ever known.

I was crying. She was my sister no matter what. The big sister who I met on drugs and last saw crying about a guy who broke her heart two years ago. I didn't know what happened. Or where she was going. But she was going somewhere. And we'd never know.

My mother came in sitting down across from me. The light flickering above her. She was pale and gone. She was already in heaven or hell, but I don't think heaven would pass up someone as beauiful as she was. Or is.

"I'm not letting her go without Paul here." She said softly.

I nodded. "I know." I said. Rebecca wasso scared of Rainie. And Jake was with my dad with Rebecca. Caitlyn was across the country with her friend in Florida.

They said Rainie wasn't coming back. They said she was gone already, Taking her off life support was the last step. And my mother refused to. She needed Paul here. And somehow we all agreed. We needed him here. And Elisa. And Bennett.

But I wasn't letting her go without him here. I knew he was the only way she'd ever come back to us. We weren't going to let her go without him here. He needed to see her last mechanical breathes.

I knew when she left she'd be with her mother. The only person who she loved even half as much as she loved Paul. It was sad to see how fate unraveled. She lost her mother. And then she found Paul and lost him. She spiraled down to the sam fate as her mother.

I turned and saw him. His eyes were worn from crying. He wasn't allowed to cry. He had to be the strong one. He had to be the one to keep her together. Keep her soulwith the body being fed life through a machine.

Caitlyn's POV

Anna came out and my mother. They shut the door and we waited. I held Anna who started sobbing. Paul was there with her. He needed to be there. He was her only reason to stay.

Paul's POV

The room was cold. And I looked at her. My high school sweet-heart. The love of my life. I wanted to die so she wasn't alone or waiting for me. I wasn't going to love anyone else. I didn't care. I wanted to curl up and die beside her. I wanted to go back to being 18 and tell myself she was going to die if you don't ever let her go.

I was too late. But I wanted so badly not to be.

She was pale. Her skin white. And her eyes bare and her face natural. She was beautiful. I started crying. And I didn't want to be alone. I needed her. I swallowed. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't want you to know I'm crying. I can't help it."

She didn't answer. But I could almsot here her laugh. Soft and beautiful shaking the shaking from my bones. "Paul, you're such a baby sometimes. Come here. I'll hold you together this time." She'd say. But she just sleeps through it.

I sat down and touched her hand. Small and once warm was freezng cold. I moved it away. The coldness burned my skin. But I couldn't let her see this. So I took her hand with both of mine hoping I could warm them. They remained limp. I squeezed it. And she didn't squeeze my hand back. I started crying again.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I need you Rain. Don't go. I can't be alone for the rest of my life. I need you so bad. I love you so much. I never stopped. I can't. I can't live without you. I don't have a reason to without you." I swallowed. "I need you to be okay, Rain. I need you to hold on, I need you so badly."

She didn't answer. I got up and kissed her forhead. I kissed her face everywhere. Her cheeks her eyes. Her ears. Her nose. I wanted her to laugh. "Paul, stop. That tickles." But no. She sleeps through it.

I kiss her neck. My lisp finding the hickey I left a week ago faded and almost gone. I kissed her collar bones and then I dared to kiss her lips. They remained cold. Not kissing mine back. Her seet lips were cold and hard. I was kissing granite. I was kissing nothing. She had finally turned to ivoy. The stone that matched her skin.

"Rain," I said softly. "Come back. Please. I love you so much. I'm not ready for a goodbye. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want you back. I want to love you forever. Don't give up. Please. I need you. You can't leave Elisa alone. You can't leave your parents or anyone. Your mother's always going ot be waiting. I can't wait a whole life to be with you. I need you so badly. Rain."

Queenie's POV

We let everyone go in one by one. Paul just sat there. His eyes marbles. He didn't want to say goodbye. And last it was his turn. We stood outside and cried. Bennett held Elisa as she sobbed. And we all waited. It was an hour. And finally he opened the door. We stood around her. A halo around her bed. The most beautiful complicated girl I've ever seen.

She grew up an stayed forever young. We'll play that at her funeral I thought. And I realized we had to have a funeral. And suddenly. We all watched. The doctor coming in and asking us if we were letting her go.

We all nodded.

There was a silence and we watched Paul. His hand on the switch. He paused, leaning down and kissing her forehead and whispered into her ear something. And then slowly he kissed her lips. Pressing his to hers softly. So softly

Paul's POV

She talked about thins once. Saying it made hr fee so alive when I kissed her a certain way. A soft gentl way. Like our first kiss and the one that made her look at me and stare at me and I saw her fall in lvoe with me throguh her beautiful eyes I'd never see again.

I gave her a perfect kiss.

Rebecca Joseph's POV

I watched over her. She was standing outside of them. Watching sudenly seeing Paul. Kissing her lips. she coud feel it I knew. And she watched as he moved gently back and looked at her one more time. He flipped the switch and she whispered, barely audible, my baby, my little Rain. "I love you."

3rd Person

The room was full of people listening to the step mother talk about the girl. The poor girl who died too young. Always seventeen and young forever. They played forever young as a young man walked up to the podium. He stood there and looked at the room. "She hates this song." He said suddenly. "I'm sorry, but I should have said this earlier. This is her least favorite song she's ever heard."

The room laugehd a little. And they listened to this young man tlaking about how beautiful he tohught she was and how he fell in lvoe at age 18 and never stopped loving her. How he's never going ot love anyone as much again. How he wished there had been a way tosave her. How beautiful she was and how incredbile she was. How much love she had to give and how she said a million ties she cave it all to him.

How he always let her win and always held er together until he made the mistake of breakign up with her. And how they had one month. And fell back in love with her, he did. And how he said nothign he needed to when she was barely alive an how he wished he could say he loved her one more time. And how he can't believe she's... gone.

This young man was there when they buried her. And when she was put ot rest. And nobody was left dry-eyed after his speech because nobody knows how to say goodbye like a first love. And he never felt so much pain in his being. And never did he express it so well.

Rainie Joseph died on March 19. The day, this young man said, they met. And from there fell in love. And they'll be in love forever. Because he said she'd never die. She's too stubborn. And that she would hopefully be waiting for him.

And he touced the coffin. Whispering one more time he loved her. And that he'd never stop. Because love is eternal. And first love never dies.

I said this was fun. I had to stop twice because I started sobbing. I never had this much emotion. I'll only write happy things now. I never cried this much. These are jsut characters and I never cried so much over a book before in my life.

I need to listen to happy music. I never cry becuase of my writing. I stopped feeling the same butterlflies I used to when I wrote perec kisses or anything like that. My shirt front is soaked with my own tears.

Love Always
Jasey Ray