"Picture in th Paper" New Amsterdams

Hi

So I did three updates today. I feela cold coming on. Oof. And in the midst of it all I still feel a need to write. I'm going to make Wednesday this week Posting Day. So I'll hopefully have a few updates. I made a sectio of my story "The Riot" into a short story for a contest. I won't win probably but maybe. Who knows.

I'm going to practice some more tunes this weekend and work on bettering myself. I need to figure out who I want to be and see if I can make some friends. I just wish there was a way to hang out wih your friends and nto spend money. I'm broke. I have nothing. Can't ask parents for money so all I do is sit at home with my guitar and listen to music till my eardrums rot some more.

I'm tired. Damn I can't wait till I can drive. Damn I can't wait till I actually have friends. Everythign costs money. Jesuschrist.

So tomorrow I'm going to be listening to the Get Up Kids a lot. I talk about them a lot I've realized. I wish I could see them. So good. Melt my heart everytime I hear Something to Write Home About.

So Ist depressing poetry tomorrow of something I wrote about my last best friend that wasn't related to me. Well my last real best friend. He and I still talk but I stumbled upon it today. It's sad. Actually I'll post it now.

A Lesson on Letting Go

Life teaches lessons that can’t be won
By any man, or hero, or villain
We learn them by losing on our own. I learned how
To truly let go, and to let what was once my own
Become a memory that becomes a dream,
Only brought up by distance, and when
The past reappears. We were friends, we
Were trust in it’s star white glow.
We were all that was admired like
Strangers that have always been known,
Only because we were strangers and long
Lost friends. We walked hand in hand
And together through flames and silence
And everything in the middle. We made
Everything out of nothing and were the closest
We ever came to what most search for
In this life. But when it came time to letting
Go of the warm hands that ran cold,
Letting go was a friend I never knew
And so was the friend I released
Into the wind passing by that made my
Own heart shiver in the empty space in my chest
Where all I knew once was. And all I have
Learned, now is. But I held on long after saying goodbye,
Because that goodbye was easy, it was the hello
That tore the world apart. My blood
Crimson red turned cold, run dry by hope
That is now gone. I never intended on letting go,
And I hope you never did as well.
I never broke a heart with such a pitch black
Future in mind. So why would you lie
And say we would have a chance, when
All you should have said was these
Past five months don’t matter, and
Everything we had is gone.
We are no
Longer friends, nor acquaintances like we
Were from the start, But if I knew that from you
That all I’d learn was a lesson on letting go
Then all I’d know is that this cold dark
September is the aftermath of a storm.
They call love a risk, I’m sorry you lost
But I lost right there beside you, because
In the end of the world all that matters is love,
And if friendship isn’t that, then I’ve lied to
You from the start, but I loved you the best I could.
You just need to know that.

It was whatever I wanted to say to him when we weren't talking and he hated me because I told him I loved him when I didn't. But now we just pretend we were never best friends which is a bitch when all I do is remember why I wrote that poem in the first place.

G'night
Jasey Ray