Hi
I love riding the bus. It's weird. I like just sitting there by myself and looking out the window playing songs I totally fall into. It's great. Once I was so into the music- Jimmy Eat World "night Drive" -I was just walking off when this kid's head literally smashes into my back. I don't talk on the bus. It jsut picks me up and drops me off. No word nothing. I'm no longer addressed by my busdriver either. And the first words I said on that bus (becuase I switch buses in the afternoon, this is bus 3) I say/andoryell whichever you pick "What the Hell?" at the jerk whose head slammed into my back breaking my from my Jimmy Eat World emmersed moment.
But anyway! I write soem of my favorite parts in my head on the bus. One of my favorite PaulxRainie scenes in "Last Place" was written becuase I had a feeling people were thinking they were going to break up. So I thought it up, and was like "YES!!!!" and scurried home and posted that chapter which is one of my favorite parts written on impulse ever. Never thoguht out much until that day.
So today is a Remember Maine day for me. Which always get's me a little Bennett crazy. But whenever I get into Remember Maine phases it goes onto an exploration of Early Academy Is... aka The Academy. And then right on along with the records and EPs and what not. Which I'm happy about, BUT it only means one thing- I'll be more inspired to write my "Last Place" rewrite, which I am on page 2 in my word dosument and about 14 pages of just notes in my new notebook I write in religiously at school. Which I am slightly embarrassed about.
Because: when I was in fifth and fourth grade I'd bring my notebooks to recess with me. I never wrote I just had them. And they'd get passed around at lunch. And everyone would read them. It was slightly and incredibly embarrassing to me now. But then it just made me feel cool.
I hate saying this but I am incredibly embarrassed of my writing. Especially the fact that I post stuff on a website called "FanFiction." Now this expirience has changed my life. But I am scared of what people are going to say when I wlak into school and talk about my stories. I do sometimes slip up and complain about how I need to post a new chapter or list that as in my to-do list at school. My closest friends don't even know about it. Just the kids I'm in classes with. And they ask me "What are you posting and update for?" or "What are you talking about?"
I'm the english chick. I've had two of my past papers up on the overhead in English since my teach decided to start doing "Open Response Bloopers" and by now everyone knows what I'm writing and even the negative I-hate-english kid says my papers were too good for him to write. I'm not proud of this. My mother wants to read all my papers now and everyone looks at me. But I am only like this because of FanFiction and my writing on there. I've grown so much as a writer and a person it's almsot strange. My life without FanFiction is like losing half of myself.
I basically live a double life. I go from being dorky-musicobsessed-Erin to this person I don't show anyone really. My voice on paper is so different from the person my friends know. They don't get my art or why I go to the artroom every chance I have. I mean, I'm lucky to have a moment or two when I can go into a class and just release my thought and my world onto paper or let my creative self out. I like a place where I don't have control and everythign spills out.
In school it's in my favorite classes and English papers. At home it's my room and my computer. Those are some of my favorite places. But my absolute is the busride home. Where I'm just alone, with something to focus on, and nothing to do. And it's just me and the music I love and 75% of the student body at my school hates. And 90% of them don't know. It's jsut me and my creativity and my mind.
"I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really liek to be." - Holden Catcher in the Rye
I'll stop quoting JD Salinger. But my suggestion to you is to go out and find this book called The Perks of Being a Wallflower read it and I think you might understand who I always will be on the inside.
Love Always,
Jasey Ray
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Okay, I‘m writing this in a word doc because I know my comment is gonna be really long and I dun want to accidentally press the back button and go crazy again. Which I still hate my self for. D;
Okay. I hate bus rides in the afternoon cause its so loud and crazy and I sit next to this girl and her name is also Christina so I’m also turning my head to people who are calling out her name and I’m like. Gah. I dun ride the bus in the afternoon anymore. XD
But I like it in the morning. Cause I sit by myself. Kinda. My friends sit in the seat behind me but they’re pretty quiet too. Sometimes they like whack the back of my head and I whack them back. And then we’re done. But I listen to my iPod and daydream. I daydream a lot. Its distracting. I also noticed that my daydreaming been different. They’re all like about music lover couples cause my mind is being influenced by you. Haha. But seriously all the couples that I make up (Yeah. I daydream about random people I make up and not me. XD) are like the exact copies of Rainie&Paul/Elisa&Bennett. I want to write about it. But I suck and its not original. Lmao
And weee. I love Remember Maine -- or I’m liking him. And lmao. He totally reminds me of Bennett and I’m like kdfsdfssaa. More daydreaming. And he totally wrote a song about Texas. XD
And weee. I seriously can’t wait for the Last Place rewrite. I think the only reason I love Bennett&Elisa more than Rainie&Paul is because I actually followed Last Place for awhile from the kindabeginning to the end and it had all the suspension and me screaming, “Hallelujah!”
And aha I like notebooks for some reason. I never like use it but I like all the pretty ones at Target and stuff. I have one that I ordered in 5th grade with my flower pastel thing on it and I hadn’t written in it because I’m afraid to ruin it.
But I understand when people read/look at your stuff and they’re like, “Whoa this is amazing.” My friends would do that to me with my projects/papers/whatever and I’m like, “YOU LIE.” I’m never proud of my stuff. Or my “creative” stuff. I’m only proud when I write essays or get good grades and stuff. Ahaaa. I fail.
And aha. Me and Photoshop is like life. I like art. But I like digital art. I spend like 70% of my computer time Photoshopping. And like 99.9% of my life is computer. So yeah. My life is an epic fail. And yeah uh, my favorite place is being on the interweb. ;3
I seen this girl that always wear awesome band-tees and I wanna like “chat” with her about music but I’m too shy. I don’t think I ever I talked with anyone about music except when I say, “I hate that song.” or “I love that song.”
And I’ll try to find that book at the library. I don’t even have a library card (oh yes, I fail as a bookworm too. XD). But I’ll get one just for you. And my mom because she been nagging me to get once since …forever.
God. This is indeed a long comment. But I dunno why. Your blog posts always make me want to write out my thoughts and stuff. But at least I kinda stayed on topic. xD
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