"Sowing Season (Yeah)" Brand New

Hi

So I wrote this a while ago. It's in Paul's POV and I decided to post it on my little break here.

Paul's POV

I was standing behind her in the Quick-E Mart. I looked at her. Each movement she made the bones in her elbow shifted. I thought suddenly it couldn't be her. She was never this skinny. But suddenly she turned walking out. Her face. I felt a shock. Chills running through me. I paid for my gas. "Can I have a pack of Marlboros?" I said taking out some money.

The kid rang up those too. I looked out and saw her waiting. On the curb just standing there. Waiting for me. We haven't talked in a month and a half. I've seen her. Not lately though. I saw small changes in her when I used to see her everywhere. How she smiled less and just stood there. Always having something in her hands at parties with alcohol in it. And it was probably never beer.

I paid walking out standing next to her. I took out a cigarette and started to light it. I felt her eyes on me. Scared to look up. Not because I knew I would still feel the rush I did before she broke up with me, but not wanting to know if they changed. I took in a drag. The smoke calming my shaking stomach. Like it did the night this whole thing started.

I sat down on the curb. She paused. Looking down at me. I felt her eyes. And finally I looked at her. She was a skeleton. Her face pale and thin. There was nothing to her anymore. In this short period of time she was down to nothing. "I thought you quit smoking." She said. Her voice the same. It made my heart pick up speed. But it was already fast. She was a ghost. She terrfied me.

"I've had a lot going on," I said. I looked forward. Into the street.

"Me too," She said. "Can I have one?"

Then suddenly I looked at her. Her hand was stretched out to me. This skeleton wanted a cigarette. Her eyes were marbles. Glass and hard and fake. She wasn't Rain. This couldnt' be her. I swallowed. How did this happen to her? "What happened?" I asked suddenly outloud.

She looked at mel ike I was stupid. "Nothing," She said defensivly. "I just want a fucking cigarette."

And I froze. Her voice it changed. Spike. Harsh and hard. "To us," I said. "What happened to us?"

I felt weak. I was holding on so hard. I loved her. I always did. She stared at me blankly. Like I was a stranger. Asking her what's up. I looked down insecure. She was a skeleton. She was death. "I've gone over this a million times in my head." I said. "Nothing went wrong. I don't know what happened. You... jsut left me."

And she gritted her teeth. "We wanted different things." She said.

I shook my head. "No," I was fightign desperatly. I needed her back. I'd take her back as this ghost. As anything. I jsut needed her. Any part of her. "I just wanted to be with you."

She looked forward. Out into the street. Ending the conversation. I hated whatever took her away from herself. And then suddenly I needed anything. This was hurting so bad. I wanted to fight back. And suddenly I said something. "I heard about you and Bennett." I took in a drag.

She looked at me. "What did you hear?" She asked.

I exhaled all the smoke I had in me. "That you're sleeping with him." I said.

"Do you believe it?" She asked.

I looked at her. "Yes," I said. It was true. I've seen them together. Leaving parties going upstairs coming down them. The proof was lyign in front of me.

"We just drink together." She said. "That's it."

She didn't seem effected by this. It was like saying the weather. I swallowed looking at her. I thought of all the hows and whys. And then suddenly I remembered the last time I saw her like this. She was tlaking about her mother. So I figured it was a fair shot. "Is this about your letter not coming?" I asked.

And her face changed. It flickered back to the old Rain. The one that was innocent. So complicated and perfect. Everything about her unjudgable and random. And then she went back to the skeleton she was a few seconds ago. She shook her head and got up. "I can't do this." She snapped. And she started walking away. Leaving me there with my burning cigarette and gettign into her car and vanishing.

I still loved her. That fucked everything up even more.

* * *

I walked into the party. The room was full of people. And everythign in my world seemed ot by numb. I kept walking. Not getting a beer or anything. I was slipping in and out of conversations. I couldn't get that image of her. A skeleton, a ghost out of my head. It hurt to know thats whats happened to her.

Lauren was across the room. Waving to me. I lifted my hand. And then suddenly someone bumped into me. Or walked into me. People were looking. I turned a little, and she fell against me. Collapsing. She shook gently. Crying. I held her tight. Taking in the feel of her and the smell of her skin. It smell like acidic rain. It wasn't the same, but she was here. In my arms.

"Rainie," I looked up it was Bennett. Of all people. The prick.

"What did you do?" I asked. She held onto me. Her arms fitting around me. Clinging. I didn't want to let go. I never would.

The kid paused. Looking me in the eyes. Looking at Rainie. And then back at me. "I tried to get her to sleep with me."

The next thign I know the feeling of her in my arms was gone. My fist connected with something. I haven't hit someone in a while. I did once in Middle School and got suspended. But I hit him perfectly in the eyes with one swing. He crumbled. And kids started yelling. But I felt the aching in my hand. And suddenly I realized she was gone. Slipped away somehow.

My best guess was away from here. Out. So I went to the door and walked out. Seeing her car leaving. I made it to the lawn. "Rain!" She kept driving. And I reamined there. Watching her. I rubbed the joints in my hand. They ached more.

And suddenly the door opened behind me and I turned. The last person I expected was there.

I looked down and turned around to look at him. I realized it didn't make sense. She would have slept with him probably. Not that I like knowing that. But she would have. And suddenly I felt bad. "I'm sorry, dude." I said.

He was gripping his face. He winced when he moved his hand away. "It's fine." He said.

I looked at the street. "You didn't try to get her to sleep with you." I said. He opened his mouth. "I know."

And he closed it. "She got upset," He said. "She needs you. I can't try and be you anymore."

I paused lookign at him. "Why would you be me?" I asked. I was confused. It didn't make sense.

He winced again. "I stopped drinking about a month ago. She says your name a lot and talks about you all the time when she's smashed. When it's really late she calls me your name sometimes. I told her that and she got upset and ran away."

I nodded.

"Do you know where she is?" He asked.

"A good guess," I said. I looked at him. "I'm sorry."

He moved his hand away checking for blood. "You played sports right?"

I paused. "Yeah,"

"You must've been nasty at boxing."

I smiled. Opening my motuh to talk again.

"See you," Bennett said and he turned around going back into the house.

I looked back at the street she went down. I figured my guess of where she was was pretty accurate. So I went to go find Rain. Hoping she wasn't gone forever.

I never brought up that little confrontation between Paul and Bennett. It's a little secret thing. I don't know whether or not I should. Maybe in "Last Place" or possibly in "Perfect Kisses" maybe in both.

Peace. I'll be making shirts and blasting all the new stuff I bought on iTunes.
JCRAY