"Ashala Rock" The Early November

Hi

So I've been unintentionally listening to every interview of The Starting Line and discovered they were once named Sunday Drive. Which made me think: Hah! Yes! There was a band called Sunday Drive that didn't suck (sorry to the band that is :\).

The reaosn I am who I am is because of the band The Early November. They broke up and I didn't feel the hit until a year later. And I bought my first Early November record and I watched it right when I was gettign depressed over them braking up. And like many music fans I became bitter. I hated Ace Enders (frontman and my now idol) and blamed him for them braking up. And when I started writing "The Last Place You Look" I had about three Early November records out of their four in all of their career. And I was still feeling really depressed about it. And so I thought up a band, naming it after a song by The Early November ("Sunday Drive" For All This/The Acoustic EP) and planned to have them brake up.

Sunday Drive was to me originally The Early November as a character in my book of sorts. But the main song I talked about in both stories was the song that in Rainie's POV "killed me." That song was actually inspired by a Brand New song. I got a lot of my inspiration for Rainie and Paul from this one Brand New song. It's called "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" and unlike most songs that inspired that story, it spoke to me from both of their points of view.

But the epic Sunday Drive song that "killed" Rainie was inspired by "Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New. And it's basically my favorite song ever. But I'll get into that later. Not now. Because I have a little gift for you. As I write to keep you calm and collected.

But listen ot The Early November. I suggest "1000 Times A Day" from their last record The Mother, The Mechanic and The Path. It was the osng that changed my life and I plan it to be my wedding song.

A story about a Song: I dated this kid for about three months. We were best friends and I thought I liked him and he "loved" me but I couldn't feel about him that way. So eventually we broke up. But when I was "head over heels" for the kid I was planning to show him "1000 Times A Day" by The Early November. For some reason I didn't. And I decided until I love a boy and he doesn't know that song or knows it and never brings it us, I won't play it ever for a boy. But when he comes along I'll show it to him unless he's an ass and listens to crap. Then I won't bother. That's one of my cheesy plans for the future. I have a dozen or so planned to go along with my lifetime.

* * *

Part One

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in a bug feild of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around- nobody, big, I mean- except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazt cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff- I mean if they're running and they don't look where they are going I have to come from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

I read this first when I moved here to Kerrignton. When I was just Bennett. The new kid. The boy who showed up out of nowhere. Who was just a lame nobody. With one mother and no father. Who did nothing but sit and be there. And somehow got a girl in two weeks. When I read it, like mostly everything else in the world to me, it made no sense. That one thought was crazy to me back then.

But now it makes more sense to me. It makes perfect sense actually.

Having read this book so many time I know it by heart. Each beat, word, it's like the ABC's for me. That's why Sean gives me such a hard time about reading it for school again. "Why the hell would you read that thing over again?"

Why not?

But I'm reading it for a reason now. Something more than it's my favorite book and a simple stupid answer I give anyone who asks. After these past few weeks, I'm reading it for that one passage. So it makes sense to me again.

So sometihng will finally make sense to me again. But reading it then doesn't do the trick this time. I mean, nothing's ever set in stone, but I relied on this moment to make everything fit in place for once after everything. The bell rings and still nothing happens.

And I get up. Becoming Bennett Williams like I always do. The halls staring at me. And I hate it. I hate everything. I don't listen. I tune the world out. I'm good at that by now.

I became Bennett Williams three months after movign here. The first three months always sound like they were easy. And they weren't. I had to deal with everyone. All of these people pretending to be my friends. And all of these girls pretending they were better than each other. And the world making no sense. I made through them with the triumpant limp I inherited from my parent's divorce.

The divroce was long and messy. Screaming. Yelling. Fighting. I was fifteen. what did I know about any of that? I had a good idea of it though. My dad isn't a bad person. He's just not worth worrying about and anything like that. He's fine on his own. I'm with my mother because she needs me. And in some ways I need her too.

But on the third motnh I was sitting quietly. Fucking up the first relationship of my life and not knowing my losing streak would continue even when I almost was in the realitonship I always hoped for. I fucked that up too. But this kid was listening to the radio at the end of class.

This good song came on and everyone groaned. I looked at the boy who was singing along with it nodding his head. "What is this?"

He looked at me. Like I lived under a rock. "Dashboard Confessional." He said.

"Oh."

"You've never heard them before?"

I shook my head.

"Well, I'm Sean," He stuck his hand out. "I'll help you out of the rok you're living under, kid."

And six months later I was Bennett Williams. I his my growth spurt over the summer and shot up. I was tall and skinny. And my clothes exposed that to everyone. I wore tight jeans and band shirts. I was Bennett Williams. And soon everyone stared at me. They never stopped. Then I hear it: "How's Rainie Joseph, fag?"

Not good.

~~~~

Her name is Rainie. I met her one night. She came up to me and said she liked my music. And talked to me about it. The thing that sets her apart from any girl that has boys staring at her and falling for her left and right is that she's beautiful.

She almost dated Sean. I didn't want her too but they liked each other. But for some reason I got the hint someone else was there. Competing for her same as Sean. And I was right. His name is Paul Spinella. And after one month, you could tell, he was head over heels in love with Rainie.

They broke up because of me. When I told her I liked her when I was smashed. I don't get into a lot of actual relationships. I'm just the guy girls cheat on theit boyfriends with and pretend I have a chance to have an actual relationship. And I drink a lot. Not anymore. But I did. I stopped. For her.

She fell in love. With Paul Spinella.

It was hard. But it was set in stone for them. The reason I know is because I always remember her. She was wearing this green dress. One that made her probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen. And she was standing in the fields after prom and I saw the way she looked at him quickly. It was when she didn't know she loved Paul. And he looked at her the same way.

They are meant to be together.

But for some reason she's in my room every night or chance she has. After a few shots she starts. I stopped drinking. And I listen now. Holding her for Paul. And she cries about him. For some reason she broke up with him. And came to me. Out of everyone. She came to me.

And she talks about him four hours every night. And when she kisses me she calls me Paul sometimes and cries a lot. She loves him so much. And I know he never stopped loving her back.

But I walk into my English class late. Ms. Masons standing there. She hands me my paper. "Hello," She said. She points to a red seven. "You're in group seven. It's Rachel's group over there."

I nod. "Thanks," I say. I walk over. It's these three girls. Rachel taking the worksheet each group mus have gotten and working. "Is this group 7?"

She smiles at me. She told me she liked me when she was drunk once and I was waiting for Rainie at a party. "Yes it is."

I pull a seat out looking at the girl across from me. The girl next to me- Izzy I know her as, is asleep. As usual. I don't know the girl in front of me. I didn't know she was in my class actually. Her head is down. Folding her cover back and forth.

I place my copy in front of me. Looking down at it. And thinking. Running that passage thorugh my head. I didn't know why it didn't make sense. I needed it to. Now more than anything. Because I was suddenly the catcher in the rye. And no matter how little I deserved that title, I was there to hold on tight to Rainie. Knowing very well she's never going to feel the same way I feel about her. I don't even feel much. I know she needs Paul. Not me.

Somehow my eyes catch these two words. I can't help myself. I look at the girl across from me. "I love Dashboard." I say.

She looks up. She's pretty. But it's those eyes. She looks like I'm holding a gun pressing it to her forehead. She's terrified. Her eyes big and blank. She swallows. Almost gasping. I didn't know why she would be scared of me. "Dashboard Confessional," I say again. "I love them."

Maybe she's new. She swallows again. "Me too." She says. Her voice is small and pretty too. Soft. She looks down at her book again.

I sit more foreward. "Did you see them over the summer?" I ask. I don't know why I'm trying. She is so scared looking. But I feel the need to. I don't want her to be so scared.

She looks up again. "Yeah," She said softly again.

I nod. "I wanted to og so bad. But I had to see Sunday Drive. I didn't have enough money to go to both."

She looks at me. Her eyes are hazel. I've never seen anyone with hazel eyes like hers. They're soft and scared. Shaking and glimmering with something in them. "I love Sunday Drive." She says.

to be continued...(?)

Love your work-Jaseyray.